The Choice is Yours
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published February 03, 2006
If you want to know how you arrived at your current state of health, just look at where you’ve been. Let me illustrate this point by sharing with you a little demonstration I used to perform for my patients. Whenever I would have a patient ask that great philosophical question, “How did I end up here?” I would take a pen and place it on my desk. I would then slowly slide the pen toward the edge of the desk. When I reached the end of the desk I would pause for a moment, move it beyond the edge of the desk and then release it. The pen would then, naturally, fall to the floor. Because of the laws of gravity and physics, the pen had no choice. It fell to the floor because I did everything necessary for that to happen.
I chose to grab the pen. I chose to put it on the desk. I chose to move it toward the edge of the desk and I also chose to release it. It was a series of choices that I made which eventually led to that pen lying on the floor. The purpose of this little experiment is to demonstrate the cause and effect aspect of the choices you make. The formula for a healthy life is very much the same. In order to be fit and healthy you must make healthy choices. There’s no complicated rocket science here at all. Eat healthy foods in the right proportions and exercise regularly, and you will end up in a totally different health situation than where you are now. This is how you get to where you want to go. So if you find yourself asking the question “How did I get here?” just look at where you’ve been and make today the day you change that pattern. The choice is yours.
Wishing You Great Health!
Dr. John H. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
I know! I know! I probably wasn't aware that I was making those choices. or I never really gave my choices much thought. There's still time.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
THE WORST 4-LETTER WORD
The Worst Four-Letter Word
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published April 20, 2011
http://www.lifescript.com/Soul/Self/Growth/I_Cant.aspx?utm_campaign=2011-04-20-78443&utm_source=daily-reflections&utm_medium=email&utm_content=todays-inspiration_I%20Cant&VID=78443&FromNL=1&sc_date=20110420T000000
If I was to ask you to name the most debilitating four-letter word in your vocabulary, which word would you choose? Of course, when one mentions the concept of a four-letter word, we typically think of those uncivilized curse words we tend to hear all too often. However, the four-letter word I am referring to today is not a swear word at all. It is, however, one of the most incapacitating, weakening, self-defeating and goal interrupting four-letter words in the English language. What is this devastating four-letter word I speak of? That word is can’t.
You see, once you convince yourself that you can’t do something, the game is pretty much over. And the sad reality is that, in most cases, you actually can but simply won’t for some reason. There is a mountain of difference between can’t and won’t, and there lies the reason that so many of your dreams lie broken and unrealized in your life. So today I want you to think honestly of a yet unrealized dream you have convinced yourself you can’t achieve. Then I want you to think about the honesty part of this equation. Does this dream remain unrealized because you can’t achieve it, or does it remain unrealized because you won’t pursue it? If I have been successful here today, I’m guessing that dream seems a bit more accessible now!
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
Follow Dr. Sklare on Health Bistro!
MY THOUGHTS
What more can i say? I can't think of anything else that will make this article more convincing than it already is. Unless, of course, 'can't' is your favorite 4-letter word-which is sometimes mine unless I check myself.
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published April 20, 2011
http://www.lifescript.com/Soul/Self/Growth/I_Cant.aspx?utm_campaign=2011-04-20-78443&utm_source=daily-reflections&utm_medium=email&utm_content=todays-inspiration_I%20Cant&VID=78443&FromNL=1&sc_date=20110420T000000
If I was to ask you to name the most debilitating four-letter word in your vocabulary, which word would you choose? Of course, when one mentions the concept of a four-letter word, we typically think of those uncivilized curse words we tend to hear all too often. However, the four-letter word I am referring to today is not a swear word at all. It is, however, one of the most incapacitating, weakening, self-defeating and goal interrupting four-letter words in the English language. What is this devastating four-letter word I speak of? That word is can’t.
You see, once you convince yourself that you can’t do something, the game is pretty much over. And the sad reality is that, in most cases, you actually can but simply won’t for some reason. There is a mountain of difference between can’t and won’t, and there lies the reason that so many of your dreams lie broken and unrealized in your life. So today I want you to think honestly of a yet unrealized dream you have convinced yourself you can’t achieve. Then I want you to think about the honesty part of this equation. Does this dream remain unrealized because you can’t achieve it, or does it remain unrealized because you won’t pursue it? If I have been successful here today, I’m guessing that dream seems a bit more accessible now!
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
Follow Dr. Sklare on Health Bistro!
MY THOUGHTS
What more can i say? I can't think of anything else that will make this article more convincing than it already is. Unless, of course, 'can't' is your favorite 4-letter word-which is sometimes mine unless I check myself.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
ARE YOU INTERESTING?
A Person of Interest
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published December 05, 2008
I was having a conversation with a friend the other day when he made a comment regarding a mutual acquaintance. He ended his description of this friend by saying he was a “very interesting guy.” As those words left his lips, the concept of being “interesting” stuck with me. According to the dictionary, the word interesting is an adjective defined as “arousing or holding the attention of someone.” Synonyms include: exciting, appealing, attractive and fascinating. Antonyms include: boring, dull and unexciting. With that as our foundation, let me get to today’s reflection.
With the concept of “being interesting” as our launching pad today, I have two thoughts for you to consider. First, who is the most interesting person you know, and what is it about him or her you find so interesting? And second, of all the people in your life, who do you think finds YOU interesting, and what do you believe makes you so interesting to that person. I have a feeling your thoughts and comments will be very interesting indeed!
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
Got a question? Ask Dr. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
That's not how I define interesting. In my book, intersting means you don't know how to describe a person. Or you're too kind to be honest. Or you simply do not want to create enemies by being...damaging.
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published December 05, 2008
I was having a conversation with a friend the other day when he made a comment regarding a mutual acquaintance. He ended his description of this friend by saying he was a “very interesting guy.” As those words left his lips, the concept of being “interesting” stuck with me. According to the dictionary, the word interesting is an adjective defined as “arousing or holding the attention of someone.” Synonyms include: exciting, appealing, attractive and fascinating. Antonyms include: boring, dull and unexciting. With that as our foundation, let me get to today’s reflection.
With the concept of “being interesting” as our launching pad today, I have two thoughts for you to consider. First, who is the most interesting person you know, and what is it about him or her you find so interesting? And second, of all the people in your life, who do you think finds YOU interesting, and what do you believe makes you so interesting to that person. I have a feeling your thoughts and comments will be very interesting indeed!
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
Got a question? Ask Dr. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
That's not how I define interesting. In my book, intersting means you don't know how to describe a person. Or you're too kind to be honest. Or you simply do not want to create enemies by being...damaging.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
DO YOU NEED A CHANGE OIL?
The Story of Oak and Oil
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published February 29, 2008
As you know, I talk a lot about change. As a matter of fact, I often tell people in jest that I’m really a “changeologist.” I think I may have coined that term, and it really suites me well. The concept of change was recently brought to my attention in a rather interesting way. Here’s what happened: I decided to clean my office desk the other day. I have a beautiful oak desk that I’ve had for a long time, and occasionally, I give it a good cleaning with some oil in order to bring out the beautiful grain. The inspiration for this column presented itself to me as I was wiping the oil-soaked rag across the wood. As anyone who has ever done this task knows, the change is immediate and the difference is like night and day. Not unlike running a coat of dark new paint over an old, faded wall, the visual effect was dramatic and instant. I thought, If only I could invent an oil that would do this for lifestyle change. You would wipe it on your body and voila… instant weight loss and healthy lifestyle change!
Of course, there is no fantastic oil for lifestyle change. If you want to create a leaner body and a healthier life, it’s going to take longer than an hour and more than a simple liquid. But I do believe we all have that special something in our lives that can motivate us to achieve incredible accomplishments. The key is to find out what oil works for you, if you follow the analogy. Because, in truth, my little story of oak and oil is really a metaphor for creating change in your life. So, my challenge for you today is to begin searching for the oil that will transform your oak. Find that special something that motivates you to create change in your life, and you will also see the dramatic results that change brings with it.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
What happens to your car when you don't change the oil. That's what's going to happen to you when you stubbornly declare you don't need any oil because you don't need to change.
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published February 29, 2008
As you know, I talk a lot about change. As a matter of fact, I often tell people in jest that I’m really a “changeologist.” I think I may have coined that term, and it really suites me well. The concept of change was recently brought to my attention in a rather interesting way. Here’s what happened: I decided to clean my office desk the other day. I have a beautiful oak desk that I’ve had for a long time, and occasionally, I give it a good cleaning with some oil in order to bring out the beautiful grain. The inspiration for this column presented itself to me as I was wiping the oil-soaked rag across the wood. As anyone who has ever done this task knows, the change is immediate and the difference is like night and day. Not unlike running a coat of dark new paint over an old, faded wall, the visual effect was dramatic and instant. I thought, If only I could invent an oil that would do this for lifestyle change. You would wipe it on your body and voila… instant weight loss and healthy lifestyle change!
Of course, there is no fantastic oil for lifestyle change. If you want to create a leaner body and a healthier life, it’s going to take longer than an hour and more than a simple liquid. But I do believe we all have that special something in our lives that can motivate us to achieve incredible accomplishments. The key is to find out what oil works for you, if you follow the analogy. Because, in truth, my little story of oak and oil is really a metaphor for creating change in your life. So, my challenge for you today is to begin searching for the oil that will transform your oak. Find that special something that motivates you to create change in your life, and you will also see the dramatic results that change brings with it.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
What happens to your car when you don't change the oil. That's what's going to happen to you when you stubbornly declare you don't need any oil because you don't need to change.
Monday, April 11, 2011
WHO WOULD YOU INVITE?
The Invitation
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, LifeScript Personal Coach
Published February 27, 2009
There is a famous old parlor game that asks a very interesting fantasy question: If you could invite any five famous people to your dinner party, who would you invite and why? It’s an interesting mental exercise that forces you to think about what and who you find interesting. I’m going to alter this game a bit and ask you to only invite one person to your dinner party. And for the sake of narrowing down this imaginary interaction, let’s further say that your guest must be a living person.
Remember, you are inviting this person to dinner because you find them fascinating in some way. You may want to begin by picking a top 10 list and then slowly eliminate nine of them to arrive at your final choice. The purpose is to get you thinking about who and what you find interesting. So, if you’re ready to prepare for this fantasy dinner party, it’s time to begin the selection process. Again I ask, if you could only invite one living person in the world for a private dinner-party conversation, who would you invite and why?
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
My answer would be largely dependent on why I'm having a dinner party. If I simply want to have fun, then I would invite the most humorous and easy-going person on my list. If I want to have some time for retrospection, then I want someone who's a good listener who's also insightful. I'm just blabbering. The question is very hard to answer.
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, LifeScript Personal Coach
Published February 27, 2009
There is a famous old parlor game that asks a very interesting fantasy question: If you could invite any five famous people to your dinner party, who would you invite and why? It’s an interesting mental exercise that forces you to think about what and who you find interesting. I’m going to alter this game a bit and ask you to only invite one person to your dinner party. And for the sake of narrowing down this imaginary interaction, let’s further say that your guest must be a living person.
Remember, you are inviting this person to dinner because you find them fascinating in some way. You may want to begin by picking a top 10 list and then slowly eliminate nine of them to arrive at your final choice. The purpose is to get you thinking about who and what you find interesting. So, if you’re ready to prepare for this fantasy dinner party, it’s time to begin the selection process. Again I ask, if you could only invite one living person in the world for a private dinner-party conversation, who would you invite and why?
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
My answer would be largely dependent on why I'm having a dinner party. If I simply want to have fun, then I would invite the most humorous and easy-going person on my list. If I want to have some time for retrospection, then I want someone who's a good listener who's also insightful. I'm just blabbering. The question is very hard to answer.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
WHAT KILLS CREATIVITY
8 Habits That Are Killing Your Creativity
By Jessica Stillman | October 5, 2010
www.bnet.com
If you’re looking to be more creative at work, there are plenty of tips available. BNET bloggers have suggested everything from moving to another country to boost creativity to seven habits to be more innovative. But the blog Copyblogger recently took the opposite tack, suggesting eight habits to avoid, lest you stifle out-of-the-box thinking. They’re pitched primarily at copywriters (as the blog title suggests) but can help anyone who wants to generate more fresh ideas. Here’s what to steer clear of:
* Creating and evaluating at the same time. You can’t drive a car in first gear and reverse at the same time. Likewise, you shouldn’t try to use different types of thinking simultaneously. You’ll strip your mental gears. Most people evaluate too soon and too often, and therefore create less. In order to create more and better ideas, you must separate creation from evaluation, coming up with lots of ideas first, then judging their worth later.
* The Expert Syndrome. This is a big problem in any field where there are lots of gurus who tell you their secrets of success. It’s wise to listen, but unwise to follow without question. Some of the most successful people in the world did what others told them would never work.
* Fear of failure. No one wants to make mistakes or fail. But if you try too hard to avoid failure, you’ll also avoid success. To increase your success rate, you should aim to make more mistakes.
* Fear of ambiguity. Most people like things to make sense. Unfortunately, life is not neat and tidy; great creative ideas emerge from a swirl of chaos. You must develop a part of yourself that is comfortable with mess and confusion. You should become comfortable with things that work even when you don’t understand why.
* Lack of confidence. A certain level of uncertainty accompanies every creative act. A small measure of self-doubt is healthy. However, you must have confidence in your abilities in order to create and carry out effective solutions to problems. Much of this comes from experience, but confidence also comes from familiarity with how creativity works. When you understand that ideas often seem crazy at first, that failure is just a learning experience, and that nothing is impossible, you are on your way to becoming more confident and more creative.
* Discouragement from other people. Even if you have a wide-open mind and the ability to see what’s possible, most people around you will not. They will tell you in various and often subtle ways to conform, be sensible, and not rock the boat. Ignore them.
* Being overwhelmed by information. It’s called “analysis paralysis,” the condition of spending so much time thinking about a problem and cramming your brain with so much information that you lose the ability to act. It’s been said that information is to the brain what food is to the body. True enough. But just as you can overeat, you can also overthink.
* Being trapped by false limits. Ask a writer for a great idea, and you’ll get a solution that involves words. Ask a designer for a great idea, and you’ll get a solution that involves visuals. We’re all a product of our experience. But the limitations we have are self-imposed. Only when you force yourself to look past what you know and feel comfortable with, can you come up with the breakthrough ideas you’re looking for.
MY THOUGHTS
Even when you're into something you love doing, there are times when creativity seems to have flown out the window. How much more difficult could it be when you're doing something you do not like doing?
By Jessica Stillman | October 5, 2010
www.bnet.com
If you’re looking to be more creative at work, there are plenty of tips available. BNET bloggers have suggested everything from moving to another country to boost creativity to seven habits to be more innovative. But the blog Copyblogger recently took the opposite tack, suggesting eight habits to avoid, lest you stifle out-of-the-box thinking. They’re pitched primarily at copywriters (as the blog title suggests) but can help anyone who wants to generate more fresh ideas. Here’s what to steer clear of:
* Creating and evaluating at the same time. You can’t drive a car in first gear and reverse at the same time. Likewise, you shouldn’t try to use different types of thinking simultaneously. You’ll strip your mental gears. Most people evaluate too soon and too often, and therefore create less. In order to create more and better ideas, you must separate creation from evaluation, coming up with lots of ideas first, then judging their worth later.
* The Expert Syndrome. This is a big problem in any field where there are lots of gurus who tell you their secrets of success. It’s wise to listen, but unwise to follow without question. Some of the most successful people in the world did what others told them would never work.
* Fear of failure. No one wants to make mistakes or fail. But if you try too hard to avoid failure, you’ll also avoid success. To increase your success rate, you should aim to make more mistakes.
* Fear of ambiguity. Most people like things to make sense. Unfortunately, life is not neat and tidy; great creative ideas emerge from a swirl of chaos. You must develop a part of yourself that is comfortable with mess and confusion. You should become comfortable with things that work even when you don’t understand why.
* Lack of confidence. A certain level of uncertainty accompanies every creative act. A small measure of self-doubt is healthy. However, you must have confidence in your abilities in order to create and carry out effective solutions to problems. Much of this comes from experience, but confidence also comes from familiarity with how creativity works. When you understand that ideas often seem crazy at first, that failure is just a learning experience, and that nothing is impossible, you are on your way to becoming more confident and more creative.
* Discouragement from other people. Even if you have a wide-open mind and the ability to see what’s possible, most people around you will not. They will tell you in various and often subtle ways to conform, be sensible, and not rock the boat. Ignore them.
* Being overwhelmed by information. It’s called “analysis paralysis,” the condition of spending so much time thinking about a problem and cramming your brain with so much information that you lose the ability to act. It’s been said that information is to the brain what food is to the body. True enough. But just as you can overeat, you can also overthink.
* Being trapped by false limits. Ask a writer for a great idea, and you’ll get a solution that involves words. Ask a designer for a great idea, and you’ll get a solution that involves visuals. We’re all a product of our experience. But the limitations we have are self-imposed. Only when you force yourself to look past what you know and feel comfortable with, can you come up with the breakthrough ideas you’re looking for.
MY THOUGHTS
Even when you're into something you love doing, there are times when creativity seems to have flown out the window. How much more difficult could it be when you're doing something you do not like doing?
FIND YOUR PURPOSE
How to Open Yourself to Your Life's Purpose
O, The Oprah Magazine | October 02, 2009
In A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle writes that to awaken to your life's purpose, you have be ready for a change in the state of your consciousness. But how do you know when that time comes? And where can you even begin?
The one big question most of us ask ourselves is "What should I do with my life?" For most people, it's very difficult to answer. Use these simple suggestions from people who have successfully answered this question and are now living the lives of their dreams. Be inspired to pursue your dreams and discover the impact you are meant to have on the world!
1. Listen to your inner voice. It takes practice to hear your true desires. Your passion will often come as a whisper or serendipitous event that reminds you of what's important and what makes you happy.
This is similar to what is meant by trusting your gut or listening to your intuition.Award-winning actress Sissy Spacek has attributed her success to an experience she had as a young girl, attending a student performance at a neighboring school. Upon seeing a group of girls dancing on the stage, twirling batons and marching in line, Sissy thought to herself, "I could do that."
"Everyone has an inner voice; you just have to listen to it and trust it in order to be led by it," Sissy says. "I did that, and it gave me the ability to live a life that's true to who I am and what I really wanted."
Can you recognize what makes you happy?
2. Recognize crisis. Does your job feel like a grind? Are you spending your free time on something you love? Take an opportunity to appraise your happiness. One of the keys to living a purposeful life is recognizing when you are unfulfilled.
Debrena Jackson Gandy, an author and success coach, recommends women ask themselves one question: What brings you joy? Often, participants at her lectures are unable to find the answer because the joy has been displaced by work, family and day-to-day demands. Debrena recommends that people set aside a half hour to write out at least three things that have brought them joy, and be specific. After a few days, she challenges people to ask themselves what is keeping them from joy and to identify ways to invest in that happiness and make small but immediate changes.
3. Dwell in possibilities. Your passions could lead you in a lot of different directions to find fulfillment. Explore your life and unearth of the things that bring you joy.
To begin, life coach Cheryl Richardson advises you to take better care of yourself. Cheryl suggests nurturing your body and mind with exercise, meditation and eating well. Next, be conscious when something excites you or frustrates you. For example, if you read a story in the newspaper that inspires you, take note of it! That story might lead you to your passion.
Cheryl recommends answering a series of questions:
* What interest, passion or desire are you most afraid of admitting to yourself and others?
* What do you love about yourself?
* Who do you know that's doing something you'd like to do? Describe yourself doing it.
* How could you make the world a better place for yourself and others?
* What's stopping you from moving forward with exploring your passion?
Trust yourself to make the right decisions
4. Tune out the voice of the world. Make the strongest voice in your life your own. Finding your purpose could mean going against the advice of close friends and family. Take a leap of faith and trust in your dreams.
Martha Beck calls this the "trust-o-meter," the voice inside of you that has been with you since you were born but is programmed by outside influences. If your own trust-o-meter isn't working as it should, Martha advises taking The Trust Test to check if you trust the voice inside you.
5. Decide what kind of person you want to be. Rather than concentrating on what you want to do, think in terms of what kind of person you want to be. Let that guide your choices.
"Life isn't just about what you can have; it's about what you have to give," Oprah says. "What kind of person do you want to be?"
Living with integrity is a good start. Cheryl Richardson suggests making an Absolute Integrity List, which includes making three promises to yourself to restore your integrity. Next, construct your own vision statement to clarify what's most important to you and the person you most want to become. The third step is to ask yourself in which aspects of your life you could be more truthful.
Find a profession you love!
6. Bring your heart to your work. It takes passion and courage to find a profession that you love. Spending the time to discover that job is time well spent—it could make all the difference in your life!
If you don't think you're in the job you were born to do, there's no time like the present. Read eight true stories from women who switched careers midstream and found their wildest dreams realized. Plus, Tamara Monosoff, author of Secrets of Millionaire Moms, shares three, one-page business plans to help bring your big ideas to life.
Even if you're stymied about where to start, there's still hope! Master career consultant Marcus Buckingham has created a printable worksheet for you to use to identify your strengths PDF and help you find meaning in your work.
7. Trust transformation. Hard times are a natural part of life. Don't be afraid to change because of your experiences. Instead, let them shape and steer your course.
Hardship goes hand in hand with tough times. Instead of ignoring difficult times, embrace them. Poet Nikki Giovanni tells the story of having been pulled over by a state trooper after having gotten herself and a friend lost on the drive to Princeton, New Jersey. She was certain she would be ticketed, but the trooper instead gave her directions and sent the two women on their way. "I realized that when the trooper looked into the car, he didn't see what we thought he saw—two hip, young women going someplace," Nikki says. "He saw his grandmother. It was a depressing moment."
Nikki says that too many people resist change, which never lets them enjoy who they are.
"Embrace the change, no matter what it is; once you do, you can learn about the new world you're in and take advantage of it," she says. "You still bring to bear all your prior experience, but you're riding on another level. It's completely liberating."
Live without regret
8. Have no regrets. According to the experts, it's easy to regret the time you've spent being unhappy or unfulfilled. Realize that during that time you developed the skills you need to succeed!
Martha Beck has six steps you can take to live without regret. They include letting go, learning to compartmentalize certain feelings and reclaiming your dreams. As important as these steps are, Martha suggests thinking of regret as a tool, rather than an uncomfortable reminder of past mistakes.
"If you've grieved your losses, reclaimed your dreams and articulated your anger, regret will have made you the right kind of tough-and-tender: dauntless of spirit, soft of heart, convinced by experience that nothing based on fear—but everything based on love—is worth doing," she says. "Living this way doesn't guarantee an easy life; in fact, it will probably take you on a wondrously wild ride. But I promise, you won't regret it."
9. Take the first step. Destiny can't help you until you are willing to step out of your comfort zone. Get prepared to make changes in your life...and start making them!
It takes courage to even think about changing your life, much less to put that plan into action. Dr. Robert Holden has dedicated his life to studying the pursuit of happiness. He says most people struggle to overcome "destination addiction," which he defines as not living in the moment.
Try taking Dr. Holden's Happiness Test for suggestions on where to make the first step in your life.
Exercise patience
10. Be patient. Finding your life's purpose won't happen overnight. In every life, there's a fast road and a slow road. Most of us take the slow road! Keep your commitment and take small steps to make it happen.
Writer Amy Gross offers four ways to become a more pateint person:
1. First thing: Just stop. Catch the mind ranting that you shouldn't be in this situation&8212;because you are. Give up the fight. You've lost the battle, but not the war.
2. Settle into the moment. You might feel your body ease down, yielding to gravity (wise move). Your shoulders and belly relax, your jaw too.
3. Go into your body with your mind's eye and find our how you know you're impatient. Are you tight, tense, breathing shallowly, clenching, jiggling? Where exactly? Focus on those sensations as closely as you can. Touch them with your mind.
4. See if you can open any tightness, breathe into any clenching. With a really ornery knot, give up trying to fix it and see if you can welcome it, make room for it.
Buddhist nun Pema Chódrón talks to Oprah about dealing with difficult feelings and living in them moment
MY THOUGHTS
Be quiet. Spend some time alone. You cannot hear your inner voice when there are too many things going on.
O, The Oprah Magazine | October 02, 2009
In A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle writes that to awaken to your life's purpose, you have be ready for a change in the state of your consciousness. But how do you know when that time comes? And where can you even begin?
The one big question most of us ask ourselves is "What should I do with my life?" For most people, it's very difficult to answer. Use these simple suggestions from people who have successfully answered this question and are now living the lives of their dreams. Be inspired to pursue your dreams and discover the impact you are meant to have on the world!
1. Listen to your inner voice. It takes practice to hear your true desires. Your passion will often come as a whisper or serendipitous event that reminds you of what's important and what makes you happy.
This is similar to what is meant by trusting your gut or listening to your intuition.Award-winning actress Sissy Spacek has attributed her success to an experience she had as a young girl, attending a student performance at a neighboring school. Upon seeing a group of girls dancing on the stage, twirling batons and marching in line, Sissy thought to herself, "I could do that."
"Everyone has an inner voice; you just have to listen to it and trust it in order to be led by it," Sissy says. "I did that, and it gave me the ability to live a life that's true to who I am and what I really wanted."
Can you recognize what makes you happy?
2. Recognize crisis. Does your job feel like a grind? Are you spending your free time on something you love? Take an opportunity to appraise your happiness. One of the keys to living a purposeful life is recognizing when you are unfulfilled.
Debrena Jackson Gandy, an author and success coach, recommends women ask themselves one question: What brings you joy? Often, participants at her lectures are unable to find the answer because the joy has been displaced by work, family and day-to-day demands. Debrena recommends that people set aside a half hour to write out at least three things that have brought them joy, and be specific. After a few days, she challenges people to ask themselves what is keeping them from joy and to identify ways to invest in that happiness and make small but immediate changes.
3. Dwell in possibilities. Your passions could lead you in a lot of different directions to find fulfillment. Explore your life and unearth of the things that bring you joy.
To begin, life coach Cheryl Richardson advises you to take better care of yourself. Cheryl suggests nurturing your body and mind with exercise, meditation and eating well. Next, be conscious when something excites you or frustrates you. For example, if you read a story in the newspaper that inspires you, take note of it! That story might lead you to your passion.
Cheryl recommends answering a series of questions:
* What interest, passion or desire are you most afraid of admitting to yourself and others?
* What do you love about yourself?
* Who do you know that's doing something you'd like to do? Describe yourself doing it.
* How could you make the world a better place for yourself and others?
* What's stopping you from moving forward with exploring your passion?
Trust yourself to make the right decisions
4. Tune out the voice of the world. Make the strongest voice in your life your own. Finding your purpose could mean going against the advice of close friends and family. Take a leap of faith and trust in your dreams.
Martha Beck calls this the "trust-o-meter," the voice inside of you that has been with you since you were born but is programmed by outside influences. If your own trust-o-meter isn't working as it should, Martha advises taking The Trust Test to check if you trust the voice inside you.
5. Decide what kind of person you want to be. Rather than concentrating on what you want to do, think in terms of what kind of person you want to be. Let that guide your choices.
"Life isn't just about what you can have; it's about what you have to give," Oprah says. "What kind of person do you want to be?"
Living with integrity is a good start. Cheryl Richardson suggests making an Absolute Integrity List, which includes making three promises to yourself to restore your integrity. Next, construct your own vision statement to clarify what's most important to you and the person you most want to become. The third step is to ask yourself in which aspects of your life you could be more truthful.
Find a profession you love!
6. Bring your heart to your work. It takes passion and courage to find a profession that you love. Spending the time to discover that job is time well spent—it could make all the difference in your life!
If you don't think you're in the job you were born to do, there's no time like the present. Read eight true stories from women who switched careers midstream and found their wildest dreams realized. Plus, Tamara Monosoff, author of Secrets of Millionaire Moms, shares three, one-page business plans to help bring your big ideas to life.
Even if you're stymied about where to start, there's still hope! Master career consultant Marcus Buckingham has created a printable worksheet for you to use to identify your strengths PDF and help you find meaning in your work.
7. Trust transformation. Hard times are a natural part of life. Don't be afraid to change because of your experiences. Instead, let them shape and steer your course.
Hardship goes hand in hand with tough times. Instead of ignoring difficult times, embrace them. Poet Nikki Giovanni tells the story of having been pulled over by a state trooper after having gotten herself and a friend lost on the drive to Princeton, New Jersey. She was certain she would be ticketed, but the trooper instead gave her directions and sent the two women on their way. "I realized that when the trooper looked into the car, he didn't see what we thought he saw—two hip, young women going someplace," Nikki says. "He saw his grandmother. It was a depressing moment."
Nikki says that too many people resist change, which never lets them enjoy who they are.
"Embrace the change, no matter what it is; once you do, you can learn about the new world you're in and take advantage of it," she says. "You still bring to bear all your prior experience, but you're riding on another level. It's completely liberating."
Live without regret
8. Have no regrets. According to the experts, it's easy to regret the time you've spent being unhappy or unfulfilled. Realize that during that time you developed the skills you need to succeed!
Martha Beck has six steps you can take to live without regret. They include letting go, learning to compartmentalize certain feelings and reclaiming your dreams. As important as these steps are, Martha suggests thinking of regret as a tool, rather than an uncomfortable reminder of past mistakes.
"If you've grieved your losses, reclaimed your dreams and articulated your anger, regret will have made you the right kind of tough-and-tender: dauntless of spirit, soft of heart, convinced by experience that nothing based on fear—but everything based on love—is worth doing," she says. "Living this way doesn't guarantee an easy life; in fact, it will probably take you on a wondrously wild ride. But I promise, you won't regret it."
9. Take the first step. Destiny can't help you until you are willing to step out of your comfort zone. Get prepared to make changes in your life...and start making them!
It takes courage to even think about changing your life, much less to put that plan into action. Dr. Robert Holden has dedicated his life to studying the pursuit of happiness. He says most people struggle to overcome "destination addiction," which he defines as not living in the moment.
Try taking Dr. Holden's Happiness Test for suggestions on where to make the first step in your life.
Exercise patience
10. Be patient. Finding your life's purpose won't happen overnight. In every life, there's a fast road and a slow road. Most of us take the slow road! Keep your commitment and take small steps to make it happen.
Writer Amy Gross offers four ways to become a more pateint person:
1. First thing: Just stop. Catch the mind ranting that you shouldn't be in this situation&8212;because you are. Give up the fight. You've lost the battle, but not the war.
2. Settle into the moment. You might feel your body ease down, yielding to gravity (wise move). Your shoulders and belly relax, your jaw too.
3. Go into your body with your mind's eye and find our how you know you're impatient. Are you tight, tense, breathing shallowly, clenching, jiggling? Where exactly? Focus on those sensations as closely as you can. Touch them with your mind.
4. See if you can open any tightness, breathe into any clenching. With a really ornery knot, give up trying to fix it and see if you can welcome it, make room for it.
Buddhist nun Pema Chódrón talks to Oprah about dealing with difficult feelings and living in them moment
MY THOUGHTS
Be quiet. Spend some time alone. You cannot hear your inner voice when there are too many things going on.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
DEALING WITH CHANGE
How Do You Adapt to Change?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published March 18, 2011
The English naturalist Charles Darwin is famous for his theory of evolution called natural selection. Today, I simply want to use one of his quotes to make an important point about finding peace of mind, personal happiness and overall life contentment. It goes as follows: “It’s not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives, it’s the one that is most adaptable to change.” Since change is a constant occurrence in the world, learning to accept, manage and direct it is paramount to dealing with life’s inevitable twists and turns.
Some of you may be smack dab in the middle of one of these emotional and life-altering changes right now. Most people have a natural tendency to fight change tooth and nail; others tend to hunker down and ride out the storm; and some tend to grab the bull by the horns and make the change work for them. So today’s Reflection simply asks you to consider these three modes of reacting to change and see which one best describes your typical response. At the end of the day, you can’t stop change from occurring in your life, but you can definitely get better at dealing with it!
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
I think the way we deal with change depends on what's going to change. It's hardest to change when everything's A-okay and you don't see the need for it.
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published March 18, 2011
The English naturalist Charles Darwin is famous for his theory of evolution called natural selection. Today, I simply want to use one of his quotes to make an important point about finding peace of mind, personal happiness and overall life contentment. It goes as follows: “It’s not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives, it’s the one that is most adaptable to change.” Since change is a constant occurrence in the world, learning to accept, manage and direct it is paramount to dealing with life’s inevitable twists and turns.
Some of you may be smack dab in the middle of one of these emotional and life-altering changes right now. Most people have a natural tendency to fight change tooth and nail; others tend to hunker down and ride out the storm; and some tend to grab the bull by the horns and make the change work for them. So today’s Reflection simply asks you to consider these three modes of reacting to change and see which one best describes your typical response. At the end of the day, you can’t stop change from occurring in your life, but you can definitely get better at dealing with it!
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
I think the way we deal with change depends on what's going to change. It's hardest to change when everything's A-okay and you don't see the need for it.
FACING YOUR FEAR
How to Find Your Passion
3. Fearful
By Martha Beck
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the September 2003 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
One of my clients—I'll call her Paige—was a tall, gorgeous, intelligent athlete preparing to try out for a professional team. The pressure triggered a host of fears Paige had suffered since childhood. She began to replace training with eating binges, and she started gaining weight while losing strength and speed. We spent some time discussing Paige's history of physical and sexual abuse. This lessened her fear, but didn't eliminate it entirely. Why? Because Paige really cared about making that particular team, and there was a good chance she'd fail, and that was scary to her. Period. To get unstuck, we have to take this kind of risk, fear or no fear. Waiting to feel brave so that you can act brave? Sorry. The only way to develop courage is to act brave until you feel brave.
In Paige's case, this meant doing two things every day: nurturing the scared little girl inside her, and getting that scared little girl to the damn gym. We called it the soft-heart, hard-ass approach. If you're stuck, I'd advise you to adopt it. Care for your heart by soothing it, but follow your dreams even when you're scared. Make friends with the fear that tells you you're doing something real and important, that you're breaking out of your comfort zone.
Once she adopted this new approach, Paige realized that it was getting her in good enough shape to be a model as well as an athlete. Suddenly, making the team wasn't her only way forward. By feeling the fear and doing something anyway, you do risk failure—but you will still get unstuck, often in ways you never expected.
MY THOUGHTS
Fear has this freezing effect. We get frozen in a spot where we shouldn't be because we're so afraid to make even the slightest move. The more we stay in that spot, the more freezing cold it becomes. Until we get so numb we have no way of getting out of that spot.
Fear can also spring us into action. When someone (or something) we love is in danger, we do things that we never thought we could do.
It is our choice then, if we want to stay frozen in a rut or if we want to face that fear and be free of it.
3. Fearful
By Martha Beck
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the September 2003 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
One of my clients—I'll call her Paige—was a tall, gorgeous, intelligent athlete preparing to try out for a professional team. The pressure triggered a host of fears Paige had suffered since childhood. She began to replace training with eating binges, and she started gaining weight while losing strength and speed. We spent some time discussing Paige's history of physical and sexual abuse. This lessened her fear, but didn't eliminate it entirely. Why? Because Paige really cared about making that particular team, and there was a good chance she'd fail, and that was scary to her. Period. To get unstuck, we have to take this kind of risk, fear or no fear. Waiting to feel brave so that you can act brave? Sorry. The only way to develop courage is to act brave until you feel brave.
In Paige's case, this meant doing two things every day: nurturing the scared little girl inside her, and getting that scared little girl to the damn gym. We called it the soft-heart, hard-ass approach. If you're stuck, I'd advise you to adopt it. Care for your heart by soothing it, but follow your dreams even when you're scared. Make friends with the fear that tells you you're doing something real and important, that you're breaking out of your comfort zone.
Once she adopted this new approach, Paige realized that it was getting her in good enough shape to be a model as well as an athlete. Suddenly, making the team wasn't her only way forward. By feeling the fear and doing something anyway, you do risk failure—but you will still get unstuck, often in ways you never expected.
MY THOUGHTS
Fear has this freezing effect. We get frozen in a spot where we shouldn't be because we're so afraid to make even the slightest move. The more we stay in that spot, the more freezing cold it becomes. Until we get so numb we have no way of getting out of that spot.
Fear can also spring us into action. When someone (or something) we love is in danger, we do things that we never thought we could do.
It is our choice then, if we want to stay frozen in a rut or if we want to face that fear and be free of it.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
DON'T LET OTHERS STEAL YOUR PASSION
DON'T LET OTHERS STEAL YOUR PASSION
How to Find Your Passion
2. Forbidden
By Martha Beck
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the September 2003 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
Often stuck people have learned through experience, example, or explicit instruction that passion is bad. You may feel stuck if your fundamentalist parents railed against sin or if your suave intellectual friends mock anyone who seems enthusiastic. We'll do almost anything to avoid shame or. To see whether you have been disimpassioned by social judgment, complete the following sentences with whatever comes to mind.
If I didn't care what anyone thought, I would.....
If I knew my parents would never find out, I'd.....
If I could be sure I'd do it right, I would.....
If you thought of things you've never actually done, things that make you giggle with embarrassment, you're probably forbidding yourself to follow your passion. You've learned to expect negative judgments, so (consciously or unconsciously) you avoid intense feeling and anything that causes it.
The tragic thing is that many people never realize there are places where they can swim with confidence. It's true that some social environments are vicious, but others are warm, accepting, loving. Think of the things that you'd do if they weren't forbidden. If they don't violate your own moral code, start doing them—without telling the people who would judge you.
You'd think this would be obvious, but it isn't. I've watched incredulously as dozens of clients who are just getting unstuck seek support from the very people who got them stuck in the first place. They confide in their militantly atheistic friends about their call to the ministry, or tell their pessimistic, puritanical mother that they want to dance, dance, dance! Don't make this mistake. You know what sharks look like, and the places they lurk. Avoid them. Instead share your passion with folks who are likely to support you. In doing so, you'll add social approval to the inherent joy of following your passions—and it will feel fabulous.
MY THOUGHTS
If you grew up in a culture where everyone and everything is 'judged', you'll learn not to care what people think or say. You go about your way with a passion that judgmental people will probably never understand. Who cares? For as long as you are not hurting anyone, go about your passion with passion.
How to Find Your Passion
2. Forbidden
By Martha Beck
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the September 2003 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
Often stuck people have learned through experience, example, or explicit instruction that passion is bad. You may feel stuck if your fundamentalist parents railed against sin or if your suave intellectual friends mock anyone who seems enthusiastic. We'll do almost anything to avoid shame or. To see whether you have been disimpassioned by social judgment, complete the following sentences with whatever comes to mind.
If I didn't care what anyone thought, I would.....
If I knew my parents would never find out, I'd.....
If I could be sure I'd do it right, I would.....
If you thought of things you've never actually done, things that make you giggle with embarrassment, you're probably forbidding yourself to follow your passion. You've learned to expect negative judgments, so (consciously or unconsciously) you avoid intense feeling and anything that causes it.
The tragic thing is that many people never realize there are places where they can swim with confidence. It's true that some social environments are vicious, but others are warm, accepting, loving. Think of the things that you'd do if they weren't forbidden. If they don't violate your own moral code, start doing them—without telling the people who would judge you.
You'd think this would be obvious, but it isn't. I've watched incredulously as dozens of clients who are just getting unstuck seek support from the very people who got them stuck in the first place. They confide in their militantly atheistic friends about their call to the ministry, or tell their pessimistic, puritanical mother that they want to dance, dance, dance! Don't make this mistake. You know what sharks look like, and the places they lurk. Avoid them. Instead share your passion with folks who are likely to support you. In doing so, you'll add social approval to the inherent joy of following your passions—and it will feel fabulous.
MY THOUGHTS
If you grew up in a culture where everyone and everything is 'judged', you'll learn not to care what people think or say. You go about your way with a passion that judgmental people will probably never understand. Who cares? For as long as you are not hurting anyone, go about your passion with passion.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
HOW TO FIND YOUR PASSION
How to Find Your Passion
1. Fatigue
By Martha Beck
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the September 2003 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
If your inner life is so blah that you don't enjoy anything, or if you know what you love but find yourself stuck in Yeah-but excuses, ask yourself, "How old do I feel?" If the answer is "Really, really old," you're probably too tired to embark on the sea of passion. Fatigue can cause an absence of physical desire (an exhausted body isn't programmed to win races or make babies), a loss of mental acuity, and/or a flat emotional profile.
At times, this may reach the level of depression. One day a client oozed into my office, slumped into a chair, and said she was depressed—only she said it so slowly that I thought she said "deep rest." In a way, this was accurate. Depression can be part of a general shutdown, meant to turn us toward healing. A tired body, a tired mind, a tired heart can't—and shouldn't—be passionate about anything but rest. So if you're exhausted, care for yourself. Curl up with the cat and watch TV, sleep, read, sleep some more. Eventually, you'll wake up feeling like it's time to go for a swim. One important caveat: If you aren't feeling refreshed after a couple of weeks' rest, it's time to see a doctor. You may have a condition, such as a chemical imbalance, that can be alleviated only through professional care.
MY THOUGHTS
That's right! If after 2 weeks of complete rest you're still not up to doing anything else but curl up in bed, you're not depressed. You're a living...dead.
1. Fatigue
By Martha Beck
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the September 2003 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
If your inner life is so blah that you don't enjoy anything, or if you know what you love but find yourself stuck in Yeah-but excuses, ask yourself, "How old do I feel?" If the answer is "Really, really old," you're probably too tired to embark on the sea of passion. Fatigue can cause an absence of physical desire (an exhausted body isn't programmed to win races or make babies), a loss of mental acuity, and/or a flat emotional profile.
At times, this may reach the level of depression. One day a client oozed into my office, slumped into a chair, and said she was depressed—only she said it so slowly that I thought she said "deep rest." In a way, this was accurate. Depression can be part of a general shutdown, meant to turn us toward healing. A tired body, a tired mind, a tired heart can't—and shouldn't—be passionate about anything but rest. So if you're exhausted, care for yourself. Curl up with the cat and watch TV, sleep, read, sleep some more. Eventually, you'll wake up feeling like it's time to go for a swim. One important caveat: If you aren't feeling refreshed after a couple of weeks' rest, it's time to see a doctor. You may have a condition, such as a chemical imbalance, that can be alleviated only through professional care.
MY THOUGHTS
That's right! If after 2 weeks of complete rest you're still not up to doing anything else but curl up in bed, you're not depressed. You're a living...dead.
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