it's been a while

It's been a while since I've thought of the "challenge of managing yourself".  Maybe this has become such a daily thing - this "challenge of managing yourself"- that I've stopped taking notice this is what I've been trying to do.

The challenge of managing yourself is exactly what it is - one big, huge challenge.  If managing other people is not easy, try thinking of how you are managing yourself, leading yourself, making sure that you are an effective, productive, well-rounded (not literally), truly happy person.  If you're having problems managing others, think about how you are managing yourself.  We can't lead others if we cannot even lead ourselves.  It's called personal leadership- the key to leading others.

The challenge of managing yourself will continue to be challenging because the need to be better, to have better relationships, to be content, will always be there.  Unless, you have given up on yourself and it's okay to stay as you are, to think that your bad relationships are because of other people, to feel dissatisfied and sometimes empty.

Ever heard of Gestalt psychotherapy? The theory involves taking responsibility for your self, for your life. It's being response-able, not just responsible.  Very Stephen Covey - Habit # 1 of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - the essence of facing the challenge of managing yourself.

I think (and know) that the biggest challenge of managing yourself is that it deals with the self.  It's so much easier to see the fault of others, to try and change them, to make excuses, to tag ourselves as the victim, to say we are unhappy because of our boss or our partners in life.  And this is why no matter what we do, the challenge of managing yourself continue to be very challenging.  In fact the challenge of managing yourself becomes more and more difficult as we go along.  Because we fail to use Stephen Covey's principle of inside out - to see ourselves first:  what's wrong with us, what are we doing that contributes to the problem, what do we need to change (within us) to make things better, to be responsible for our actions, to be proactive instead of reactive.

The challenge of managing yourself should be a daily thing.  Maybe there's really no need to think about it because it is so interwoven into our routines, a habit, a way of life.  There's really no need to think about the challenge of managing yourself because you see the changes:  in yourself, in others as they respond to a better you.

Oh, well!  I don't know if I am making sense.  Maybe I should eat breakfast first.

THE POWER OF A SMILE

Let a Smile Be Your Umbrella
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published June 06, 2011

I ran across the following saying in a crossword puzzle: “Let a smile be your umbrella.” I immediately turned to my computer in search of the origin of this phrase. As it turns out, it’s a song from 1927 and later recorded and made popular by Bing Crosby in 1957. With all that’s going on in our world today, I think this phrase serves as a powerful reminder of how YOU ultimately determine your attitude in life.

As complex and difficult as life can be, happiness is really not that complicated. The human smile is an incredibly powerful stimulus for creating happiness. Just offer a big smile to a baby and you’ll see Mother Nature’s contagious and natural reaction in that innocent little baby’s face as he or she smiles right back at you. So whoever or whatever it is that you’re battling today, don’t underestimate the power of the human smile. As that old song proclaims, it makes a great umbrella!

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

MY THOUGHTS

If love can move mountains, a smile can go a long way for love.

DON'T LET OTHERS STEAL YOUR PASSION

DON'T LET OTHERS STEAL YOUR PASSION

How to Find Your Passion
2. Forbidden
By Martha Beck
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the September 2003 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

Often stuck people have learned through experience, example, or explicit instruction that passion is bad. You may feel stuck if your fundamentalist parents railed against sin or if your suave intellectual friends mock anyone who seems enthusiastic. We'll do almost anything to avoid shame or. To see whether you have been disimpassioned by social judgment, complete the following sentences with whatever comes to mind.

If I didn't care what anyone thought, I would.....

If I knew my parents would never find out, I'd.....

If I could be sure I'd do it right, I would.....

If you thought of things you've never actually done, things that make you giggle with embarrassment, you're probably forbidding yourself to follow your passion. You've learned to expect negative judgments, so (consciously or unconsciously) you avoid intense feeling and anything that causes it.

The tragic thing is that many people never realize there are places where they can swim with confidence. It's true that some social environments are vicious, but others are warm, accepting, loving. Think of the things that you'd do if they weren't forbidden. If they don't violate your own moral code, start doing them—without telling the people who would judge you.

You'd think this would be obvious, but it isn't. I've watched incredulously as dozens of clients who are just getting unstuck seek support from the very people who got them stuck in the first place. They confide in their militantly atheistic friends about their call to the ministry, or tell their pessimistic, puritanical mother that they want to dance, dance, dance! Don't make this mistake. You know what sharks look like, and the places they lurk. Avoid them. Instead share your passion with folks who are likely to support you. In doing so, you'll add social approval to the inherent joy of following your passions—and it will feel fabulous.

MY THOUGHTS

If you grew up in a culture where everyone and everything is 'judged', you'll learn not to care what people think or say. You go about your way with a passion that judgmental people will probably never understand. Who cares? For as long as you are not hurting anyone, go about your passion with passion.

HOW TO DEAL WITH SOMEONE WHO DRIVES YOU NUTS

How to Deal With a Coworker Who Drives You Nuts
By Kelly Goldsmith and Marshall Goldsmith | November 3, 2010

Almost all of us work with someone who drives us absolutely crazy — one person who consistently frustrates us or makes us feel guilty or angry. Dwelling on how much we hate these coworkers is never a great idea. If you believe, as I do, that it’s our own behavior that holds us back from achieving as much as we can, then one of the larger impediments to our progress is the time and energy we waste being upset with someone else — especially someone we can’t change.

Not sure what your behavior has to do with someone else’s craziness? An old Buddhist parable may help illuminate the issue. A young farmer was paddling his boat up the river to deliver his produce to the village. He was in a hurry. It was a hot day and the farmer, covered with sweat, wanted to make his delivery and get home before dark. Looking ahead, he spied another vessel moving rapidly downstream toward his boat. The vessel seemed to be trying desperately to hit him.

“Change direction, you idiot!” he yelled at the other boat. “You’re going to hit me!” But his cries were to no avail. Although the farmer rowed furiously to get out of the way, the other boat hit him with a sudden thud. Enraged, he stood up and shouted, “You moron! How could you manage to hit my boat in the middle of this wide river? What’s wrong with you?”

As he strained to see the pilot of the other vessel, he was surprised to realize that it was empty. He was screaming at an empty boat that had broken free of its moorings and was just floating downstream with the current.

The next time you get angry and get ready to blow up because of someone else, just remember: there is never anyone in the other boat. When we are screaming, we are always screaming at an empty vessel.

Getting angry with other people for being who they are makes about as much sense as getting upset with your chair for being a chair. Your chair cannot help being a chair; that’s what it is. If you had that other person’s history, genes, family, and life, you would be that other person — and do exactly whatever it is they’re doing that you can’t stand. You don’t have to agree with, like or even respect the other person; just don’t let him make you crazy. After all, he probably isn’t losing sleep over you. You’re the one being punished — and you’re also the person who’s doing the punishing.

The next time a coworker starts making you crazy, try redirecting your energy to change yourself. The only boat that you can ever control is your own.


MY THOUGHTS

i so envy people who never let themselves be bothered by someone's behavior. people who never let another person affect them in a bad way. men or women whose feathers never get ruffled by an annoying person. what is the point? we cannot change others. and for sure, we can be annoying others too. if it gets too much to handle, walk away. and pray for understanding. and for a change of heart.

Optimists vs. Pessimists

The Differences Between Optimists and Pessimists
What's the Explanatory Style of an Optimist?

By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide

Updated May 08, 2008

About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board

'Explanatory Style' Explained

‘Explanatory style’ or ‘attributional style’ refers to how people explain the events of their lives. There are three facets of how people can explain a situation. This can influence whether they lean toward being optimists or pessimists:

Stable vs. Unstable: Can time change things, or do things stay the same regardless of time?

Global vs. Local: Is a situation a reflection of just one part of your life, or your life as a whole?

Internal vs. External: Do you feel events are caused by you or by an outside force?

Realists see things relatively clearly, but most of us aren’t realists. Most of us, to a degree, attribute the events in our lives optimistically or pessimistically. The pattern looks like this:

Optimists

Optimists explain positive events as having happened because of them (internal). They also see them as evidence that more positive things will happen in the future (stable), and in other areas of their lives (global). Conversely, they see negative events as not being their fault (external). They also see them as being flukes (isolated) that have nothing to do with other areas of their lives or future events (local).

For example, if an optimist gets a promotion, she will likely believe it’s because she’s good at her job and will receive more benefits and promotion in the future. If she’s passed over for the promotion, it’s likely because she was having an off-month because of extenuating circumstances, but will do better in the future.

Pessimists

Pessimists think in the opposite way. They believe that negative events are caused by them (internal). They believe that one mistake means more will come (stable), and mistakes in other areas of life are inevitable (global), because they are the cause. They see positive events as flukes (local) that are caused by things outside their control (external) and probably won’t happen again (unstable).

A pessimist would see a promotion as a lucky event that probably won’t happen again, and may even worry that she’ll now be under more scrutiny. Being passed over for promotion would probably be explained as not being skilled enough. She'd therefore expect to be passed over again.

What This Means

Understandably, if you’re an optimist, this bodes well for your future. Negative events are more likely to roll off of your back, but positive events affirm your belief in yourself, your ability to make good things happen now and in the future, and in the goodness of life.

Fortunately for pessimists and realists, these patterns of thinking can be learned to a degree (though we tend to be mostly predisposed to our patterns of thinking.) Using a practice called ‘cognitive restructuring,' you can help yourself and others become more optimistic by consciously challenging negative, self-limiting thinking and replacing it with more optimistic thought patterns.

Sources:
The Institute for Health and Human Potential.

Rich Dad, Poor Dad, Robert Kiyosaki, The Positive Psychology Center

MY THOUGHTS

i've always thought of myself as an optimist. now,i wonder. this article has some serious points that requires pondering. stress, apparently can stem from our perspective - are we optimistic or pessimistic? the more positive we are, the less stress we will have. if we view events in our lives negatively, stress will always be at our doors. the challenge, is therefore, in how we can change the way we look at things. not always easy. but it can be done.

Learning from our Failures

A Lesson Learned
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published December 27, 2010

I said something to a friend that seemed to jump out of my mouth without any conscious thought. He was telling me about his failure on a project he was working on, and said that he learned a lot in the process, but it turned out to be a big waste of his time. My response: “A lesson learned is never time wasted.”

That phrase is also applicable to you. Often, when people come up short of reaching their goal, they feel like a failure. In my opinion, nothing could be further from the truth, particularly if you’ve learned something important along the way. When you find yourself feeling disappointed or emotionally devastated because you didn’t reach a targeted goal, don’t just feel the pain and disappointment from it… learn from it! Failure is often the precursor of success, and as I told my friend, a lesson learned is never time wasted.

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

MY THOUGHTS

that could be the hardest part about failing. sometimes we avoid the lessons. because learning means changing. it means going against your grain. it means doing something you've never done before. we don't want to learn because it's so much easier to be "just the way we are".

Driver or Passenger?

Driver or Passenger?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published December 14, 2010

When you boil it all down, there are basically two types of people in this world: drivers and passengers. The drivers take charge, grab the helm and take on a leadership role during periods of crisis. The passengers take direction well, excel in working closely with others and get the job done.

Even though we all exhibit both of these behaviors at times, you’re typically and consistently more one than the other. Today I ask you to consider this concept and think about the following question: When it comes to matters in your life, do you take on the role of the driver or passenger?

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

MY THOUGHTS

in my life, i'm a driver most definitely. especially when no one else is taking the wheel. but once in a while, it feels good to let someone else do the driving. there's also a lot to learn from being the passenger. what i know about driving i didn't just learn on my own. i become a better driver when i remind myself of how it feels to be a passenger. but of course, i drive only up to certain point. and i try hard to use the map of the greatest driver of all. God is the one who's supposed to drive my life. and for as long as i'm in tune with Him, even if i get lost, for sure, he'll direct me to the right path.

where's your anger?

Where's Your Anger?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published March 31, 2010


Anger can be a destructive emotion. The physical and emotional price is costly enough, but the disruption and danger that it brings to others can be devastating. So today I’d like you to do a little personal self-assessment regarding the place that anger plays in your life. Some people can undergo all sorts of physical and/or emotional attacks and never unleash the anger inside them. Whereas others will blow up if you accidentally look at them the wrong way at the wrong moment.

The reality is that we all maintain conscious or unconscious distances from our anger. The rule of thumb is that the further away you are from anger, the safer and better off you and those around you are. If your anger is balancing on some kind of a weak hair-trigger, then you tend to snap very quickly. But those who can learn to maintain a safe emotional distance from their anger both physically and mentally benefit in a variety of ways. In a relationship, I suggest that you keep this in mind and take a measure of this emotion in any potential future partner as well. The news is full of horror stories about senseless violence over the most inconsequential of things. So where do you fall on this issue? Do you maintain a safe distance from your anger?


MY THOUGHTS

"The further away you are from anger" - this phrase alone should make us stop and think. What can get us close to or far from this destructive emotion? don't you notice that the happeier you are, the less angry you get? and how so easy it is for you to blow your top when you're stressed? What I've learned is that it pays to walk away - at least until after you've cooled down. then you're perspective would change and the anger somehow dissipates. i used to think that every isssue should be discussed. but there are issues that are much to big for us. that's when I let God take over. and the miracle starts to happen.