What to do with Unwanted FB Invites?

I got a strange (I was trying to avoid irritating but I won't) and very irritating friend request in FB today.  Strange because it was out of the blue. Very unexpected.  And it was very irritating because it was unexpected.

How can someone I have already "unfriended" send me an invite again?  Worse, how can someone - who maligned you and your friends - invite you to be a friend?  For the life of me, I couldn't comprehend.  Is this her way of making amends?  Or is she being her usual, obnoxious self?

I wished there was a decline button that I could hit as many times as I dislike this person.  And I wished she would get the message that I declined every time I hit the button with gusto.  Right this very minute, I am still arguing with myself.  I wanted to send a message with the a very mean question - "Why are you inviting me to be a friend?" and with a meaner note that says - "We will never be!"

How very un-Christian of me.  And God was quick at calling my attention

I was still fuming and seething as I checked my emails.  In my Inbox was a message from Mary Rau-Foster.  Mary sends me the Monday Motivating articles every week.  This is what she had for me this week: 

"Have you had one of those days, weeks, or months when it seems that someone in your life has wronged you? Are you feeling angry and resentful as a result of a conversation or a slight by another (family, friend, co-worker, or stranger)?" 

You know my answer to that one, right?

Here's more: 

"What can you do to get beyond the feelings that are holding you prisoner and poisoning your sense of well being? The answer is simple, but not easy. It is to just GET OVER IT!

At some point you have to let it go. Stewing over the situation will do nothing other than keep you boiling mad and, ultimately, burned out.  So what are the simple, but not so easy steps?

1. Make a decision! That is right; make a decision that you will not live your life poisoning yourself with thoughts of anger and resentment.
2. Extract the lesson. Figure out the lesson that you can learn from this situation and then keep the lesson, but throw away the experience.
3. Forgive - the other person and yourself! Forgiveness is the key to the handcuffs that are binding the two of you together. By forgiving or giving up the need to be angry, resentful, and feeling like a victim, you free yourself from the emotional snarls that keep you tied up in emotional knots.
4. Get over it! This includes not discussing it with others. Every time that you do, you will have to have to return to steps 1 thru 3. Frankly, there have been situations that I found so inflammatory and hurtful that I had to repeat steps 1 thru 3 many, many times until I could let it go and get over it."

 Aha!  She got me there, alright!  

I still haven't accepted the invite. I simply hit "Not Now" (where is that decline button?).  No, seriiously, I'm happy there's no decline button.  I don't know if I'll ever get to the point of adding her (again) to my list of friends.    I need to maul over what Mary sent me.  Maul and pray.

Forgiveness doesn't come easy.  Especially if there's no love to make you forgive the other.  I've got a long way to go here.  But I'll get there somehow.  Just "not now".

Source:  www.workplaceissues.com/mmmotivator.htm
 

Choosing Your Battles: A Challenge in Managing Yourself

Hills to Die On

Daily Inspiration

By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach

Published April 07, 2010

 

Life is truly a battle! It has a way of testing our physical and emotional armor daily, and it’s more intense for some than it is for others. For some, their battles are distant and involve very little distraction or life interruption. For others, every day seems like a life and death struggle on the front line. Choosing which battles to fight will, to a large degree, determine how happy and content you are with your life. My message today concerns how you decide which battles are worth fighting.

In the Marines, they ask a simple question before committing to battle: “Is this the hill that I want to die on?” I suggest you ask yourself the same question when considering entering the fray. In short, I think we all spend too much time fighting battles that are inconsequential to our lives. Too many fights can leave you battle-weary, angry and emotionally wounded. My question today is this: How good are you at picking the right hills to die on in your life?

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare

 

My Thoughts

Have you ever heard of that question "is this the hill that I want to die on?  

For a while, I wondered why the question sounded very new to me.  And then, I remembered, I was a self-confessed war freak.  And I was proud of it.

Embarrassing, but true.  A good part of my "old life" was spent fighting.  Fighting for everything and anything I thought was my right, my privilege, "mine". Definitely, an issue of not being able to "manage yourself".

How selfish!  And how full of pride - that awful, awful sin that makes us "die" on "hills" that should not have been our "graves".

Lucky for me, we have a God of second chances, a God who repairs, a redemptive God.

I still don't ask the question "is this the hill that I want to die on?".  But when I feel like putting on my "battle gears", on the verge of showing that I have not learned anything about "managing yourself", I stop and ask this question - "does God want me to fight or sit this one out?". 

I always get the same answer - "It's not your battle but Mine".

 

 

  

it's been a while

It's been a while since I've thought of the "challenge of managing yourself".  Maybe this has become such a daily thing - this "challenge of managing yourself"- that I've stopped taking notice this is what I've been trying to do.

The challenge of managing yourself is exactly what it is - one big, huge challenge.  If managing other people is not easy, try thinking of how you are managing yourself, leading yourself, making sure that you are an effective, productive, well-rounded (not literally), truly happy person.  If you're having problems managing others, think about how you are managing yourself.  We can't lead others if we cannot even lead ourselves.  It's called personal leadership- the key to leading others.

The challenge of managing yourself will continue to be challenging because the need to be better, to have better relationships, to be content, will always be there.  Unless, you have given up on yourself and it's okay to stay as you are, to think that your bad relationships are because of other people, to feel dissatisfied and sometimes empty.

Ever heard of Gestalt psychotherapy? The theory involves taking responsibility for your self, for your life. It's being response-able, not just responsible.  Very Stephen Covey - Habit # 1 of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - the essence of facing the challenge of managing yourself.

I think (and know) that the biggest challenge of managing yourself is that it deals with the self.  It's so much easier to see the fault of others, to try and change them, to make excuses, to tag ourselves as the victim, to say we are unhappy because of our boss or our partners in life.  And this is why no matter what we do, the challenge of managing yourself continue to be very challenging.  In fact the challenge of managing yourself becomes more and more difficult as we go along.  Because we fail to use Stephen Covey's principle of inside out - to see ourselves first:  what's wrong with us, what are we doing that contributes to the problem, what do we need to change (within us) to make things better, to be responsible for our actions, to be proactive instead of reactive.

The challenge of managing yourself should be a daily thing.  Maybe there's really no need to think about it because it is so interwoven into our routines, a habit, a way of life.  There's really no need to think about the challenge of managing yourself because you see the changes:  in yourself, in others as they respond to a better you.

Oh, well!  I don't know if I am making sense.  Maybe I should eat breakfast first.

6 Things You Might Be Taking For Granted

5 Things People Take for Granted

Daily Inspiration

By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach

Published August 17, 2012

 

Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone? Those were the memorable lyrics from a popular 1970’s hit song by Joni Mitchell, titled “Big Yellow Taxi,” that I just heard playing on the radio.

Truer words were never spoken, and those speak to the heart of my message today. With rare exception, most people take the most important things in life for granted.

Let me begin by saying that we’re all guilty of this to some degree. While it’s true that some of you are more tuned in to this than others, most people don’t give a second thought to the most precious things in life until they’re unavailable and the spotlight of awareness is brightly focused upon them.

So today I thought I’d share with you five of the most common things that I think most people take for granted:

1. Food and Water
When we get hungry or thirsty, we can simply pull into any fast-food joint or store and get something to drink and grab a quick bite to eat. We’re also quite accustomed to having our grocery stores stacked high and deep with a vast variety of purchasing options. Food and water is typically only a few minutes away, even at the worst of times for most of us.

 

2. Your HealthWhen I say health, I actually mean many different things beside the opposite of illness. I’m also referring to things we just do without thought every single day, like your ability to walk, use your hands, speak, hear, smell, taste and think clearly, for just a few examples. The body is an amazing creation and the fact that it operates smoothly most days is still a magnificent mystery to me that far too many of us simply take for granted.

3. Time
This is an interesting concept because I don’t think that most people realize how much they take time for granted until, that is, they get a bit older. Age has a way of teaching us all about how precious time is and how quickly it passes by us. Where did all of those years go? That’s a question I hear a lot from people as they age and mature.

4. Your Significant Other
There’s an unfortunate kind of complacency that seems to take hold in most relationships that’s born out of familiarity and naturally comes with the passage of time. The sad reality is that taking your significant other for granted can be emotionally distressing to your partner and potentially devastating to your relationship. Since human nature tends to take us in this direction, we should all be on guard about the downside of taking our companions for granted.

5. Friends and FamilyI think most people believe that their friends and family will always be there for them and, as a result, they’re often not treated with the kindness, love and respect they deserve. The reality is that these are the very people who we should attend to the most in our lives.

 

I bet many of you reading this today are guilty of at least one of the above offenses. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re a bad or insensitive person if you do. But whether you do it intentionally or not, it still causes problems and creates emotional distance. In my opinion, there’s always a small or large price to pay for taking someone or something for granted.

Even though there’s some comfort in believing that someone or something will always be there for you when wanted or needed, there’s also great danger too. For example, taking the availability of food and water for granted probably won’t present you with many problems in this country. However, taking your significant other or you family members and friends for granted can lead to deeply hurt feelings, personal resentment and possible estrangement.

I hope my message today leaves you with your eyes a bit more open. As that famous line from that Joni Mitchell song so correctly warns: You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone.

Be on guard for this all too common human tendency because, as late author Aldous Huxley once wrote, “Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.”

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare

www.innerdiet.com 

 

My Thoughts

 

I have something else to add to this list which, I strongly believe, is the most important - God.  A lot of us forget that we have God in our lives.  Oh, yes, we pray.  Yes, we go to church, maybe read a few bible passages.  But are we really mindful about God?  

 

Do we "take in" his teachings as we do food and water?

Do we think about our spiritual health?

Do we think of God as our "most significant other"?

Do we give God our time?  Is He our priority?

Do we consider God as our "friend", our "family"?

May God forgive me for all the times I take him for granted.  I pray that I will always be mindful of Him.

 

 

  

a way out of your rut

Be Unstoppable

I wonder why Jesus asked him that silly question.

Here’s the story. One day, Jesus saw a paralyzed man lying near the pool of Bethesda. The guy has been paralyzed for 38 years. Jesus asked him, “Would you like to get well?” (Read the full story in John 5:1-9)

       I find that…uh, rather strange. 

Why ask that question?

       The paralyzed man could have answered, “Helloooo… Is the sun hot? Is the Pope Catholic? Is Bo Sanchez handsome? Of course I want to get well. Goodness, are you blind, Jesus? Isn’t it pretty obvious? When you were a kid, I was already lying here. Before you were born, I was already lying here. I’ve been stuck here for 38 years. My gosh, why wouldn’t I want to get well?”

       But Jesus asked that question because he knew human nature. 

Let me shock you: Suffering people are ambivalent. Torn. Confused. Conflicted. Two-minded. 

Many sick people aren’t sure if they want to get well. Many poor people aren’t sure that they want to get rich. Many problematic people aren’t sure that they want all their problems to be solved. Many abused wives aren’t sure if they want to get rid of their abusive husbands.

       It’s crazy, but true. 

       How do you know if someone is ambivalent? If he gives excuses for not doing what he’s supposed to be doing.

       That’s what the paralyzed guy did. He said, “I can’t, sir, for I have no one to put me into the pool when the water bubbles up. Someone else always gets there ahead of me.” (The people there believed that the pool was miraculous.)

Believe me, I’ve heard the line, “I can’t…” a million times already. I hear it from suffering people who seemingly want to get out of their suffering—but don’t. After saying “I can’t…” they’ll give their excuses.

       Let me give you one example…

 “I Can’t Because…”

I’ve talked to a number of jobless people. Here are the actual statements I heard from them…

o   “I can’t find a job because there are so many others looking for a job.”

o   “I can’t find a job because I don’t know anyone…”

o   “I can’t find a job because I don’t know how to make a bio-data.”

o   “I can’t find a job because I have no one to accompany me.”

o   “I can’t find a job because it’s so hot these days and I’m allergic to the heat.”

o   “I can’t find a job because I lost my cellphone.”

o   “I can’t find a job because I don’t have anything nice to wear.”

       I repeat—Excuses are simply signs that they’re ambivalent. Bottomline, they don’t want a job. At least, they don’t want a job bad enough.

Here’s what I learned in life: If you want something bad enough, nothing much can stop you. Not a million other job applicants. Not the heat. Not the lack of a companion. Not the lack of a cellphone. Not the lack of nice clothes.

       Why are people ambivalent?

Two reasons…

Two Reasons For Ambivalence

       This seems insane—when a suffering person is not sure if he really wants to get out of his suffering or not.

       But there are 2 real reasons for this ambivalence…

1. Suffering Has Become Your Identity

       The paralyzed man had been paralyzed for 38 years. That’s a pretty long time. He saw himself as paralyzed. I bet he couldn’t see himself in any other way—until Jesus came along.

       For many people, their suffering becomes their Safe Zone. They’ve gotten used to the pain. And what is familiar is safe—no matter how painful that situation is.

       Listen to this statement from author Robin Sharma. The most dangerous place is your safe zone. If you want growth in your life, you have to get out of your safe zone. Because your safe zone is the place for dead people.

       At the root of all ambivalence is Fear. What kind of fear? The fear of the unknown.

       No matter how painful suffering is, at least we’re familiar with it. That suffering has become our identity. And once there’s an opportunity to get out of suffering, fear of the unknown grips our heart. Result? We become ambivalent.

       When I converse with the poor in slum areas, I cannot count the number of times I’ll hear these words, “I’m poor”; “We’re poor”; “My family is poor”… It’s a common refrain you’ll hear again and again.

Poverty has become their identity.

Many of them have gotten so used to it, if you give them an opportunity to leave poverty, they’ll not take it. Because they’re afraid at what will happen to them if they lose their identity of poverty.

Here’s my big question to you: What problem has become your identity? The man’s paralysis was his identity. So much so that his mat became his master. His problem ruled his life. His mat controlled him, not the other way around.

What is your Mat?

Jesus said, “Stand up and pick up your mat.” Don’t let that problem control you. Take control of your problem! Take charge of that sickness. Take charge of that debt. Take charge of that situation. Stand up!

       Here’s the second reason for ambivalence…

2. Suffering Has Become Your Income

       Problems have side benefits. Always.

       For the paralyzed man, his paralysis was the reason why he could earn a living as a BEGGAR. For 38 years, his paralysis put food on the table. No wonder Jesus asked him, “Do you want to get well?” In other words, Jesus was asking, “Hey Buddy, if you get well, you’re going to lose your income. You’ll have to change your career. Are you sure you want this?”

       This is a fact. We derive all sorts of income from our problems, not necessarily financial.

       I met a woman who was sick with hypertension, diabetes, allergies, and heart disease. And every year, she’d have a new sickness. She was going to different doctors almost every week, sometimes two or three times a week, for 12 long years. 

       After talking to her, I realized she was such a lonely person. She had no real family around her. And here’s my suspicion: She likes getting sick. The only time someone talks to her, or listens to her, or holds her hand, or touches her arm, is when she is sick. Her 6 doctors, all the nurses, and the clinics’ receptionists have become her small community. 

       Believe me, she’ll never get well. Unless she finds an “income-replacement”. (I invited her to join me at the Feast each week. So she’ll find a new community there!)

       Here’s my question to you: What income do you get from your suffering? Identify your income. And identity your “income-replacement”. If you don’t, you’ll always have ambivalence. Fear of the unknown will always hold you back.

       Today, I’d want to give you the three steps to get out of your paralysis, three steps to get out of your suffering…

3 Things To Do To Get Out Of Suffering

Are you paralyzed by your problem now?

There’s hope. You can get of your paralysis. You can pick up your mat and walk.

Here’s how…

1. Remove Ambivalence

       Every week at our Feast, I ask people to lift up their list of dreams written in their Novena to God’s Love. (We give this Novena to all first timers for free.)

       Why do I encourage people to pray for their dreams daily?

       Here’s why: Because Abundance is attracted to Clarity. 

Not Ambivalence.

       You need to be very clear with what you want. Let the question of Jesus reverberate in your heart.  He asks you, “Do you really want to get well? Do you really want to get out of your suffering? What do you really, really, REALLY want?”

Abundance Will Give Her Heart To

Someone Who Really Wants Her

Abundance is like a beautiful woman, waiting for the right suitor to win her heart.

Mister Ambivalence shows up at her doorstep, but looks terrible. He’s wearing an old pair of shorts and an ugly shirt. And he smells. He hasn’t taken a bath for a week. It’s clear he hasn’t come to court her. 

When Lady Abundance opens the door, he looks at her and says, “Miss, you look interesting.  I think I like you. But I really don’t know. You see, I’m in a complicated relationship with another girl right now. Her name is Poverty and she’s a real pain in the neck.  But I’m not ready to give her up just yet.”

What will Lady Abundance do? She’ll tell him, “Bye!” and shut the door. She’ll drive him away.

And then Mr. Clarity arrives. He looks dashing in a tie. He smells fresh. And he has a red rose in his hand. He says to her, “People told me you were lovely, but gosh, you take my breath away.   This might be too fast, but I have to tell you what’s in my heart. No, I don’t expect you to answer me today, or tomorrow, or next week, or next month. It doesn’t matter. I will wait. But I need to tell you that I will pursue you with all my heart until the ends of the earth. And I have to ask this question in Tagalog… Bangin ka ba?” (Are you a pit?)

Miss Abundance asks, “Why?”

“Nahuhulog ako sa iyo.” (I’m falling for you.)

What do you think will Miss Abundance do? You can bet she’ll be more attracted to Mr. Clarity than Mr. Ambivalence.

Do you want to get out of your suffering? Do you want to get out of your paralysis?

Remove ambivalence. Be unstoppable.

And you’ll get out of your suffering.

Here’s the second step…

2. Restore Authority

       The paralyzed man thought that healing came from the pool. The superstition was that the first person to jump into the water when it starts moving would be healed. 

       So far, for 38 years, he’s not been healed. Why? First of all, no one offers to carry him to the pool. Second, he’s never the first guy to dive in when the water bubbles up.

But Jesus told him, “Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk!” In other words, Jesus said, “Forget the pool. Forget about waiting for someone to carry you to the pool. You don’t need the pool. Stop waiting. The power isn’t in the pool. The power is in you.”

       Let me say that again: The power is in you!

       So many people look for power elsewhere. They believe that the solution to their problems depends on someone else. 

They wait for the government to help them. They wait for Mommy and Daddy to solve their problems. They wait for a friend to rescue them. They wait for their boss to promote them.

But unless you understand that the location of the power is within you—you won’t get out of your suffering.

       Jesus said, I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. (Mark 11:23)

       You can change the topography of your situation. God has given you the Authority to command the mountain of your problems to move!

       When you believe that the power is within you, you become unstoppable.

And finally, the third step to get out of suffering…

3. Repeat Action

       Psalms 23 says, Even though I walk through the valley of darkness, I fear no evil, for you are with me. (Psalms 23:4)

       Face it. There are many valleys in our lives.  Many places of suffering.

But I love this Psalm because it says that we don’t stay in the valley. We don’t sit in the valley. We don’t stand in the valley. We don’t sulk in the valley…

We walk through the valley.

       I love the illustration of walking because walking is a repeated action. Walking is putting one foot in front of the other foot. If you want to get out of suffering, you have to keep on doing the right thing again and again until you walk out of the valley.

          Jesus told the paralyzed man, “Walk.”

For 38 years, this guy has never walked. He was rusty. I can imagine how clumsy it must have been at the start.

His toothpick legs were wobbly.  Shaky. Unbalanced.  People probably held him up so that he wouldn’t fall. But he took that first wobbly step. And he took another step. And another… Until he walked out of his suffering.

To walk out of your suffering, you have to keep on doing the right thing again and again.

Are you jobless right now? Do the right thing again and again until you walk out of the valley. Keep developing yourself. Keep training yourself. Keep applying. 10 companies, 20 if necessary.   Don’t stop. Soon, you’ll walk out of the valley.

Are you buried in debt? Do the right thing again and again until you walk out of the valley. Don’t borrow again. Keep paying your debts. Keep living simply. Don’t stop. Soon, you’ll walk out of the valley.

Be Unstoppable

Let me repeat my big question to you: Are you unstoppable?

       The reason why you don’t have what you say you want is because you don’t want it bad enough.

       You say you want a strong relationship with your kids. But do you want it bad enough, you’ll do anything to make it happen? Like spending more time with them? Like giving up golf, TV, computers, games—so you could hang out more with your kids? Do you want it bad enough that you’re willing to humble yourself before your kids to ask forgiveness from them?

       You say you want to become wealthy.   But do you want it bad enough? Will you live simply so you can invest every month? Will you be willing to sell and be rejected? Will you get training? Will you read the right books, attend the right seminars, and seek out the right mentors?

       You say you want to be healthy. But do you want it bad enough? Will you do anything to achieve it? For example, will you eat the best nutritious food? Will you walk everyday?

       Remove ambivalence.

       Be clear with what you want.

       Be unstoppable.

       And walk out of the valley.

       May your dreams come true,

       Bo Sanchez

PS. Do You Want To Build Multiple Income Streams?  Join Me At My TrulyRich Financial Coaching Program on May 25 and 26 at Pasig, Metro Manila. Don’t be ambivalent. Be unstoppable. I want to teach more people to gain financial freedom. For more information, click on at the link below…

Tell me more about the TrulyRich Financial Coaching Program

On May 25-26, 2012

PS2. Learn about the Power of Intercession. Experience the Power of God in your life.  Discover your power to stand in the gap between God and your loved ones. Vita Monforte will give this Seminar on May 26, at 8am to 6pm, in Pasig. Learning Fee is supposed to be P700 per person, but because of generous sponsors who subsidize this seminar, it’s now only P200/person for the first 9 seats and P250/person for the remaining seats. To register, email beaconlightevents+seminar@gmail.com now.

MY THOUGHTS

I am so overwhelmed by what I read, I think I just stopped thinking.  I don't know what I'm thinking.  I can't think  of what I want to think.

But I know how I feel.  

I feel guilty. I know there's so much more I can do.  But I stopped moving because I feel comfortable already.  I have stopped being unstoppable.

I feel like a fraud.  I tell people, train people, on how to "manage yourself".  And yet, I have forgotten the very principles I ask people to espouse.

I feel motivated.  Bo Sanchez always does that to me.  From the time we had lunch with him as Shangri-la to the time he facilitated our retreat in Bangkok, he never fails to encourage me through his newsletters.

I feel blessed - to have read this article - and read it on a lazy Sunday afternoon when I have time to munch and mull over every word Bo has printed. 

I have created my own mat.  And I'm picking it up, this very minute.

 

 

Don't You Want to Enjoy Life?

I wasn't one to compartmentalize.  

If you're not sure what this means, think of your cabinets with different compartments where you organize your things and put them in the assigned space.  

one of my compartments, taken by me

Not for someone who is always in a hurry, right? You will need to think of how much space you have, how much things you need to put in which space.  Then, you will spend time putting things in the right compartment.  

Hmmm.  Not very encouraging, I thought.  When will I find the time to compartmentalize?


I was more of a multi-tasker.  

In fact, I should say I have become an expert in doing several things all at the same time: 

• talking on the phone while reading emails
• eating while driving
• cooking while doing laundry
• ironing clothes while watching TV
• dreaming while sleeping  

Well, maybe not the last one.  Although I think I had lots of sleepless nights because my schedules got so hectic, I try to think while I sleep. So much so, that the minute I opened my eyes, I jumped out of bed and grab paper and pen.  

Crazy life!  I was speeding and just about ready to crash.

rushing in hanoi by errol papera

That got me thinking, seriously, of listening to experts who say that multi-tasking is crap (forgive my french!).  As my schedules got crazier and I got more and more stressed and tired, I sat back and look at the impact of multi-tasking on my time.  On my life.


How many times did I have to make another call to the same person because I wasn't listening?  I was reading emails while on the phone.


How many times have I missed important emails because I was talking to someone?  And I have to go back to my mailbox (with thousands of unread mails) and search and search and search.


How many road turns or street corners have I missed because I was busy chomping on a sandwich and a banana?  And how many times do I have to clean the car because food was all over the seat and the carpet?

I thought of the burnt dinners and the burnt clothes - I was busy taking the laundry out of the washing machine  or I was busy crying over a mushy, romantic movie.


And I thought of all my sleepless nights and I thought - enough! This multi-taking thing was not working.  My schedules were getting tighter because I had to re-do things or do other things I would not be doing otherwise.


It's time to manage myself better, to manage my time more efficiently.  

I found these tips from the article "Compartmentalizing Your Life" by Mary-Rau Foster of Monday Motivating Moments:

1. Make a decision about what tasks need to be accomplished and which ones do not.
2. Eliminate the "I shoulds" and replace with the "I wills."
3. Create a list of the "to do's." Categorize the tasks as "must be done now," "should be done soon," and "it would be nice to get this done."
4. Decide which job you will tackle first.
5. Compartmentalize the tasks of the project that you will be tackling.
6. Commit to spending a designated period of time, 30 or 60 minutes, on one task.
7. For that period of time, work as though you were under a very pressing deadline, putting all of your energy and focus into the task.
8. Use a kitchen timer to alert you when the time has ended.
9. Stop when the timer rings, even if you feel like continuing on. Why? Because one reason we do not tackle big (or even small) projects is because we are sure that it will take too much time right then. If we continue working, we will find that our prediction has come true. However, for 30 to 60 minutes, we can take time out of other civilities to begin to attack this project.
10. Pat yourself on the back for staying on task and take notice of what you accomplished.
11. Reward yourself for the accomplishment.

I can't say the transition was easy.  Old habits die hard. That's for sure.  But I was intent on making changes, of taking control of my time instead of my time controlling me.


I'm making progress.  With God's help, my life is more relaxing and I have more time for prayer and for things and people that matter.

Today, my work is as demanding as ever.  But I have time.

Time to enjoy the flowers.

'define fresh' by dominic de leon

  Time to play hide and seek.

'it's not a crime to peek' by errol papera

 Time to enjoy the colors of life.

'colors of caliraya' by jopie banzon

 Time to stare at the sunset.

'my very own lumban sunset', taken by me

And time to be quiet and still.

'as tgranquil as can be' by von de leon

I'm enjoying life as I never have before.

Don't you want the same thing?

Do you Make Peace or Create Trouble?

BoSanchez.ph

Practical Soulfood For Successful People

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Be Flexible, Foolish, & Funny…

I just came from a vacation.

And I have jet lag.

       When you move from one time zone to another time zone, it’s a killer. I got sleepy all the time. I felt sleepy at 8am, at 11am, at 6pm, at 8pm. And then when it was time to sleep at 10pm, I was totally awake. After tossing and turning in bed, I finally slept at 1am, only to wake up at 3am, totally awake again. It was nuts.

       Why did this happen?  

Because though I’ve moved to a new time zone, my body was still operating in the old time zone.

       It’s the same with your life journey. 

You’re moving from one spiritual zone to another. From a Doubt Zone to a Faith Zone. From a Scarcity Zone to an Abundance Zone.  From an Impurity Zone to Purity Zone. From a Selfishness Zone to Selflessness Zone.

       But because you’re moving from one zone to another, you’re also experiencing a “lag”.

       Sometimes, you’re patient. Sometimes, you blow your top. 

Sometimes, you have it all together. Sometimes, you fall. 

Sometimes, you walk straight. Sometimes, you stumble.

Sometimes, you act in love. Sometimes, you act indifferently.

I have a simple message for you: Don’t be too hard on yourself.

       Don’t condemn yourself. Or you’ll get worse. You’ll be trapped.

       God forgives you. God understands that you’re moving in the right direction; you’re just experiencing a lag. And He says, “Don’t be too hard on yourself. Get up. Stand up again. And move on.”

Hold that thought for awhile because I’ll get back to it later. It’ll be very crucial when you decide to be a Peacemaker…

Two More Strategies To Be A Peacemaker

Last week, you learned two very important strategies on how to avoid unnecessary conflicts from your life: First, be faithful. That means making constant deposits in the emotional bank account of the people in your relationships. Second, be forbearing. That means accepting the weaknesses of others.

Today, I’d like to give you two more strategies, plus one Bonus strategy.

       Here they are…

3. Be Flexible

       Let me tell you one of my most favorite quotes. It’s from St. Augustine, written some 1600 years ago. He said, “In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity.”

       I love that quote. 

If you follow it, you’ll avoid many unnecessary conflicts.

       There are two kinds of conflicts: (1) Conflicts of Principle and (2) Conflicts of Preference.

I’ve realized that most of our Conflicts are Conflicts of Preference, pretending to be Conflicts of Principle. It’s just our self-centeredness and pride that’s causing the conflict.

Think about it.  Why fight over preferences and non-essentials that don’t matter after 6 months? Or after 1 year? Or after 5 years?

       Be flexible when it comes to your preferences.

Should Wives Submit To Their Husbands?

       One day, a man came up to me and said, “Brother Bo, please tell my wife to follow the Bible. The reason why we fight a lot is because she doesn’t follow the Bible’s verse that says, ‘Wives, submit to your husbands.’”

       He didn’t know that his wife was right behind him. She stood beside him and said, “Do you know why my husband and I fight a lot? Because my husband doesn’t follow the Bible verse after that verse. It says, ‘Husbands, love your wives the way Christ loved the church.’”

I laughed. She was right. 

How did Christ love the church? He died for her.

I’ve been reflecting on my marriage, and I really thank God I have a phenomenal marriage.

Why? My wife submits to me when it comes to Conflicts of Principle.  But because I want to die for her, I submit to her when it comes to Conflicts of Preference. 

Lucky for her (and unlucky for me), 99% of the time, life is about Preferences! So 99% of the time, I submit to her.

       Don’t get me wrong.

I always tell her my preferences…

Express Your Preferences,

But Don’t Fight Over Them

In fact, because I take my role as leader in the family very seriously, I plan for the family. Where to go. What to do. Obviously, I already weave in my preferences in the plans that I make.

In fact, I tell this often to single men: When you’re courting a woman, she is attracted to leadership.

I’m saying this because you may get the wrong idea that to be a peacemaker, you have to be like jello. “Darling, whatever you want, that’s what I want too.”

I tell single men to be a leader in the courtship process. 

Believe me, many women are frustrated because their men don’t know how to lead. 

Here’s a typical conversation women complain about.

Guy: “Where do you want to eat tonight?”

Girl: “You haven’t planned for it yet?”

Guy: “No, I want to go where you want to go.”

Girl: “You decide.”

Guy: “No, you decide.”

Girl: “It’s up to you…”

(Repeat 86 times.)

Guys, you’ve got to lead.

Here’s a better scenario. Express your preferences. Be a leader.

Guy:       “I know you like Italian, so I’m bringing you to this nice Italian restaurant I found in Makati that serves the best pasta. You’ll love their Aglio e Olio.”

Girl:        “Okay. Let’s try it.”

Guy:       “After that, let’s watch a movie. The actor that looks exactly like me has a new movie out now…”

Girl: “And who is that?” (raising her eyebrow)

Guy:       “John Lloyd. I’m a little bit hurt that you had to ask. Isn’t it obvious?” (fake hurt look)

But let’s say after he says “Italian”, she says…

Girl: “I’m not in the mood for Italian. Can we go Japanese instead?”

The answer should be…

“Guy: “There’s this great Japanese restaurant I’d like to show you too in Makati. Its sushi is to die for, and the Miso soup is the best I’ve ever tasted…”

In Courtship, we give up our Preferences.

In marriage, the courtship shouldn’t stop. 

Husbands and wives, you should still be wooing each other everyday, trying to win each other’s hearts.

What Is Your Goal?

I just came from a 2-week vacation. 

As my way of being a leader, I planned for the entire thing. I chose the flights we flew in, the hotels we stayed in, the rental cars we rode, the restaurants we ate in, and the places we visited. All written down two months before we flew out.

But whenever she told me that she preferred something that disagreed with my plans, I threw away my plans. Why? Because my wife is more important than my plans. 

After 13 years of marriage, here’s one of my most important goals: I wake up every morning and ask myself, “How can I make my wife happy?”

If that’s my goal, why fight over Preference? 

Parents, Choose Your Battles With Your Kids

Parents, don’t fight over Preferences with your children. 

If my son comes up to me one day and says, “Dad, I want to wear an earring,” I won’t declare World War III. 

I’ll listen. I’ll ask him to think through his decision. 

But I won’t fight him over it.

I won’t fight over musical tastes. No matter how terrible his modern music may sound to me. I won’t fight over hairstyle. No matter how atrocious it may be to me. I won’t fight over the type of clothes he wears. No matter how hideous they may look to me.

Because they’re preferences.

I’ll save my ammo.

I’d rather focus on building my relationship with him. Teaching him how to love God. Teaching him how serve others. Teaching him how to be a gentleman. Teaching him how to earn money. Teaching him how to choose a wife. 

Here’s the fourth strategy, the most difficult of them all.

4. Be Foolish

       Jesus said, If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.(Matthew 5:39)

This is one of the hardest Bible passages to interpret.

Its nuanced meaning is lost, because we don’t know the culture of that particular time and place.

       Dr. Walter Wink, a Bible Scholar, explains it in this way: In ancient middle-eastern culture, being slapped on the right cheek is very different from being slapped on the left cheek.

     First, the left hand cannot be used for slapping, because it was used for unclean tasks.  (I won’t have to expound on this one. Use your imagination.)  Only the right hand was used for slapping.

       To slap you on the right cheek, one has to use a backhand slap.

       And a backhand slap meant something very specific to the Jew; A backhand slap was how a master slaps a slave, or how a Roman slaps a Jew. The right cheek slap meant, “You’re beneath me! I shame you. I humiliate you.”

       When Jesus said, “Give your left cheek,” it meant something totally different. If I’ll slap you on the left cheek, I can’t use the back of my right hand. I’ll have to slap you with a fist or the front of my hand. Which had a totally different meaning to them. In their culture, it meant, “We’re equals.” You’ve reclaimed your dignity and refuse to be humiliated.

       What’s the point? When someone abuses you, God wants you to defend yourself. Not allow yourself to be humiliated.

       But He wants you to do something utterly foolish:“When people hurt you, don’t slap back. Don’t strike back. Don’t seek revenge. Don’t punish. Don’t get even. Instead, do good. Hopefully, your goodness will shame them, and their conscience will move them to change their lives.”

       St. Paul says the same thing. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. (Romans 12:14)

       Conflicts are vicious cycles. Conflicts perpetuate forever and last for 500 years because no one disrupts the cycle. Someone has to step in and say, “I won’t retaliate.” 

       Be foolish and show kindness when someone showed meanness.

Finally, I promised a “Bonus” strategy for avoiding unnecessary conflicts.

       Here it is…

5. Be Funny

Don’t take yourself too seriously.

       Here’s the truth: Nobody does. (Ha ha!)

       People who take themselves too seriously end up with a lot of conflicts.  Why?  Because they get easily offended. Their pride gets easily pricked.

       Here’s my advice. Don’t take it too seriously when people disagree with you. Or when people offend you.   Or when people criticize you.

       At the end of the day, they don’t matter.

       When a driver cuts in front of my car, I don’t get mad. I just smile and say, “He must be in a hurry to get to the toilet.” I don’t take it personally. That driver has problems, not me.

       Don’t make people with problems ruin your day.

       Why expend energy getting angry? It’s not worth it.

For example, I used to be bothered by people who criticize me. 

       One day, someone told me to read a blog of a Christian leader. He told me, “Bo, that guy said some nasty things about you.”

When I looked at it, it was true. In his blog, he was lambasting me for being a false prophet—a prophet of the devil. He criticized me for teaching people how to become rich. He said I was dragging people to hell because I was teaching materialism. (He also called other preachers false prophets: Rick Warren, Joel Osteen, T.J. Jakes. Wow, I’m in good company!) 

       I could have retaliated in anger. I could have answered him point by point and debated with him online.

       But I decided it was useless.

Instead, I prayed for him and his family.  I blessed him.  

I read his other blog entries… And there, I discovered he was financially hard up. He was active in ministry, but the lack of money for his family was a burden. He had no stable job. His wife had no job too.  Honestly, my heart went out to them. I wanted to donate money (anonymously) to his ministry.

       Here’s what I realized from that experience. Most often, people criticize you because they have personal problems that have nothing to do with you. 

       When people don’t like you, it’s not about you. It’s about them.

So why be affected by them?

       I repeat: Don’t let people with problems ruin your day.

       Do you get affected by people who don’t like you?

       Don’t be. Instead of retaliating, do the foolish thing and pray for them. Show kindness. 

And then live your own life to the full.

Smile. Laugh. Have fun!

You only live once. Don’t let the grumblers steal your joy.

Peace breaker Or Peacemaker?

      

       Friend, you have a choice.

      

       You can live your life as a Peace breaker or a Peacemaker.

At the start of this message, I talked about how you’re moving from one Zone to another. And how you’re experiencing a lag.

So I told you God’s message about not to be too hard on yourself.

      

       Here’s God’s other message for you today: Don’t be too hard on others too. Because they’re experiencing a lag, just like you. They still fall. They still falter. They still stumble.

Understand them. Accept them. Love them.

And you’ll become a Peacemaker.

      

       May your dreams come true,

       Bo Sanchez

PS. Do You Want To Earn Through Non-Traditional Real Estate?  Years ago, my real estate mentor Larry Gamboa taught me how to buy foreclosed properties from banks, paying only a small down payment, and turning them as “rent-to-own” apartments.  For the past years, these properties have been giving me steady passive income. I’m thankful that Larry taught me how to do it.  Just in case you’re interested, Larry Gamboa is giving a Think Rich Pinoy Seminar this December 3 (Saturday), at Philam Life Building at UN Avenue, from 8am to 6pm. If you want to learn more about what Larry does, click here.

MY THOUGHTS

If this thing doesn't make me start my work week right, I don't know what could.  It's such a gentle reminder.  Gentle, but with a very strong message. 

In our selfishness, we can be real "peace breakers", especially with family.  We get too comfortable, or too confident, that family will always forgive.  No wonder family troubles remain as conflicts for the rest of our lives.  Some people even bring in to their graves.

The old me would say, "I would rather die than make peace".  My tomb inscription would read, "Here lies a Trouble Maker".

I thank God for coming into my life.  It's still not easy to be a Peacemaker.  But the new me (or the almost new me), would like to say, "I don't want to die with all these conflicts hanging over my grave". I hope and pray that the family who will bury me will put this inscription on my tomb: "Here lies a Peacemaker.  Her life, and her love, showed us that God loves us".