How to Deal With a Coworker Who Drives You Nuts
By Kelly Goldsmith and Marshall Goldsmith | November 3, 2010
Almost all of us work with someone who drives us absolutely crazy — one person who consistently frustrates us or makes us feel guilty or angry. Dwelling on how much we hate these coworkers is never a great idea. If you believe, as I do, that it’s our own behavior that holds us back from achieving as much as we can, then one of the larger impediments to our progress is the time and energy we waste being upset with someone else — especially someone we can’t change.
Not sure what your behavior has to do with someone else’s craziness? An old Buddhist parable may help illuminate the issue. A young farmer was paddling his boat up the river to deliver his produce to the village. He was in a hurry. It was a hot day and the farmer, covered with sweat, wanted to make his delivery and get home before dark. Looking ahead, he spied another vessel moving rapidly downstream toward his boat. The vessel seemed to be trying desperately to hit him.
“Change direction, you idiot!” he yelled at the other boat. “You’re going to hit me!” But his cries were to no avail. Although the farmer rowed furiously to get out of the way, the other boat hit him with a sudden thud. Enraged, he stood up and shouted, “You moron! How could you manage to hit my boat in the middle of this wide river? What’s wrong with you?”
As he strained to see the pilot of the other vessel, he was surprised to realize that it was empty. He was screaming at an empty boat that had broken free of its moorings and was just floating downstream with the current.
The next time you get angry and get ready to blow up because of someone else, just remember: there is never anyone in the other boat. When we are screaming, we are always screaming at an empty vessel.
Getting angry with other people for being who they are makes about as much sense as getting upset with your chair for being a chair. Your chair cannot help being a chair; that’s what it is. If you had that other person’s history, genes, family, and life, you would be that other person — and do exactly whatever it is they’re doing that you can’t stand. You don’t have to agree with, like or even respect the other person; just don’t let him make you crazy. After all, he probably isn’t losing sleep over you. You’re the one being punished — and you’re also the person who’s doing the punishing.
The next time a coworker starts making you crazy, try redirecting your energy to change yourself. The only boat that you can ever control is your own.
MY THOUGHTS
i so envy people who never let themselves be bothered by someone's behavior. people who never let another person affect them in a bad way. men or women whose feathers never get ruffled by an annoying person. what is the point? we cannot change others. and for sure, we can be annoying others too. if it gets too much to handle, walk away. and pray for understanding. and for a change of heart.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Weakness or Greatest Strength?
Weakness or Greatest Strength?
Sometimes your biggest weakness can become your greatest strength. Take, for example, the story of one 10-year-old boy who decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident.
The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn't understand why, after three months of training the master had taught him only one move.
"Sensei," the boy finally said, "Shouldn't I be learning more moves?"
"This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know," the sensei replied. Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.
Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament. Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.
This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened.
"No," the sensei insisted, "Let him continue."
Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament. He was the champion.
On the way home, the boy and sensei reviewed every move in each and every match. Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.
"Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?"
"You won for two reasons," the sensei answered. "First, you've almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo. And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grasp your left arm."
The boy's biggest weakness had become his biggest strength.
Affirmation for the Week:
"I will look for and see my weaknesses, but as I hold them in my mind's eye, I will see them for what they truly are - my greatest strengths."
Have a transforming week!
Mary Rau-Foster
MY THOUGHTS
"jack of all trades master of none"? well, this article says it is best to focus.yes, focus. sometimes we become too eager to try and learn so many things (or maybe required?). then end up being good at all of them but never the best at anything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary's book "Motivating Moments" makes a great gift for you, your family and your friends. This 211 page book, with illustrations, is a guaranteed morale booster, as well as thought provoking and inspirational. To learn more and to order online, visit www.motivatingmomentsbook.com or www.workplaceissues.com/motivatingmomentsbook.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you like the Monday Motivating Moment (MMM), please feel free to forward this email to one or two of your friends and business associates. Thanks so much! If someone forwarded this email to you, you can sign-up for your own free weekly copy at www.workplaceissues.com/mmmotivator.htm
Also, many people post MMM on their bulletin board to share with others. Our website includes an Adobe Acrobat file with a clean, printable version of the Monday Motivating Moment suitable for posting. Go to www.workplaceissues.com/mmmarchives.htm to download your copy.
To view previous issues of the Monday Motivating Moment, see www.workplaceissues.com/mmmarchives.htm
---------------------------------
Copyright 2010 by Mary Rau-Foster. All rights reserved. However, if you find this information helpful, we grant you permission, and strongly encourage you, to print this page and put it on your bulletin board. Thank you.
---------------------------------
If someone forwarded this issue of Monday Motivating Moment to you, why don't you get your own copy by signing up at www.workplaceissues.com/mmmotivator.htm
Sometimes your biggest weakness can become your greatest strength. Take, for example, the story of one 10-year-old boy who decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident.
The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn't understand why, after three months of training the master had taught him only one move.
"Sensei," the boy finally said, "Shouldn't I be learning more moves?"
"This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know," the sensei replied. Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.
Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament. Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.
This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened.
"No," the sensei insisted, "Let him continue."
Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament. He was the champion.
On the way home, the boy and sensei reviewed every move in each and every match. Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.
"Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?"
"You won for two reasons," the sensei answered. "First, you've almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo. And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grasp your left arm."
The boy's biggest weakness had become his biggest strength.
Affirmation for the Week:
"I will look for and see my weaknesses, but as I hold them in my mind's eye, I will see them for what they truly are - my greatest strengths."
Have a transforming week!
Mary Rau-Foster
MY THOUGHTS
"jack of all trades master of none"? well, this article says it is best to focus.yes, focus. sometimes we become too eager to try and learn so many things (or maybe required?). then end up being good at all of them but never the best at anything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary's book "Motivating Moments" makes a great gift for you, your family and your friends. This 211 page book, with illustrations, is a guaranteed morale booster, as well as thought provoking and inspirational. To learn more and to order online, visit www.motivatingmomentsbook.com or www.workplaceissues.com/motivatingmomentsbook.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you like the Monday Motivating Moment (MMM), please feel free to forward this email to one or two of your friends and business associates. Thanks so much! If someone forwarded this email to you, you can sign-up for your own free weekly copy at www.workplaceissues.com/mmmotivator.htm
Also, many people post MMM on their bulletin board to share with others. Our website includes an Adobe Acrobat file with a clean, printable version of the Monday Motivating Moment suitable for posting. Go to www.workplaceissues.com/mmmarchives.htm to download your copy.
To view previous issues of the Monday Motivating Moment, see www.workplaceissues.com/mmmarchives.htm
---------------------------------
Copyright 2010 by Mary Rau-Foster. All rights reserved. However, if you find this information helpful, we grant you permission, and strongly encourage you, to print this page and put it on your bulletin board. Thank you.
---------------------------------
If someone forwarded this issue of Monday Motivating Moment to you, why don't you get your own copy by signing up at www.workplaceissues.com/mmmotivator.htm
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
How To Turn Rejection into Success
How To Turn Rejection into Success
By Geoffrey James | January 10, 2011
The fear of rejection is the bane of success. If rejections scare you, you’ll avoid making the difficult calls and taking the right risks to advance your career. And once the fear of rejection gets its insidious claws into you, it gets worse, creating more failure.
To be really successful (at sales or any other career), you must not just learn to cope with occasional (and even frequent) rejections. You must also learn to turn rejection into a goad that drives you towards ultimate success. This post provides five simple steps to accomplish this.
BTW: This post is largely based upon a discussion with bestselling author Art Mortell. He’s a wonderful person and a powerful speaker. Do not miss the opportunity to see and hear him.
STEP #1: Differentiate between invalid and valid rejection
There are two types of rejections. Valid rejections are when a person doesn’t do what you want because of something that you can change. Invalid rejections are when that “failure” took place because of something completely arbitrary that’s outside of your control.
Here’s an example of an invalid rejection.
Suppose you make a cold call and a prospect hangs up on you. While that’s a textbook definition of “rejection”, the truth is that the prospect’s reaction has nothing to do with you.
What’s actually happened is that you accidentally broke the prospect’s rules. You had no way of knowing that the prospect was busy and that the prospect thinks it’s OK to hang up on unfamiliar callers.
Now, perhaps if you said something different or called at a different time, you might have gotten a different reaction, but that’s just a fiction that you’re making up in your mind. However, if you had called at a different time, the prospect might just as easily have added a expletive before hanging up and then sent a memo directing the company to never buy from you ever again.
There’s no way of knowing. It’s not a valid rejection. It’s just luck.
What’s important here is that the prospect’s reaction really didn’t have anything to do you with personally, because anybody else taking the same action at the same time would have gotten the exact same result. You simply you took an action that didn’t work.
Here’s another example. Suppose a guy is “selling” a woman on the idea that she should go out on a date with him. Talk about the potential for “rejection”!!! Millions of guys live in terror of this situation. Even so, much of the time the anticipated “rejection” is just an illusion.
I was once rather “smitten with” an attractive woman in my martial arts class. However, despite several attempts on my part, she simply would not go out with me. In fact, she seemed offended I had even asked. A classic case of “rejection,” right? I should have been crushed, right?
Not so fast! Since we hung with the same crowd, I began noticing the kind of guys she dated. They were all about 5'6?, dark-eyed, with long dark hair, and played in rock bands. I’m 6'1?, blue-eyed, with short blond hair, and write about business. Under her “rules” for what she found attractive in a potential mate, I wasn’t even in the ballpark.
So where’s the rejection? She had her rules; I didn’t fit those rules. That’s an invalid rejection because there’s nothing I can do to change who I am.
Now, suppose she actually had been the type who wanted to date guys similar to me. And suppose I had asked her out, but due to my awkward approach, she decided to “reject” the idea. That would mean is that my sales approach didn’t match her rules, even though the product met her needs. That’s a valid rejection, because my approach is something that’s within my control.
As soon as you realize that invalid rejections are just luck, most of so-called rejections simply become neutral events and the entire concept starts to lose its sting. With that in mind, here’s the next step…
STEP #2: Understand why you FEEL rejected
Why do you work? Money? Recognition? Achievement? Wrong, wrong, and wrong. All of those reasons are just outward manifestations of your real goal: you want to feel good about yourself.
For example, you think that you work because you want money? Wrong. What you really want is what the money can buy, and I’m not talking about that new Ferrari. I’m talking about the feeling that owning a Ferrari would give you.
No matter what reason you give for being in sales, trace it back, and you’ll eventually get to “it makes me feel good about myself.”
Therefore, rejection “hurts” because there’s something about the situation that makes you feel bad about yourself. To test this theory, imagine the biggest idiot you’ve ever known telling you that you’re stupid. Do you care? No. The “rejection” fails to sting because it doesn’t assault your sense of self. Who cares what that oaf thinks?
Rejection starts to sting as the result of three qualitative and highly subjective factors:
* Frequency. Everyone can deal with some rejection, but how much rejection can you experience before you start taking the negative feedback to heart? How many times can you contact a qualified prospect and get a negative response before you begin to take it personally? In other words, getting told a million times that you’re stupid might make you question your intelligence, even if you didn’t particularly respect the people saying it.
* Emotional Involvement. How emotionally involved can you become with somebody before you feel that the other person might know you so well that criticism hurts? For example, you might be reluctant to close because you’re afraid that your customer might feel “buyer’s remorse” and stop liking you — a form of rejection. In other words, if you like somebody, you’ll tend to feel pretty bad if that person tells you to go take a hike.
* Perceived Importance. As a sales rep, you’re likely to feel most comfortable contacting people who are of a similar (or lower) social class or educational background. However, you might find yourself avoiding people whom you feel are more important than yourself, because their rejection of you might seem to carry more weight or authority.
Understanding why you feel rejected is the first step to removing the “sting.” To do this, you take a different approach, depending on subjective reason that’s behind your feeling of being rejected.
STEP #3: Remove the Sting of Rejection
Now that you know why you feel rejected, your job is to weaken the ability of the “rejection” situation to make you feel bad about it.
* Frequency. To make yourself feel less vulnerable in this area, you must first throw out all the invalid objections (as defined in Step 1). Don’t even count them. They’re nonsense. If you still feel that you’re getting a lot of rejections, then look at the norms for other professionals at your level. If you discover that you’re in the ballpark for everyone else, there’s no particular reason to feel bad about being rejected. If it turns out that you are getting valid rejections more frequently than your peers, then you’ll need to figure out what sales skill is missing or broken in your tool kit, and then work on it. We’ll get to that in STEP 5 of this post.
* Emotional involvement. The cure for this subjective ailment is to value both what you’re offering AND the relationship. If you truly value both, then there is absolutely NO reason why you shouldn’t want your customers to be your true friends. If it turns out a your friend doesn’t want or need your offering, it’s not a rejection of you, but of the need for your offering. Because it’s not about you, stop worrying about it. If it’s just a matter that your friend doesn’t want or need what you’ve got to offer, then you can go ahead and be happy for that friend didn’t buy. That’s what your friend wanted and your offering is still good. And you’re doing what’s right by your friend.
* Perceived importance. The cure for this is simply to believe in yourself. Here’s the honest truth: if you’re offering something that’s crucial to the success or happiness of your customer, you are as important as the biggest bigwig on the planet. Here’s another big truth: most bigwigs are exceedingly average people who’ve stumbled into their success. They’re not Gods Among Men Whose Judgment Must Be Valid. They’re everyday dudes and dudettes, just like you and me. So get some perspective. The opinion of some muckety-muck is just not all that big a deal.
The trick to bulletproofing yourself against rejection is to let people have their own emotions and beliefs, and then simply use whatever happens as either a signal to improve your skills (a valid objection) or a signal to exercise your “so what” mental muscle (an invalid one).
STEP #4: Reframe rejection into your path to success
In sales, the number of rejections you get is directly proportional to how successful you’ll become. It’s true. The people who hit the most home runs are the one who get up to bat the most. As has been pointed out innumerable times, the person with the major league baseball record for being struck out is Reggie Jackson, one of the greatest batters of all time.
At the danger of going from the sublime to the trivial, here’s a story from my own experience. When I first started writing freelance, I needed to sell a book to launch my career. I sent it to numerous editors and agents and got plenty of “rejection letters.” Rather than feeling discouraged, I started each day by laying out the letters on the floor of my kitchen and walking on them like they were stepping stones.
I’d say to myself: “This is what’s going to make me successful, because the more rejections I get, the better deal I’ll get when it happens.” And, sure enough, when I did sell the book, it was too Random House, and it not only launched my career but did much better in the marketplace than I ever dreamed.
Here’s how to do that same kind of thing with selling.
Estimate the number of times you encounter rejection in an average day. (No need to be entirely accurate; go ballpark here.) Now calculate your daily average salary/commission. Now divide the number of rejections per day by your daily salary. Example:
* Number of times you get a valid rejection each day on average: 5
* Your daily salary and commission, on average: $500
* The money you make every time you get “rejected”: $100
Look at that number carefully. That’s how much money goes into your pocket every time you encounter a rejection. The reasoning is simple. If you’re not getting rejected, you’re not selling. So when you do sell, it’s because you’ve been willing to be rejected. The rejections lead to the sales, so you’re being paid to be rejection.
Now take a post-it note and write down the following equation: “REJECTION = MONEY” in big, bold letters with a sharpie! Make two more post-its the same way. Stick one post-it by your phone. Put one where you see it every time you open your briefcase. Put the third in your bathroom where you’ll see it when you get ready for work in the morning.
Yeah, I know that sounds kinda corny, but the technique works because it forces the equation into your subconscious mind. Leave the post-its up until they crinkle up and fall off. Then make new ones. Just do it. Trust me.
STEP #5: Build a plan to hone your sales skills
Congratulations! As you’ve worked through this post, you’ve identified and eliminated the rejections that are meaningless, you’ve figured out why you feel rejected, taken steps to remove the sting of rejection, and turned rejection from a negative into a positive.
Feel better now? I’ll bet. If so, click on the Facebook “like” button at the top of the post!
Thanks.
Now we take everything to the next level. It’s time to build a plan to increase your sales skills.
This is the only way to reduce the number of VALID rejections that you encounter. This blog has plenty of posts that can help you with virtually every aspect of your sales strategy technique and process.
There are plenty of sales training course and sales books you could read, but for now, here is a list of posts that can help you build your own customized sales skill improvement plan:
MY THOUGHTS
this is one good article. even if you're not in sales. on the other hand, who's not in sales? everyday, we get into some sort of selling- we sell things, ideas, opinions. (i'd like to be a seller of dreams!!!) we sell ourselves every time we try to get a good impression. hence, it's impossible for us not to experience rejection. like love, rejection is universal. who hasn't known the pain (and shame) of being turned down? what is not universal is how we rise from the ashes of being rejected. this article says it all. but i have one more (which i think is the best) trick up my sleeve. i try my very best to remind myself to first seek God's counsel before i go and do something (take note,i said "i try". and this is not easy for Type A personalities like me). i pray for God's guidance, knock on His door for my request. and my prayer will always end up with "THY WILL BE DONE". it always helps. well, probably not instantly all the time. but i find i am able to come to terms with rejection knowing that this is God's will and He has something better - for sure. this doesn't mean that i will just throw the rejection into the rejection bin (which can be full at times). the author here is right. absolutely right. mull over the rejection. learn as much as you can.a mistake is not a mistake until you do it again. then get over it.
By Geoffrey James | January 10, 2011
The fear of rejection is the bane of success. If rejections scare you, you’ll avoid making the difficult calls and taking the right risks to advance your career. And once the fear of rejection gets its insidious claws into you, it gets worse, creating more failure.
To be really successful (at sales or any other career), you must not just learn to cope with occasional (and even frequent) rejections. You must also learn to turn rejection into a goad that drives you towards ultimate success. This post provides five simple steps to accomplish this.
BTW: This post is largely based upon a discussion with bestselling author Art Mortell. He’s a wonderful person and a powerful speaker. Do not miss the opportunity to see and hear him.
STEP #1: Differentiate between invalid and valid rejection
There are two types of rejections. Valid rejections are when a person doesn’t do what you want because of something that you can change. Invalid rejections are when that “failure” took place because of something completely arbitrary that’s outside of your control.
Here’s an example of an invalid rejection.
Suppose you make a cold call and a prospect hangs up on you. While that’s a textbook definition of “rejection”, the truth is that the prospect’s reaction has nothing to do with you.
What’s actually happened is that you accidentally broke the prospect’s rules. You had no way of knowing that the prospect was busy and that the prospect thinks it’s OK to hang up on unfamiliar callers.
Now, perhaps if you said something different or called at a different time, you might have gotten a different reaction, but that’s just a fiction that you’re making up in your mind. However, if you had called at a different time, the prospect might just as easily have added a expletive before hanging up and then sent a memo directing the company to never buy from you ever again.
There’s no way of knowing. It’s not a valid rejection. It’s just luck.
What’s important here is that the prospect’s reaction really didn’t have anything to do you with personally, because anybody else taking the same action at the same time would have gotten the exact same result. You simply you took an action that didn’t work.
Here’s another example. Suppose a guy is “selling” a woman on the idea that she should go out on a date with him. Talk about the potential for “rejection”!!! Millions of guys live in terror of this situation. Even so, much of the time the anticipated “rejection” is just an illusion.
I was once rather “smitten with” an attractive woman in my martial arts class. However, despite several attempts on my part, she simply would not go out with me. In fact, she seemed offended I had even asked. A classic case of “rejection,” right? I should have been crushed, right?
Not so fast! Since we hung with the same crowd, I began noticing the kind of guys she dated. They were all about 5'6?, dark-eyed, with long dark hair, and played in rock bands. I’m 6'1?, blue-eyed, with short blond hair, and write about business. Under her “rules” for what she found attractive in a potential mate, I wasn’t even in the ballpark.
So where’s the rejection? She had her rules; I didn’t fit those rules. That’s an invalid rejection because there’s nothing I can do to change who I am.
Now, suppose she actually had been the type who wanted to date guys similar to me. And suppose I had asked her out, but due to my awkward approach, she decided to “reject” the idea. That would mean is that my sales approach didn’t match her rules, even though the product met her needs. That’s a valid rejection, because my approach is something that’s within my control.
As soon as you realize that invalid rejections are just luck, most of so-called rejections simply become neutral events and the entire concept starts to lose its sting. With that in mind, here’s the next step…
STEP #2: Understand why you FEEL rejected
Why do you work? Money? Recognition? Achievement? Wrong, wrong, and wrong. All of those reasons are just outward manifestations of your real goal: you want to feel good about yourself.
For example, you think that you work because you want money? Wrong. What you really want is what the money can buy, and I’m not talking about that new Ferrari. I’m talking about the feeling that owning a Ferrari would give you.
No matter what reason you give for being in sales, trace it back, and you’ll eventually get to “it makes me feel good about myself.”
Therefore, rejection “hurts” because there’s something about the situation that makes you feel bad about yourself. To test this theory, imagine the biggest idiot you’ve ever known telling you that you’re stupid. Do you care? No. The “rejection” fails to sting because it doesn’t assault your sense of self. Who cares what that oaf thinks?
Rejection starts to sting as the result of three qualitative and highly subjective factors:
* Frequency. Everyone can deal with some rejection, but how much rejection can you experience before you start taking the negative feedback to heart? How many times can you contact a qualified prospect and get a negative response before you begin to take it personally? In other words, getting told a million times that you’re stupid might make you question your intelligence, even if you didn’t particularly respect the people saying it.
* Emotional Involvement. How emotionally involved can you become with somebody before you feel that the other person might know you so well that criticism hurts? For example, you might be reluctant to close because you’re afraid that your customer might feel “buyer’s remorse” and stop liking you — a form of rejection. In other words, if you like somebody, you’ll tend to feel pretty bad if that person tells you to go take a hike.
* Perceived Importance. As a sales rep, you’re likely to feel most comfortable contacting people who are of a similar (or lower) social class or educational background. However, you might find yourself avoiding people whom you feel are more important than yourself, because their rejection of you might seem to carry more weight or authority.
Understanding why you feel rejected is the first step to removing the “sting.” To do this, you take a different approach, depending on subjective reason that’s behind your feeling of being rejected.
STEP #3: Remove the Sting of Rejection
Now that you know why you feel rejected, your job is to weaken the ability of the “rejection” situation to make you feel bad about it.
* Frequency. To make yourself feel less vulnerable in this area, you must first throw out all the invalid objections (as defined in Step 1). Don’t even count them. They’re nonsense. If you still feel that you’re getting a lot of rejections, then look at the norms for other professionals at your level. If you discover that you’re in the ballpark for everyone else, there’s no particular reason to feel bad about being rejected. If it turns out that you are getting valid rejections more frequently than your peers, then you’ll need to figure out what sales skill is missing or broken in your tool kit, and then work on it. We’ll get to that in STEP 5 of this post.
* Emotional involvement. The cure for this subjective ailment is to value both what you’re offering AND the relationship. If you truly value both, then there is absolutely NO reason why you shouldn’t want your customers to be your true friends. If it turns out a your friend doesn’t want or need your offering, it’s not a rejection of you, but of the need for your offering. Because it’s not about you, stop worrying about it. If it’s just a matter that your friend doesn’t want or need what you’ve got to offer, then you can go ahead and be happy for that friend didn’t buy. That’s what your friend wanted and your offering is still good. And you’re doing what’s right by your friend.
* Perceived importance. The cure for this is simply to believe in yourself. Here’s the honest truth: if you’re offering something that’s crucial to the success or happiness of your customer, you are as important as the biggest bigwig on the planet. Here’s another big truth: most bigwigs are exceedingly average people who’ve stumbled into their success. They’re not Gods Among Men Whose Judgment Must Be Valid. They’re everyday dudes and dudettes, just like you and me. So get some perspective. The opinion of some muckety-muck is just not all that big a deal.
The trick to bulletproofing yourself against rejection is to let people have their own emotions and beliefs, and then simply use whatever happens as either a signal to improve your skills (a valid objection) or a signal to exercise your “so what” mental muscle (an invalid one).
STEP #4: Reframe rejection into your path to success
In sales, the number of rejections you get is directly proportional to how successful you’ll become. It’s true. The people who hit the most home runs are the one who get up to bat the most. As has been pointed out innumerable times, the person with the major league baseball record for being struck out is Reggie Jackson, one of the greatest batters of all time.
At the danger of going from the sublime to the trivial, here’s a story from my own experience. When I first started writing freelance, I needed to sell a book to launch my career. I sent it to numerous editors and agents and got plenty of “rejection letters.” Rather than feeling discouraged, I started each day by laying out the letters on the floor of my kitchen and walking on them like they were stepping stones.
I’d say to myself: “This is what’s going to make me successful, because the more rejections I get, the better deal I’ll get when it happens.” And, sure enough, when I did sell the book, it was too Random House, and it not only launched my career but did much better in the marketplace than I ever dreamed.
Here’s how to do that same kind of thing with selling.
Estimate the number of times you encounter rejection in an average day. (No need to be entirely accurate; go ballpark here.) Now calculate your daily average salary/commission. Now divide the number of rejections per day by your daily salary. Example:
* Number of times you get a valid rejection each day on average: 5
* Your daily salary and commission, on average: $500
* The money you make every time you get “rejected”: $100
Look at that number carefully. That’s how much money goes into your pocket every time you encounter a rejection. The reasoning is simple. If you’re not getting rejected, you’re not selling. So when you do sell, it’s because you’ve been willing to be rejected. The rejections lead to the sales, so you’re being paid to be rejection.
Now take a post-it note and write down the following equation: “REJECTION = MONEY” in big, bold letters with a sharpie! Make two more post-its the same way. Stick one post-it by your phone. Put one where you see it every time you open your briefcase. Put the third in your bathroom where you’ll see it when you get ready for work in the morning.
Yeah, I know that sounds kinda corny, but the technique works because it forces the equation into your subconscious mind. Leave the post-its up until they crinkle up and fall off. Then make new ones. Just do it. Trust me.
STEP #5: Build a plan to hone your sales skills
Congratulations! As you’ve worked through this post, you’ve identified and eliminated the rejections that are meaningless, you’ve figured out why you feel rejected, taken steps to remove the sting of rejection, and turned rejection from a negative into a positive.
Feel better now? I’ll bet. If so, click on the Facebook “like” button at the top of the post!
Thanks.
Now we take everything to the next level. It’s time to build a plan to increase your sales skills.
This is the only way to reduce the number of VALID rejections that you encounter. This blog has plenty of posts that can help you with virtually every aspect of your sales strategy technique and process.
There are plenty of sales training course and sales books you could read, but for now, here is a list of posts that can help you build your own customized sales skill improvement plan:
MY THOUGHTS
this is one good article. even if you're not in sales. on the other hand, who's not in sales? everyday, we get into some sort of selling- we sell things, ideas, opinions. (i'd like to be a seller of dreams!!!) we sell ourselves every time we try to get a good impression. hence, it's impossible for us not to experience rejection. like love, rejection is universal. who hasn't known the pain (and shame) of being turned down? what is not universal is how we rise from the ashes of being rejected. this article says it all. but i have one more (which i think is the best) trick up my sleeve. i try my very best to remind myself to first seek God's counsel before i go and do something (take note,i said "i try". and this is not easy for Type A personalities like me). i pray for God's guidance, knock on His door for my request. and my prayer will always end up with "THY WILL BE DONE". it always helps. well, probably not instantly all the time. but i find i am able to come to terms with rejection knowing that this is God's will and He has something better - for sure. this doesn't mean that i will just throw the rejection into the rejection bin (which can be full at times). the author here is right. absolutely right. mull over the rejection. learn as much as you can.a mistake is not a mistake until you do it again. then get over it.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Optimists vs. Pessimists
The Differences Between Optimists and Pessimists
What's the Explanatory Style of an Optimist?
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide
Updated May 08, 2008
About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board
'Explanatory Style' Explained
‘Explanatory style’ or ‘attributional style’ refers to how people explain the events of their lives. There are three facets of how people can explain a situation. This can influence whether they lean toward being optimists or pessimists:
Stable vs. Unstable: Can time change things, or do things stay the same regardless of time?
Global vs. Local: Is a situation a reflection of just one part of your life, or your life as a whole?
Internal vs. External: Do you feel events are caused by you or by an outside force?
Realists see things relatively clearly, but most of us aren’t realists. Most of us, to a degree, attribute the events in our lives optimistically or pessimistically. The pattern looks like this:
Optimists
Optimists explain positive events as having happened because of them (internal). They also see them as evidence that more positive things will happen in the future (stable), and in other areas of their lives (global). Conversely, they see negative events as not being their fault (external). They also see them as being flukes (isolated) that have nothing to do with other areas of their lives or future events (local).
For example, if an optimist gets a promotion, she will likely believe it’s because she’s good at her job and will receive more benefits and promotion in the future. If she’s passed over for the promotion, it’s likely because she was having an off-month because of extenuating circumstances, but will do better in the future.
Pessimists
Pessimists think in the opposite way. They believe that negative events are caused by them (internal). They believe that one mistake means more will come (stable), and mistakes in other areas of life are inevitable (global), because they are the cause. They see positive events as flukes (local) that are caused by things outside their control (external) and probably won’t happen again (unstable).
A pessimist would see a promotion as a lucky event that probably won’t happen again, and may even worry that she’ll now be under more scrutiny. Being passed over for promotion would probably be explained as not being skilled enough. She'd therefore expect to be passed over again.
What This Means
Understandably, if you’re an optimist, this bodes well for your future. Negative events are more likely to roll off of your back, but positive events affirm your belief in yourself, your ability to make good things happen now and in the future, and in the goodness of life.
Fortunately for pessimists and realists, these patterns of thinking can be learned to a degree (though we tend to be mostly predisposed to our patterns of thinking.) Using a practice called ‘cognitive restructuring,' you can help yourself and others become more optimistic by consciously challenging negative, self-limiting thinking and replacing it with more optimistic thought patterns.
Sources:
The Institute for Health and Human Potential.
Rich Dad, Poor Dad, Robert Kiyosaki, The Positive Psychology Center
MY THOUGHTS
i've always thought of myself as an optimist. now,i wonder. this article has some serious points that requires pondering. stress, apparently can stem from our perspective - are we optimistic or pessimistic? the more positive we are, the less stress we will have. if we view events in our lives negatively, stress will always be at our doors. the challenge, is therefore, in how we can change the way we look at things. not always easy. but it can be done.
What's the Explanatory Style of an Optimist?
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide
Updated May 08, 2008
About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board
'Explanatory Style' Explained
‘Explanatory style’ or ‘attributional style’ refers to how people explain the events of their lives. There are three facets of how people can explain a situation. This can influence whether they lean toward being optimists or pessimists:
Stable vs. Unstable: Can time change things, or do things stay the same regardless of time?
Global vs. Local: Is a situation a reflection of just one part of your life, or your life as a whole?
Internal vs. External: Do you feel events are caused by you or by an outside force?
Realists see things relatively clearly, but most of us aren’t realists. Most of us, to a degree, attribute the events in our lives optimistically or pessimistically. The pattern looks like this:
Optimists
Optimists explain positive events as having happened because of them (internal). They also see them as evidence that more positive things will happen in the future (stable), and in other areas of their lives (global). Conversely, they see negative events as not being their fault (external). They also see them as being flukes (isolated) that have nothing to do with other areas of their lives or future events (local).
For example, if an optimist gets a promotion, she will likely believe it’s because she’s good at her job and will receive more benefits and promotion in the future. If she’s passed over for the promotion, it’s likely because she was having an off-month because of extenuating circumstances, but will do better in the future.
Pessimists
Pessimists think in the opposite way. They believe that negative events are caused by them (internal). They believe that one mistake means more will come (stable), and mistakes in other areas of life are inevitable (global), because they are the cause. They see positive events as flukes (local) that are caused by things outside their control (external) and probably won’t happen again (unstable).
A pessimist would see a promotion as a lucky event that probably won’t happen again, and may even worry that she’ll now be under more scrutiny. Being passed over for promotion would probably be explained as not being skilled enough. She'd therefore expect to be passed over again.
What This Means
Understandably, if you’re an optimist, this bodes well for your future. Negative events are more likely to roll off of your back, but positive events affirm your belief in yourself, your ability to make good things happen now and in the future, and in the goodness of life.
Fortunately for pessimists and realists, these patterns of thinking can be learned to a degree (though we tend to be mostly predisposed to our patterns of thinking.) Using a practice called ‘cognitive restructuring,' you can help yourself and others become more optimistic by consciously challenging negative, self-limiting thinking and replacing it with more optimistic thought patterns.
Sources:
The Institute for Health and Human Potential.
Rich Dad, Poor Dad, Robert Kiyosaki, The Positive Psychology Center
MY THOUGHTS
i've always thought of myself as an optimist. now,i wonder. this article has some serious points that requires pondering. stress, apparently can stem from our perspective - are we optimistic or pessimistic? the more positive we are, the less stress we will have. if we view events in our lives negatively, stress will always be at our doors. the challenge, is therefore, in how we can change the way we look at things. not always easy. but it can be done.
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