A Person of Interest
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published December 05, 2008
I was having a conversation with a friend the other day when he made a comment regarding a mutual acquaintance. He ended his description of this friend by saying he was a “very interesting guy.” As those words left his lips, the concept of being “interesting” stuck with me. According to the dictionary, the word interesting is an adjective defined as “arousing or holding the attention of someone.” Synonyms include: exciting, appealing, attractive and fascinating. Antonyms include: boring, dull and unexciting. With that as our foundation, let me get to today’s reflection.
With the concept of “being interesting” as our launching pad today, I have two thoughts for you to consider. First, who is the most interesting person you know, and what is it about him or her you find so interesting? And second, of all the people in your life, who do you think finds YOU interesting, and what do you believe makes you so interesting to that person. I have a feeling your thoughts and comments will be very interesting indeed!
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
Got a question? Ask Dr. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
That's not how I define interesting. In my book, intersting means you don't know how to describe a person. Or you're too kind to be honest. Or you simply do not want to create enemies by being...damaging.
Showing posts with label self-management. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-management. Show all posts
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
DO YOU NEED A CHANGE OIL?
The Story of Oak and Oil
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published February 29, 2008
As you know, I talk a lot about change. As a matter of fact, I often tell people in jest that I’m really a “changeologist.” I think I may have coined that term, and it really suites me well. The concept of change was recently brought to my attention in a rather interesting way. Here’s what happened: I decided to clean my office desk the other day. I have a beautiful oak desk that I’ve had for a long time, and occasionally, I give it a good cleaning with some oil in order to bring out the beautiful grain. The inspiration for this column presented itself to me as I was wiping the oil-soaked rag across the wood. As anyone who has ever done this task knows, the change is immediate and the difference is like night and day. Not unlike running a coat of dark new paint over an old, faded wall, the visual effect was dramatic and instant. I thought, If only I could invent an oil that would do this for lifestyle change. You would wipe it on your body and voila… instant weight loss and healthy lifestyle change!
Of course, there is no fantastic oil for lifestyle change. If you want to create a leaner body and a healthier life, it’s going to take longer than an hour and more than a simple liquid. But I do believe we all have that special something in our lives that can motivate us to achieve incredible accomplishments. The key is to find out what oil works for you, if you follow the analogy. Because, in truth, my little story of oak and oil is really a metaphor for creating change in your life. So, my challenge for you today is to begin searching for the oil that will transform your oak. Find that special something that motivates you to create change in your life, and you will also see the dramatic results that change brings with it.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
What happens to your car when you don't change the oil. That's what's going to happen to you when you stubbornly declare you don't need any oil because you don't need to change.
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published February 29, 2008
As you know, I talk a lot about change. As a matter of fact, I often tell people in jest that I’m really a “changeologist.” I think I may have coined that term, and it really suites me well. The concept of change was recently brought to my attention in a rather interesting way. Here’s what happened: I decided to clean my office desk the other day. I have a beautiful oak desk that I’ve had for a long time, and occasionally, I give it a good cleaning with some oil in order to bring out the beautiful grain. The inspiration for this column presented itself to me as I was wiping the oil-soaked rag across the wood. As anyone who has ever done this task knows, the change is immediate and the difference is like night and day. Not unlike running a coat of dark new paint over an old, faded wall, the visual effect was dramatic and instant. I thought, If only I could invent an oil that would do this for lifestyle change. You would wipe it on your body and voila… instant weight loss and healthy lifestyle change!
Of course, there is no fantastic oil for lifestyle change. If you want to create a leaner body and a healthier life, it’s going to take longer than an hour and more than a simple liquid. But I do believe we all have that special something in our lives that can motivate us to achieve incredible accomplishments. The key is to find out what oil works for you, if you follow the analogy. Because, in truth, my little story of oak and oil is really a metaphor for creating change in your life. So, my challenge for you today is to begin searching for the oil that will transform your oak. Find that special something that motivates you to create change in your life, and you will also see the dramatic results that change brings with it.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
What happens to your car when you don't change the oil. That's what's going to happen to you when you stubbornly declare you don't need any oil because you don't need to change.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
WHAT KILLS CREATIVITY
8 Habits That Are Killing Your Creativity
By Jessica Stillman | October 5, 2010
www.bnet.com
If you’re looking to be more creative at work, there are plenty of tips available. BNET bloggers have suggested everything from moving to another country to boost creativity to seven habits to be more innovative. But the blog Copyblogger recently took the opposite tack, suggesting eight habits to avoid, lest you stifle out-of-the-box thinking. They’re pitched primarily at copywriters (as the blog title suggests) but can help anyone who wants to generate more fresh ideas. Here’s what to steer clear of:
* Creating and evaluating at the same time. You can’t drive a car in first gear and reverse at the same time. Likewise, you shouldn’t try to use different types of thinking simultaneously. You’ll strip your mental gears. Most people evaluate too soon and too often, and therefore create less. In order to create more and better ideas, you must separate creation from evaluation, coming up with lots of ideas first, then judging their worth later.
* The Expert Syndrome. This is a big problem in any field where there are lots of gurus who tell you their secrets of success. It’s wise to listen, but unwise to follow without question. Some of the most successful people in the world did what others told them would never work.
* Fear of failure. No one wants to make mistakes or fail. But if you try too hard to avoid failure, you’ll also avoid success. To increase your success rate, you should aim to make more mistakes.
* Fear of ambiguity. Most people like things to make sense. Unfortunately, life is not neat and tidy; great creative ideas emerge from a swirl of chaos. You must develop a part of yourself that is comfortable with mess and confusion. You should become comfortable with things that work even when you don’t understand why.
* Lack of confidence. A certain level of uncertainty accompanies every creative act. A small measure of self-doubt is healthy. However, you must have confidence in your abilities in order to create and carry out effective solutions to problems. Much of this comes from experience, but confidence also comes from familiarity with how creativity works. When you understand that ideas often seem crazy at first, that failure is just a learning experience, and that nothing is impossible, you are on your way to becoming more confident and more creative.
* Discouragement from other people. Even if you have a wide-open mind and the ability to see what’s possible, most people around you will not. They will tell you in various and often subtle ways to conform, be sensible, and not rock the boat. Ignore them.
* Being overwhelmed by information. It’s called “analysis paralysis,” the condition of spending so much time thinking about a problem and cramming your brain with so much information that you lose the ability to act. It’s been said that information is to the brain what food is to the body. True enough. But just as you can overeat, you can also overthink.
* Being trapped by false limits. Ask a writer for a great idea, and you’ll get a solution that involves words. Ask a designer for a great idea, and you’ll get a solution that involves visuals. We’re all a product of our experience. But the limitations we have are self-imposed. Only when you force yourself to look past what you know and feel comfortable with, can you come up with the breakthrough ideas you’re looking for.
MY THOUGHTS
Even when you're into something you love doing, there are times when creativity seems to have flown out the window. How much more difficult could it be when you're doing something you do not like doing?
By Jessica Stillman | October 5, 2010
www.bnet.com
If you’re looking to be more creative at work, there are plenty of tips available. BNET bloggers have suggested everything from moving to another country to boost creativity to seven habits to be more innovative. But the blog Copyblogger recently took the opposite tack, suggesting eight habits to avoid, lest you stifle out-of-the-box thinking. They’re pitched primarily at copywriters (as the blog title suggests) but can help anyone who wants to generate more fresh ideas. Here’s what to steer clear of:
* Creating and evaluating at the same time. You can’t drive a car in first gear and reverse at the same time. Likewise, you shouldn’t try to use different types of thinking simultaneously. You’ll strip your mental gears. Most people evaluate too soon and too often, and therefore create less. In order to create more and better ideas, you must separate creation from evaluation, coming up with lots of ideas first, then judging their worth later.
* The Expert Syndrome. This is a big problem in any field where there are lots of gurus who tell you their secrets of success. It’s wise to listen, but unwise to follow without question. Some of the most successful people in the world did what others told them would never work.
* Fear of failure. No one wants to make mistakes or fail. But if you try too hard to avoid failure, you’ll also avoid success. To increase your success rate, you should aim to make more mistakes.
* Fear of ambiguity. Most people like things to make sense. Unfortunately, life is not neat and tidy; great creative ideas emerge from a swirl of chaos. You must develop a part of yourself that is comfortable with mess and confusion. You should become comfortable with things that work even when you don’t understand why.
* Lack of confidence. A certain level of uncertainty accompanies every creative act. A small measure of self-doubt is healthy. However, you must have confidence in your abilities in order to create and carry out effective solutions to problems. Much of this comes from experience, but confidence also comes from familiarity with how creativity works. When you understand that ideas often seem crazy at first, that failure is just a learning experience, and that nothing is impossible, you are on your way to becoming more confident and more creative.
* Discouragement from other people. Even if you have a wide-open mind and the ability to see what’s possible, most people around you will not. They will tell you in various and often subtle ways to conform, be sensible, and not rock the boat. Ignore them.
* Being overwhelmed by information. It’s called “analysis paralysis,” the condition of spending so much time thinking about a problem and cramming your brain with so much information that you lose the ability to act. It’s been said that information is to the brain what food is to the body. True enough. But just as you can overeat, you can also overthink.
* Being trapped by false limits. Ask a writer for a great idea, and you’ll get a solution that involves words. Ask a designer for a great idea, and you’ll get a solution that involves visuals. We’re all a product of our experience. But the limitations we have are self-imposed. Only when you force yourself to look past what you know and feel comfortable with, can you come up with the breakthrough ideas you’re looking for.
MY THOUGHTS
Even when you're into something you love doing, there are times when creativity seems to have flown out the window. How much more difficult could it be when you're doing something you do not like doing?
FIND YOUR PURPOSE
How to Open Yourself to Your Life's Purpose
O, The Oprah Magazine | October 02, 2009
In A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle writes that to awaken to your life's purpose, you have be ready for a change in the state of your consciousness. But how do you know when that time comes? And where can you even begin?
The one big question most of us ask ourselves is "What should I do with my life?" For most people, it's very difficult to answer. Use these simple suggestions from people who have successfully answered this question and are now living the lives of their dreams. Be inspired to pursue your dreams and discover the impact you are meant to have on the world!
1. Listen to your inner voice. It takes practice to hear your true desires. Your passion will often come as a whisper or serendipitous event that reminds you of what's important and what makes you happy.
This is similar to what is meant by trusting your gut or listening to your intuition.Award-winning actress Sissy Spacek has attributed her success to an experience she had as a young girl, attending a student performance at a neighboring school. Upon seeing a group of girls dancing on the stage, twirling batons and marching in line, Sissy thought to herself, "I could do that."
"Everyone has an inner voice; you just have to listen to it and trust it in order to be led by it," Sissy says. "I did that, and it gave me the ability to live a life that's true to who I am and what I really wanted."
Can you recognize what makes you happy?
2. Recognize crisis. Does your job feel like a grind? Are you spending your free time on something you love? Take an opportunity to appraise your happiness. One of the keys to living a purposeful life is recognizing when you are unfulfilled.
Debrena Jackson Gandy, an author and success coach, recommends women ask themselves one question: What brings you joy? Often, participants at her lectures are unable to find the answer because the joy has been displaced by work, family and day-to-day demands. Debrena recommends that people set aside a half hour to write out at least three things that have brought them joy, and be specific. After a few days, she challenges people to ask themselves what is keeping them from joy and to identify ways to invest in that happiness and make small but immediate changes.
3. Dwell in possibilities. Your passions could lead you in a lot of different directions to find fulfillment. Explore your life and unearth of the things that bring you joy.
To begin, life coach Cheryl Richardson advises you to take better care of yourself. Cheryl suggests nurturing your body and mind with exercise, meditation and eating well. Next, be conscious when something excites you or frustrates you. For example, if you read a story in the newspaper that inspires you, take note of it! That story might lead you to your passion.
Cheryl recommends answering a series of questions:
* What interest, passion or desire are you most afraid of admitting to yourself and others?
* What do you love about yourself?
* Who do you know that's doing something you'd like to do? Describe yourself doing it.
* How could you make the world a better place for yourself and others?
* What's stopping you from moving forward with exploring your passion?
Trust yourself to make the right decisions
4. Tune out the voice of the world. Make the strongest voice in your life your own. Finding your purpose could mean going against the advice of close friends and family. Take a leap of faith and trust in your dreams.
Martha Beck calls this the "trust-o-meter," the voice inside of you that has been with you since you were born but is programmed by outside influences. If your own trust-o-meter isn't working as it should, Martha advises taking The Trust Test to check if you trust the voice inside you.
5. Decide what kind of person you want to be. Rather than concentrating on what you want to do, think in terms of what kind of person you want to be. Let that guide your choices.
"Life isn't just about what you can have; it's about what you have to give," Oprah says. "What kind of person do you want to be?"
Living with integrity is a good start. Cheryl Richardson suggests making an Absolute Integrity List, which includes making three promises to yourself to restore your integrity. Next, construct your own vision statement to clarify what's most important to you and the person you most want to become. The third step is to ask yourself in which aspects of your life you could be more truthful.
Find a profession you love!
6. Bring your heart to your work. It takes passion and courage to find a profession that you love. Spending the time to discover that job is time well spent—it could make all the difference in your life!
If you don't think you're in the job you were born to do, there's no time like the present. Read eight true stories from women who switched careers midstream and found their wildest dreams realized. Plus, Tamara Monosoff, author of Secrets of Millionaire Moms, shares three, one-page business plans to help bring your big ideas to life.
Even if you're stymied about where to start, there's still hope! Master career consultant Marcus Buckingham has created a printable worksheet for you to use to identify your strengths PDF and help you find meaning in your work.
7. Trust transformation. Hard times are a natural part of life. Don't be afraid to change because of your experiences. Instead, let them shape and steer your course.
Hardship goes hand in hand with tough times. Instead of ignoring difficult times, embrace them. Poet Nikki Giovanni tells the story of having been pulled over by a state trooper after having gotten herself and a friend lost on the drive to Princeton, New Jersey. She was certain she would be ticketed, but the trooper instead gave her directions and sent the two women on their way. "I realized that when the trooper looked into the car, he didn't see what we thought he saw—two hip, young women going someplace," Nikki says. "He saw his grandmother. It was a depressing moment."
Nikki says that too many people resist change, which never lets them enjoy who they are.
"Embrace the change, no matter what it is; once you do, you can learn about the new world you're in and take advantage of it," she says. "You still bring to bear all your prior experience, but you're riding on another level. It's completely liberating."
Live without regret
8. Have no regrets. According to the experts, it's easy to regret the time you've spent being unhappy or unfulfilled. Realize that during that time you developed the skills you need to succeed!
Martha Beck has six steps you can take to live without regret. They include letting go, learning to compartmentalize certain feelings and reclaiming your dreams. As important as these steps are, Martha suggests thinking of regret as a tool, rather than an uncomfortable reminder of past mistakes.
"If you've grieved your losses, reclaimed your dreams and articulated your anger, regret will have made you the right kind of tough-and-tender: dauntless of spirit, soft of heart, convinced by experience that nothing based on fear—but everything based on love—is worth doing," she says. "Living this way doesn't guarantee an easy life; in fact, it will probably take you on a wondrously wild ride. But I promise, you won't regret it."
9. Take the first step. Destiny can't help you until you are willing to step out of your comfort zone. Get prepared to make changes in your life...and start making them!
It takes courage to even think about changing your life, much less to put that plan into action. Dr. Robert Holden has dedicated his life to studying the pursuit of happiness. He says most people struggle to overcome "destination addiction," which he defines as not living in the moment.
Try taking Dr. Holden's Happiness Test for suggestions on where to make the first step in your life.
Exercise patience
10. Be patient. Finding your life's purpose won't happen overnight. In every life, there's a fast road and a slow road. Most of us take the slow road! Keep your commitment and take small steps to make it happen.
Writer Amy Gross offers four ways to become a more pateint person:
1. First thing: Just stop. Catch the mind ranting that you shouldn't be in this situation&8212;because you are. Give up the fight. You've lost the battle, but not the war.
2. Settle into the moment. You might feel your body ease down, yielding to gravity (wise move). Your shoulders and belly relax, your jaw too.
3. Go into your body with your mind's eye and find our how you know you're impatient. Are you tight, tense, breathing shallowly, clenching, jiggling? Where exactly? Focus on those sensations as closely as you can. Touch them with your mind.
4. See if you can open any tightness, breathe into any clenching. With a really ornery knot, give up trying to fix it and see if you can welcome it, make room for it.
Buddhist nun Pema Chódrón talks to Oprah about dealing with difficult feelings and living in them moment
MY THOUGHTS
Be quiet. Spend some time alone. You cannot hear your inner voice when there are too many things going on.
O, The Oprah Magazine | October 02, 2009
In A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle writes that to awaken to your life's purpose, you have be ready for a change in the state of your consciousness. But how do you know when that time comes? And where can you even begin?
The one big question most of us ask ourselves is "What should I do with my life?" For most people, it's very difficult to answer. Use these simple suggestions from people who have successfully answered this question and are now living the lives of their dreams. Be inspired to pursue your dreams and discover the impact you are meant to have on the world!
1. Listen to your inner voice. It takes practice to hear your true desires. Your passion will often come as a whisper or serendipitous event that reminds you of what's important and what makes you happy.
This is similar to what is meant by trusting your gut or listening to your intuition.Award-winning actress Sissy Spacek has attributed her success to an experience she had as a young girl, attending a student performance at a neighboring school. Upon seeing a group of girls dancing on the stage, twirling batons and marching in line, Sissy thought to herself, "I could do that."
"Everyone has an inner voice; you just have to listen to it and trust it in order to be led by it," Sissy says. "I did that, and it gave me the ability to live a life that's true to who I am and what I really wanted."
Can you recognize what makes you happy?
2. Recognize crisis. Does your job feel like a grind? Are you spending your free time on something you love? Take an opportunity to appraise your happiness. One of the keys to living a purposeful life is recognizing when you are unfulfilled.
Debrena Jackson Gandy, an author and success coach, recommends women ask themselves one question: What brings you joy? Often, participants at her lectures are unable to find the answer because the joy has been displaced by work, family and day-to-day demands. Debrena recommends that people set aside a half hour to write out at least three things that have brought them joy, and be specific. After a few days, she challenges people to ask themselves what is keeping them from joy and to identify ways to invest in that happiness and make small but immediate changes.
3. Dwell in possibilities. Your passions could lead you in a lot of different directions to find fulfillment. Explore your life and unearth of the things that bring you joy.
To begin, life coach Cheryl Richardson advises you to take better care of yourself. Cheryl suggests nurturing your body and mind with exercise, meditation and eating well. Next, be conscious when something excites you or frustrates you. For example, if you read a story in the newspaper that inspires you, take note of it! That story might lead you to your passion.
Cheryl recommends answering a series of questions:
* What interest, passion or desire are you most afraid of admitting to yourself and others?
* What do you love about yourself?
* Who do you know that's doing something you'd like to do? Describe yourself doing it.
* How could you make the world a better place for yourself and others?
* What's stopping you from moving forward with exploring your passion?
Trust yourself to make the right decisions
4. Tune out the voice of the world. Make the strongest voice in your life your own. Finding your purpose could mean going against the advice of close friends and family. Take a leap of faith and trust in your dreams.
Martha Beck calls this the "trust-o-meter," the voice inside of you that has been with you since you were born but is programmed by outside influences. If your own trust-o-meter isn't working as it should, Martha advises taking The Trust Test to check if you trust the voice inside you.
5. Decide what kind of person you want to be. Rather than concentrating on what you want to do, think in terms of what kind of person you want to be. Let that guide your choices.
"Life isn't just about what you can have; it's about what you have to give," Oprah says. "What kind of person do you want to be?"
Living with integrity is a good start. Cheryl Richardson suggests making an Absolute Integrity List, which includes making three promises to yourself to restore your integrity. Next, construct your own vision statement to clarify what's most important to you and the person you most want to become. The third step is to ask yourself in which aspects of your life you could be more truthful.
Find a profession you love!
6. Bring your heart to your work. It takes passion and courage to find a profession that you love. Spending the time to discover that job is time well spent—it could make all the difference in your life!
If you don't think you're in the job you were born to do, there's no time like the present. Read eight true stories from women who switched careers midstream and found their wildest dreams realized. Plus, Tamara Monosoff, author of Secrets of Millionaire Moms, shares three, one-page business plans to help bring your big ideas to life.
Even if you're stymied about where to start, there's still hope! Master career consultant Marcus Buckingham has created a printable worksheet for you to use to identify your strengths PDF and help you find meaning in your work.
7. Trust transformation. Hard times are a natural part of life. Don't be afraid to change because of your experiences. Instead, let them shape and steer your course.
Hardship goes hand in hand with tough times. Instead of ignoring difficult times, embrace them. Poet Nikki Giovanni tells the story of having been pulled over by a state trooper after having gotten herself and a friend lost on the drive to Princeton, New Jersey. She was certain she would be ticketed, but the trooper instead gave her directions and sent the two women on their way. "I realized that when the trooper looked into the car, he didn't see what we thought he saw—two hip, young women going someplace," Nikki says. "He saw his grandmother. It was a depressing moment."
Nikki says that too many people resist change, which never lets them enjoy who they are.
"Embrace the change, no matter what it is; once you do, you can learn about the new world you're in and take advantage of it," she says. "You still bring to bear all your prior experience, but you're riding on another level. It's completely liberating."
Live without regret
8. Have no regrets. According to the experts, it's easy to regret the time you've spent being unhappy or unfulfilled. Realize that during that time you developed the skills you need to succeed!
Martha Beck has six steps you can take to live without regret. They include letting go, learning to compartmentalize certain feelings and reclaiming your dreams. As important as these steps are, Martha suggests thinking of regret as a tool, rather than an uncomfortable reminder of past mistakes.
"If you've grieved your losses, reclaimed your dreams and articulated your anger, regret will have made you the right kind of tough-and-tender: dauntless of spirit, soft of heart, convinced by experience that nothing based on fear—but everything based on love—is worth doing," she says. "Living this way doesn't guarantee an easy life; in fact, it will probably take you on a wondrously wild ride. But I promise, you won't regret it."
9. Take the first step. Destiny can't help you until you are willing to step out of your comfort zone. Get prepared to make changes in your life...and start making them!
It takes courage to even think about changing your life, much less to put that plan into action. Dr. Robert Holden has dedicated his life to studying the pursuit of happiness. He says most people struggle to overcome "destination addiction," which he defines as not living in the moment.
Try taking Dr. Holden's Happiness Test for suggestions on where to make the first step in your life.
Exercise patience
10. Be patient. Finding your life's purpose won't happen overnight. In every life, there's a fast road and a slow road. Most of us take the slow road! Keep your commitment and take small steps to make it happen.
Writer Amy Gross offers four ways to become a more pateint person:
1. First thing: Just stop. Catch the mind ranting that you shouldn't be in this situation&8212;because you are. Give up the fight. You've lost the battle, but not the war.
2. Settle into the moment. You might feel your body ease down, yielding to gravity (wise move). Your shoulders and belly relax, your jaw too.
3. Go into your body with your mind's eye and find our how you know you're impatient. Are you tight, tense, breathing shallowly, clenching, jiggling? Where exactly? Focus on those sensations as closely as you can. Touch them with your mind.
4. See if you can open any tightness, breathe into any clenching. With a really ornery knot, give up trying to fix it and see if you can welcome it, make room for it.
Buddhist nun Pema Chódrón talks to Oprah about dealing with difficult feelings and living in them moment
MY THOUGHTS
Be quiet. Spend some time alone. You cannot hear your inner voice when there are too many things going on.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
DEALING WITH CHANGE
How Do You Adapt to Change?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published March 18, 2011
The English naturalist Charles Darwin is famous for his theory of evolution called natural selection. Today, I simply want to use one of his quotes to make an important point about finding peace of mind, personal happiness and overall life contentment. It goes as follows: “It’s not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives, it’s the one that is most adaptable to change.” Since change is a constant occurrence in the world, learning to accept, manage and direct it is paramount to dealing with life’s inevitable twists and turns.
Some of you may be smack dab in the middle of one of these emotional and life-altering changes right now. Most people have a natural tendency to fight change tooth and nail; others tend to hunker down and ride out the storm; and some tend to grab the bull by the horns and make the change work for them. So today’s Reflection simply asks you to consider these three modes of reacting to change and see which one best describes your typical response. At the end of the day, you can’t stop change from occurring in your life, but you can definitely get better at dealing with it!
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
I think the way we deal with change depends on what's going to change. It's hardest to change when everything's A-okay and you don't see the need for it.
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published March 18, 2011
The English naturalist Charles Darwin is famous for his theory of evolution called natural selection. Today, I simply want to use one of his quotes to make an important point about finding peace of mind, personal happiness and overall life contentment. It goes as follows: “It’s not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives, it’s the one that is most adaptable to change.” Since change is a constant occurrence in the world, learning to accept, manage and direct it is paramount to dealing with life’s inevitable twists and turns.
Some of you may be smack dab in the middle of one of these emotional and life-altering changes right now. Most people have a natural tendency to fight change tooth and nail; others tend to hunker down and ride out the storm; and some tend to grab the bull by the horns and make the change work for them. So today’s Reflection simply asks you to consider these three modes of reacting to change and see which one best describes your typical response. At the end of the day, you can’t stop change from occurring in your life, but you can definitely get better at dealing with it!
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
I think the way we deal with change depends on what's going to change. It's hardest to change when everything's A-okay and you don't see the need for it.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
DON'T LET OTHERS STEAL YOUR PASSION
DON'T LET OTHERS STEAL YOUR PASSION
How to Find Your Passion
2. Forbidden
By Martha Beck
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the September 2003 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
Often stuck people have learned through experience, example, or explicit instruction that passion is bad. You may feel stuck if your fundamentalist parents railed against sin or if your suave intellectual friends mock anyone who seems enthusiastic. We'll do almost anything to avoid shame or. To see whether you have been disimpassioned by social judgment, complete the following sentences with whatever comes to mind.
If I didn't care what anyone thought, I would.....
If I knew my parents would never find out, I'd.....
If I could be sure I'd do it right, I would.....
If you thought of things you've never actually done, things that make you giggle with embarrassment, you're probably forbidding yourself to follow your passion. You've learned to expect negative judgments, so (consciously or unconsciously) you avoid intense feeling and anything that causes it.
The tragic thing is that many people never realize there are places where they can swim with confidence. It's true that some social environments are vicious, but others are warm, accepting, loving. Think of the things that you'd do if they weren't forbidden. If they don't violate your own moral code, start doing them—without telling the people who would judge you.
You'd think this would be obvious, but it isn't. I've watched incredulously as dozens of clients who are just getting unstuck seek support from the very people who got them stuck in the first place. They confide in their militantly atheistic friends about their call to the ministry, or tell their pessimistic, puritanical mother that they want to dance, dance, dance! Don't make this mistake. You know what sharks look like, and the places they lurk. Avoid them. Instead share your passion with folks who are likely to support you. In doing so, you'll add social approval to the inherent joy of following your passions—and it will feel fabulous.
MY THOUGHTS
If you grew up in a culture where everyone and everything is 'judged', you'll learn not to care what people think or say. You go about your way with a passion that judgmental people will probably never understand. Who cares? For as long as you are not hurting anyone, go about your passion with passion.
How to Find Your Passion
2. Forbidden
By Martha Beck
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the September 2003 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
Often stuck people have learned through experience, example, or explicit instruction that passion is bad. You may feel stuck if your fundamentalist parents railed against sin or if your suave intellectual friends mock anyone who seems enthusiastic. We'll do almost anything to avoid shame or. To see whether you have been disimpassioned by social judgment, complete the following sentences with whatever comes to mind.
If I didn't care what anyone thought, I would.....
If I knew my parents would never find out, I'd.....
If I could be sure I'd do it right, I would.....
If you thought of things you've never actually done, things that make you giggle with embarrassment, you're probably forbidding yourself to follow your passion. You've learned to expect negative judgments, so (consciously or unconsciously) you avoid intense feeling and anything that causes it.
The tragic thing is that many people never realize there are places where they can swim with confidence. It's true that some social environments are vicious, but others are warm, accepting, loving. Think of the things that you'd do if they weren't forbidden. If they don't violate your own moral code, start doing them—without telling the people who would judge you.
You'd think this would be obvious, but it isn't. I've watched incredulously as dozens of clients who are just getting unstuck seek support from the very people who got them stuck in the first place. They confide in their militantly atheistic friends about their call to the ministry, or tell their pessimistic, puritanical mother that they want to dance, dance, dance! Don't make this mistake. You know what sharks look like, and the places they lurk. Avoid them. Instead share your passion with folks who are likely to support you. In doing so, you'll add social approval to the inherent joy of following your passions—and it will feel fabulous.
MY THOUGHTS
If you grew up in a culture where everyone and everything is 'judged', you'll learn not to care what people think or say. You go about your way with a passion that judgmental people will probably never understand. Who cares? For as long as you are not hurting anyone, go about your passion with passion.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
HOW TO FIND YOUR PASSION
How to Find Your Passion
1. Fatigue
By Martha Beck
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the September 2003 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
If your inner life is so blah that you don't enjoy anything, or if you know what you love but find yourself stuck in Yeah-but excuses, ask yourself, "How old do I feel?" If the answer is "Really, really old," you're probably too tired to embark on the sea of passion. Fatigue can cause an absence of physical desire (an exhausted body isn't programmed to win races or make babies), a loss of mental acuity, and/or a flat emotional profile.
At times, this may reach the level of depression. One day a client oozed into my office, slumped into a chair, and said she was depressed—only she said it so slowly that I thought she said "deep rest." In a way, this was accurate. Depression can be part of a general shutdown, meant to turn us toward healing. A tired body, a tired mind, a tired heart can't—and shouldn't—be passionate about anything but rest. So if you're exhausted, care for yourself. Curl up with the cat and watch TV, sleep, read, sleep some more. Eventually, you'll wake up feeling like it's time to go for a swim. One important caveat: If you aren't feeling refreshed after a couple of weeks' rest, it's time to see a doctor. You may have a condition, such as a chemical imbalance, that can be alleviated only through professional care.
MY THOUGHTS
That's right! If after 2 weeks of complete rest you're still not up to doing anything else but curl up in bed, you're not depressed. You're a living...dead.
1. Fatigue
By Martha Beck
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the September 2003 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
If your inner life is so blah that you don't enjoy anything, or if you know what you love but find yourself stuck in Yeah-but excuses, ask yourself, "How old do I feel?" If the answer is "Really, really old," you're probably too tired to embark on the sea of passion. Fatigue can cause an absence of physical desire (an exhausted body isn't programmed to win races or make babies), a loss of mental acuity, and/or a flat emotional profile.
At times, this may reach the level of depression. One day a client oozed into my office, slumped into a chair, and said she was depressed—only she said it so slowly that I thought she said "deep rest." In a way, this was accurate. Depression can be part of a general shutdown, meant to turn us toward healing. A tired body, a tired mind, a tired heart can't—and shouldn't—be passionate about anything but rest. So if you're exhausted, care for yourself. Curl up with the cat and watch TV, sleep, read, sleep some more. Eventually, you'll wake up feeling like it's time to go for a swim. One important caveat: If you aren't feeling refreshed after a couple of weeks' rest, it's time to see a doctor. You may have a condition, such as a chemical imbalance, that can be alleviated only through professional care.
MY THOUGHTS
That's right! If after 2 weeks of complete rest you're still not up to doing anything else but curl up in bed, you're not depressed. You're a living...dead.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
FIND YOUR PURPOSE TO MOTIVATE YOU
FIND YOUR PURPOSE TO MOTIVATE YOU
from the article 'How to Tap into What Really Motivates You'
By Daniel H. Pink
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the January 2010 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
Find Your Sentence
Seeking purpose is part of how we're wired—by doing something that endures, we prove that we were here, that we mattered. Clare Boothe Luce once told John F. Kennedy, "A great man is one sentence. Abraham Lincoln's was 'He preserved the Union and freed the slaves.' What's yours?" If you can't seem to access your purpose in life, I've found the best place to start is with Luce's question.
This story is part of O's Live Your Best Year Toolkit
MY THOUGHTS
that's certainly something to reflect on. much like an epitaph. but we need to die before we know what we're here on earth for. time to ask simple questions like - why do you get up in the morning? what for?
from the article 'How to Tap into What Really Motivates You'
By Daniel H. Pink
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the January 2010 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
Find Your Sentence
Seeking purpose is part of how we're wired—by doing something that endures, we prove that we were here, that we mattered. Clare Boothe Luce once told John F. Kennedy, "A great man is one sentence. Abraham Lincoln's was 'He preserved the Union and freed the slaves.' What's yours?" If you can't seem to access your purpose in life, I've found the best place to start is with Luce's question.
This story is part of O's Live Your Best Year Toolkit
MY THOUGHTS
that's certainly something to reflect on. much like an epitaph. but we need to die before we know what we're here on earth for. time to ask simple questions like - why do you get up in the morning? what for?
Saturday, February 12, 2011
YOUR PRECIOUS TIME
Precious Time
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published February 07, 2011
Time is probably the most precious thing we have on earth. You can make a good argument for many other valued intangibles in life, but without time, nothing can be accomplished. This is why it pains me to see people waste this gift that we all receive at birth.
One of my favorite thoughts about time comes from Albert Einstein, who proposed an interesting concept called the “space-time illusion.” This illusion comes from two different types of time that Einstein identified as linear time and subjective time.
Linear time can be objectively measured. A clock, for example, is an excellent illustration of linear time: A minute is a minute no matter where you are or what you’re doing. Subjective time, on the other hand, doesn’t lend itself to objective measurement. It’s totally dependent on the experience and state of mind of each individual observer.
In explaining the difference between the two, Einstein said, “Spending a minute sitting on a hot stove seems like an hour, while spending an hour with a beautiful girl seems like a minute.” What he means is that your perception of the passage of time depends on each situation you find yourself in.
All this talk about time leaves me with the following two questions: How do you spend most of your precious time? Is it spent wisely or wasted thoughtlessly? Only time will tell!
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
i like this.like this very much.i like the idea of subjective time. moments most precious to me have actually been the shortest.
www.innerdiet.com
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published February 07, 2011
Time is probably the most precious thing we have on earth. You can make a good argument for many other valued intangibles in life, but without time, nothing can be accomplished. This is why it pains me to see people waste this gift that we all receive at birth.
One of my favorite thoughts about time comes from Albert Einstein, who proposed an interesting concept called the “space-time illusion.” This illusion comes from two different types of time that Einstein identified as linear time and subjective time.
Linear time can be objectively measured. A clock, for example, is an excellent illustration of linear time: A minute is a minute no matter where you are or what you’re doing. Subjective time, on the other hand, doesn’t lend itself to objective measurement. It’s totally dependent on the experience and state of mind of each individual observer.
In explaining the difference between the two, Einstein said, “Spending a minute sitting on a hot stove seems like an hour, while spending an hour with a beautiful girl seems like a minute.” What he means is that your perception of the passage of time depends on each situation you find yourself in.
All this talk about time leaves me with the following two questions: How do you spend most of your precious time? Is it spent wisely or wasted thoughtlessly? Only time will tell!
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
i like this.like this very much.i like the idea of subjective time. moments most precious to me have actually been the shortest.
www.innerdiet.com
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Weakness or Greatest Strength?
Weakness or Greatest Strength?
Sometimes your biggest weakness can become your greatest strength. Take, for example, the story of one 10-year-old boy who decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident.
The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn't understand why, after three months of training the master had taught him only one move.
"Sensei," the boy finally said, "Shouldn't I be learning more moves?"
"This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know," the sensei replied. Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.
Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament. Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.
This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened.
"No," the sensei insisted, "Let him continue."
Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament. He was the champion.
On the way home, the boy and sensei reviewed every move in each and every match. Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.
"Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?"
"You won for two reasons," the sensei answered. "First, you've almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo. And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grasp your left arm."
The boy's biggest weakness had become his biggest strength.
Affirmation for the Week:
"I will look for and see my weaknesses, but as I hold them in my mind's eye, I will see them for what they truly are - my greatest strengths."
Have a transforming week!
Mary Rau-Foster
MY THOUGHTS
"jack of all trades master of none"? well, this article says it is best to focus.yes, focus. sometimes we become too eager to try and learn so many things (or maybe required?). then end up being good at all of them but never the best at anything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary's book "Motivating Moments" makes a great gift for you, your family and your friends. This 211 page book, with illustrations, is a guaranteed morale booster, as well as thought provoking and inspirational. To learn more and to order online, visit www.motivatingmomentsbook.com or www.workplaceissues.com/motivatingmomentsbook.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you like the Monday Motivating Moment (MMM), please feel free to forward this email to one or two of your friends and business associates. Thanks so much! If someone forwarded this email to you, you can sign-up for your own free weekly copy at www.workplaceissues.com/mmmotivator.htm
Also, many people post MMM on their bulletin board to share with others. Our website includes an Adobe Acrobat file with a clean, printable version of the Monday Motivating Moment suitable for posting. Go to www.workplaceissues.com/mmmarchives.htm to download your copy.
To view previous issues of the Monday Motivating Moment, see www.workplaceissues.com/mmmarchives.htm
---------------------------------
Copyright 2010 by Mary Rau-Foster. All rights reserved. However, if you find this information helpful, we grant you permission, and strongly encourage you, to print this page and put it on your bulletin board. Thank you.
---------------------------------
If someone forwarded this issue of Monday Motivating Moment to you, why don't you get your own copy by signing up at www.workplaceissues.com/mmmotivator.htm
Sometimes your biggest weakness can become your greatest strength. Take, for example, the story of one 10-year-old boy who decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident.
The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn't understand why, after three months of training the master had taught him only one move.
"Sensei," the boy finally said, "Shouldn't I be learning more moves?"
"This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know," the sensei replied. Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.
Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament. Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.
This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened.
"No," the sensei insisted, "Let him continue."
Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament. He was the champion.
On the way home, the boy and sensei reviewed every move in each and every match. Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.
"Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?"
"You won for two reasons," the sensei answered. "First, you've almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo. And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grasp your left arm."
The boy's biggest weakness had become his biggest strength.
Affirmation for the Week:
"I will look for and see my weaknesses, but as I hold them in my mind's eye, I will see them for what they truly are - my greatest strengths."
Have a transforming week!
Mary Rau-Foster
MY THOUGHTS
"jack of all trades master of none"? well, this article says it is best to focus.yes, focus. sometimes we become too eager to try and learn so many things (or maybe required?). then end up being good at all of them but never the best at anything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary's book "Motivating Moments" makes a great gift for you, your family and your friends. This 211 page book, with illustrations, is a guaranteed morale booster, as well as thought provoking and inspirational. To learn more and to order online, visit www.motivatingmomentsbook.com or www.workplaceissues.com/motivatingmomentsbook.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you like the Monday Motivating Moment (MMM), please feel free to forward this email to one or two of your friends and business associates. Thanks so much! If someone forwarded this email to you, you can sign-up for your own free weekly copy at www.workplaceissues.com/mmmotivator.htm
Also, many people post MMM on their bulletin board to share with others. Our website includes an Adobe Acrobat file with a clean, printable version of the Monday Motivating Moment suitable for posting. Go to www.workplaceissues.com/mmmarchives.htm to download your copy.
To view previous issues of the Monday Motivating Moment, see www.workplaceissues.com/mmmarchives.htm
---------------------------------
Copyright 2010 by Mary Rau-Foster. All rights reserved. However, if you find this information helpful, we grant you permission, and strongly encourage you, to print this page and put it on your bulletin board. Thank you.
---------------------------------
If someone forwarded this issue of Monday Motivating Moment to you, why don't you get your own copy by signing up at www.workplaceissues.com/mmmotivator.htm
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Learning from our Failures
A Lesson Learned
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published December 27, 2010
I said something to a friend that seemed to jump out of my mouth without any conscious thought. He was telling me about his failure on a project he was working on, and said that he learned a lot in the process, but it turned out to be a big waste of his time. My response: “A lesson learned is never time wasted.”
That phrase is also applicable to you. Often, when people come up short of reaching their goal, they feel like a failure. In my opinion, nothing could be further from the truth, particularly if you’ve learned something important along the way. When you find yourself feeling disappointed or emotionally devastated because you didn’t reach a targeted goal, don’t just feel the pain and disappointment from it… learn from it! Failure is often the precursor of success, and as I told my friend, a lesson learned is never time wasted.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
that could be the hardest part about failing. sometimes we avoid the lessons. because learning means changing. it means going against your grain. it means doing something you've never done before. we don't want to learn because it's so much easier to be "just the way we are".
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published December 27, 2010
I said something to a friend that seemed to jump out of my mouth without any conscious thought. He was telling me about his failure on a project he was working on, and said that he learned a lot in the process, but it turned out to be a big waste of his time. My response: “A lesson learned is never time wasted.”
That phrase is also applicable to you. Often, when people come up short of reaching their goal, they feel like a failure. In my opinion, nothing could be further from the truth, particularly if you’ve learned something important along the way. When you find yourself feeling disappointed or emotionally devastated because you didn’t reach a targeted goal, don’t just feel the pain and disappointment from it… learn from it! Failure is often the precursor of success, and as I told my friend, a lesson learned is never time wasted.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
that could be the hardest part about failing. sometimes we avoid the lessons. because learning means changing. it means going against your grain. it means doing something you've never done before. we don't want to learn because it's so much easier to be "just the way we are".
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Time Management Isn't Just for Crises
Time Management Isn't Just for Crises
By Jessica Stillman | July 14, 2010
Time management is a lot like studying if a new post up Time Management Ninja is to be believed. Just like preparing for a test, there are two ways to approach time management. The first is the rough equivalent of cramming for the test. In this model you wait for obligations to pile up and then when panic starts to kick in you pull out all your best time management practices to cope with the onslaught. Like cramming, this tends not to work.
What works better? According to TMN, the answer is the same as it in the academic world — a steady pull. Rather than turning off and on your time management A-game to suit the circumstances, the blog suggests you have an always-on approach to managing your work and offers several reasons this approach works better.
The Steady Pull. An even steady pull is much easier to bear and allows you to be more productive. Starting and stopping your productivity efforts only creates more work for yourself.
Habits vs. Extra Effort. If you make time management part of your habits, the effort disappears and time management simply becomes part of your lifestyle. If you try to “turn it on” only once in a while, it becomes an extra effort that you must bear.
It is a Skill. Time management is a skill that you must hone just like any other. It takes practice and experience like other skills and activities. The more you do it, the better you will be at it.
Myth of the Crisis. People tend to think they only need time management in a jam. But, the truth is that you need it just as much when you are not in a crisis. It is proactive action that prevents the problems in the first place.
All of this advice makes plenty of sense, but I also see a flip side. Turning off for a weekend or the odd day here or there might not make logical sense if humans were machines, but we’re not (not most of us anyway). A nice stretch of slacking may not be good for your email inbox, but couldn’t it do wonders for your energy level and creativity when you’re burnt out and need a fresh perspective?
MY THOUGHTS
i'm a crammer. i seem to work best when under pressure. crises seem to come with the package when deadlines are far far off, it's difficult to get things done. however, this won't work when there are other people whose tasks are intertwined with mine. i need to plan and manage my time.
By Jessica Stillman | July 14, 2010
Time management is a lot like studying if a new post up Time Management Ninja is to be believed. Just like preparing for a test, there are two ways to approach time management. The first is the rough equivalent of cramming for the test. In this model you wait for obligations to pile up and then when panic starts to kick in you pull out all your best time management practices to cope with the onslaught. Like cramming, this tends not to work.
What works better? According to TMN, the answer is the same as it in the academic world — a steady pull. Rather than turning off and on your time management A-game to suit the circumstances, the blog suggests you have an always-on approach to managing your work and offers several reasons this approach works better.
The Steady Pull. An even steady pull is much easier to bear and allows you to be more productive. Starting and stopping your productivity efforts only creates more work for yourself.
Habits vs. Extra Effort. If you make time management part of your habits, the effort disappears and time management simply becomes part of your lifestyle. If you try to “turn it on” only once in a while, it becomes an extra effort that you must bear.
It is a Skill. Time management is a skill that you must hone just like any other. It takes practice and experience like other skills and activities. The more you do it, the better you will be at it.
Myth of the Crisis. People tend to think they only need time management in a jam. But, the truth is that you need it just as much when you are not in a crisis. It is proactive action that prevents the problems in the first place.
All of this advice makes plenty of sense, but I also see a flip side. Turning off for a weekend or the odd day here or there might not make logical sense if humans were machines, but we’re not (not most of us anyway). A nice stretch of slacking may not be good for your email inbox, but couldn’t it do wonders for your energy level and creativity when you’re burnt out and need a fresh perspective?
MY THOUGHTS
i'm a crammer. i seem to work best when under pressure. crises seem to come with the package when deadlines are far far off, it's difficult to get things done. however, this won't work when there are other people whose tasks are intertwined with mine. i need to plan and manage my time.
Friday, September 24, 2010
3 Ways to Break Out of a Career Rut
3 Ways to Break Out of a Career Rut
By Jessica Stillman | September 23, 2010
Learning, like getting in shape, isn’t a comfortable process. If you’re not sweating and worrying about whether you’re adequate to the task, you’re probably not pushing yourself hard enough. And what’s true in the classroom and at the gym is also true at the office, according to an excellent guest post by Tara Mohr on blog Productive Flourishing.
Entrepreneur Mohr shares her own story about plateauing at a place where she was comfortable with her skills but not gaining many new ones, but her problem could be experienced just as easily by someone working at a large company. She relates that six months into starting her business,
Things started to settle. I had a regular group of clients. I had run a few workshops. I was guest posting regularly… That was April 2010. Now we’re in September. Here’s what I’ve noticed: I’ve gotten stuck in a business comfort zone.
So what is Mohr doing to break out of her rut? She has a three-step process to get fired up for new career challenges:
Get clear on the current state reality. Write down the list of business activities that are within your comfort zone and those things that are outside of it. In your second list, focus on the top five activities you believe would enrich your business but that you are avoiding, delaying, ignoring, because they are out of your comfort zone. How do you know if you are avoiding something because it’s outside of your comfort zone? These are some good indicators: Do you get anxious when you think about doing it? Does it involve risking rejection, “failure,” or taking messy, imperfect action? Do you get mentally foggy when thinking about it?
Clear your own BS. Using your list, review the items outside of your comfort zone one by one and deconstruct or disprove the BS that is stopping you from going after each one. Create new incentives. We all have a huge natural incentive to play it safe. We have to create an alternative incentive to leave the comfort zone. When my husband and I were working conventional jobs, we had a special agreement on salary negotiations. We agreed that the first one of us to ask for a raise that got turned down by the company would win a prize from the other. On the one hand, we both wanted to win. On the other hand, neither of us wanted to propose a raise so outlandish it would offend our bosses. That stretched us to ask for the most money we thought would be perceived as not-offensive. We gave ourselves an incentive to take a risk.
If you’re curious what sort of BS Mohr is talking about in her second point, she lists three types that often come up and ways to combat each:
Fears. Fear of rejection, failure and the unknown. Get down to that root of the fear. See it for what it is. Have compassion for yourself. Question whether the fear is realistic, and look at whether you are willing to move forward in spite of the fear.
Inner critic chatter. You might hear your inner critic saying you aren’t ready to do x, that you aren’t good enough. You might hear old stories that you picked up from your mean second grade teacher, about how you can’t write or aren’t good with people. It’s all BS. Notice how the inner critic is functioning to keep you in the comfort zone, and start separating your own best thinking from its voice. Create a character and a name for your inner critic and talk back to him or her.
Your crazy stories: “I need to get x number of blog subscribers before I reach out to so and so about a collaboration.” “I need to have a fancy website before I sell products.” We make up all kinds of false rules like these about how the world is. Check out your assumptions. Write them down, look at them in the plain light of day, and question them. Talk them over with a friend or adviser.
MY THOUGHTS
what this article is saying to me is i should feel lucky that my job hardly gives me the time to feel my comfort zones. i am not in a plateau. sometimes i feel i'm spiralling down. i tell my boss, "we make 1 step forward and then slide back 5 steps". and yet, in reality, these steps backwards are ways for us to get out of a career rut. i thought this article was about getting another job. silly me. for someone who runs the 7 habits, i should have known, that looking for another job is a cop out. God will not take us to a place where we cannot handle things. He will never take us even a step further. He wants us to take certain steps in faith, even when they seem too much for us. Then, He will put a stop if we can't wing it- and we won't have to make a single step.
By Jessica Stillman | September 23, 2010
Learning, like getting in shape, isn’t a comfortable process. If you’re not sweating and worrying about whether you’re adequate to the task, you’re probably not pushing yourself hard enough. And what’s true in the classroom and at the gym is also true at the office, according to an excellent guest post by Tara Mohr on blog Productive Flourishing.
Entrepreneur Mohr shares her own story about plateauing at a place where she was comfortable with her skills but not gaining many new ones, but her problem could be experienced just as easily by someone working at a large company. She relates that six months into starting her business,
Things started to settle. I had a regular group of clients. I had run a few workshops. I was guest posting regularly… That was April 2010. Now we’re in September. Here’s what I’ve noticed: I’ve gotten stuck in a business comfort zone.
So what is Mohr doing to break out of her rut? She has a three-step process to get fired up for new career challenges:
Get clear on the current state reality. Write down the list of business activities that are within your comfort zone and those things that are outside of it. In your second list, focus on the top five activities you believe would enrich your business but that you are avoiding, delaying, ignoring, because they are out of your comfort zone. How do you know if you are avoiding something because it’s outside of your comfort zone? These are some good indicators: Do you get anxious when you think about doing it? Does it involve risking rejection, “failure,” or taking messy, imperfect action? Do you get mentally foggy when thinking about it?
Clear your own BS. Using your list, review the items outside of your comfort zone one by one and deconstruct or disprove the BS that is stopping you from going after each one. Create new incentives. We all have a huge natural incentive to play it safe. We have to create an alternative incentive to leave the comfort zone. When my husband and I were working conventional jobs, we had a special agreement on salary negotiations. We agreed that the first one of us to ask for a raise that got turned down by the company would win a prize from the other. On the one hand, we both wanted to win. On the other hand, neither of us wanted to propose a raise so outlandish it would offend our bosses. That stretched us to ask for the most money we thought would be perceived as not-offensive. We gave ourselves an incentive to take a risk.
If you’re curious what sort of BS Mohr is talking about in her second point, she lists three types that often come up and ways to combat each:
Fears. Fear of rejection, failure and the unknown. Get down to that root of the fear. See it for what it is. Have compassion for yourself. Question whether the fear is realistic, and look at whether you are willing to move forward in spite of the fear.
Inner critic chatter. You might hear your inner critic saying you aren’t ready to do x, that you aren’t good enough. You might hear old stories that you picked up from your mean second grade teacher, about how you can’t write or aren’t good with people. It’s all BS. Notice how the inner critic is functioning to keep you in the comfort zone, and start separating your own best thinking from its voice. Create a character and a name for your inner critic and talk back to him or her.
Your crazy stories: “I need to get x number of blog subscribers before I reach out to so and so about a collaboration.” “I need to have a fancy website before I sell products.” We make up all kinds of false rules like these about how the world is. Check out your assumptions. Write them down, look at them in the plain light of day, and question them. Talk them over with a friend or adviser.
MY THOUGHTS
what this article is saying to me is i should feel lucky that my job hardly gives me the time to feel my comfort zones. i am not in a plateau. sometimes i feel i'm spiralling down. i tell my boss, "we make 1 step forward and then slide back 5 steps". and yet, in reality, these steps backwards are ways for us to get out of a career rut. i thought this article was about getting another job. silly me. for someone who runs the 7 habits, i should have known, that looking for another job is a cop out. God will not take us to a place where we cannot handle things. He will never take us even a step further. He wants us to take certain steps in faith, even when they seem too much for us. Then, He will put a stop if we can't wing it- and we won't have to make a single step.
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