Choosing Your Battles: A Challenge in Managing Yourself

Hills to Die On

Daily Inspiration

By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach

Published April 07, 2010

 

Life is truly a battle! It has a way of testing our physical and emotional armor daily, and it’s more intense for some than it is for others. For some, their battles are distant and involve very little distraction or life interruption. For others, every day seems like a life and death struggle on the front line. Choosing which battles to fight will, to a large degree, determine how happy and content you are with your life. My message today concerns how you decide which battles are worth fighting.

In the Marines, they ask a simple question before committing to battle: “Is this the hill that I want to die on?” I suggest you ask yourself the same question when considering entering the fray. In short, I think we all spend too much time fighting battles that are inconsequential to our lives. Too many fights can leave you battle-weary, angry and emotionally wounded. My question today is this: How good are you at picking the right hills to die on in your life?

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare

 

My Thoughts

Have you ever heard of that question "is this the hill that I want to die on?  

For a while, I wondered why the question sounded very new to me.  And then, I remembered, I was a self-confessed war freak.  And I was proud of it.

Embarrassing, but true.  A good part of my "old life" was spent fighting.  Fighting for everything and anything I thought was my right, my privilege, "mine". Definitely, an issue of not being able to "manage yourself".

How selfish!  And how full of pride - that awful, awful sin that makes us "die" on "hills" that should not have been our "graves".

Lucky for me, we have a God of second chances, a God who repairs, a redemptive God.

I still don't ask the question "is this the hill that I want to die on?".  But when I feel like putting on my "battle gears", on the verge of showing that I have not learned anything about "managing yourself", I stop and ask this question - "does God want me to fight or sit this one out?". 

I always get the same answer - "It's not your battle but Mine".

 

 

  

it's been a while

It's been a while since I've thought of the "challenge of managing yourself".  Maybe this has become such a daily thing - this "challenge of managing yourself"- that I've stopped taking notice this is what I've been trying to do.

The challenge of managing yourself is exactly what it is - one big, huge challenge.  If managing other people is not easy, try thinking of how you are managing yourself, leading yourself, making sure that you are an effective, productive, well-rounded (not literally), truly happy person.  If you're having problems managing others, think about how you are managing yourself.  We can't lead others if we cannot even lead ourselves.  It's called personal leadership- the key to leading others.

The challenge of managing yourself will continue to be challenging because the need to be better, to have better relationships, to be content, will always be there.  Unless, you have given up on yourself and it's okay to stay as you are, to think that your bad relationships are because of other people, to feel dissatisfied and sometimes empty.

Ever heard of Gestalt psychotherapy? The theory involves taking responsibility for your self, for your life. It's being response-able, not just responsible.  Very Stephen Covey - Habit # 1 of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - the essence of facing the challenge of managing yourself.

I think (and know) that the biggest challenge of managing yourself is that it deals with the self.  It's so much easier to see the fault of others, to try and change them, to make excuses, to tag ourselves as the victim, to say we are unhappy because of our boss or our partners in life.  And this is why no matter what we do, the challenge of managing yourself continue to be very challenging.  In fact the challenge of managing yourself becomes more and more difficult as we go along.  Because we fail to use Stephen Covey's principle of inside out - to see ourselves first:  what's wrong with us, what are we doing that contributes to the problem, what do we need to change (within us) to make things better, to be responsible for our actions, to be proactive instead of reactive.

The challenge of managing yourself should be a daily thing.  Maybe there's really no need to think about it because it is so interwoven into our routines, a habit, a way of life.  There's really no need to think about the challenge of managing yourself because you see the changes:  in yourself, in others as they respond to a better you.

Oh, well!  I don't know if I am making sense.  Maybe I should eat breakfast first.

6 Things You Might Be Taking For Granted

5 Things People Take for Granted

Daily Inspiration

By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach

Published August 17, 2012

 

Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone? Those were the memorable lyrics from a popular 1970’s hit song by Joni Mitchell, titled “Big Yellow Taxi,” that I just heard playing on the radio.

Truer words were never spoken, and those speak to the heart of my message today. With rare exception, most people take the most important things in life for granted.

Let me begin by saying that we’re all guilty of this to some degree. While it’s true that some of you are more tuned in to this than others, most people don’t give a second thought to the most precious things in life until they’re unavailable and the spotlight of awareness is brightly focused upon them.

So today I thought I’d share with you five of the most common things that I think most people take for granted:

1. Food and Water
When we get hungry or thirsty, we can simply pull into any fast-food joint or store and get something to drink and grab a quick bite to eat. We’re also quite accustomed to having our grocery stores stacked high and deep with a vast variety of purchasing options. Food and water is typically only a few minutes away, even at the worst of times for most of us.

 

2. Your HealthWhen I say health, I actually mean many different things beside the opposite of illness. I’m also referring to things we just do without thought every single day, like your ability to walk, use your hands, speak, hear, smell, taste and think clearly, for just a few examples. The body is an amazing creation and the fact that it operates smoothly most days is still a magnificent mystery to me that far too many of us simply take for granted.

3. Time
This is an interesting concept because I don’t think that most people realize how much they take time for granted until, that is, they get a bit older. Age has a way of teaching us all about how precious time is and how quickly it passes by us. Where did all of those years go? That’s a question I hear a lot from people as they age and mature.

4. Your Significant Other
There’s an unfortunate kind of complacency that seems to take hold in most relationships that’s born out of familiarity and naturally comes with the passage of time. The sad reality is that taking your significant other for granted can be emotionally distressing to your partner and potentially devastating to your relationship. Since human nature tends to take us in this direction, we should all be on guard about the downside of taking our companions for granted.

5. Friends and FamilyI think most people believe that their friends and family will always be there for them and, as a result, they’re often not treated with the kindness, love and respect they deserve. The reality is that these are the very people who we should attend to the most in our lives.

 

I bet many of you reading this today are guilty of at least one of the above offenses. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re a bad or insensitive person if you do. But whether you do it intentionally or not, it still causes problems and creates emotional distance. In my opinion, there’s always a small or large price to pay for taking someone or something for granted.

Even though there’s some comfort in believing that someone or something will always be there for you when wanted or needed, there’s also great danger too. For example, taking the availability of food and water for granted probably won’t present you with many problems in this country. However, taking your significant other or you family members and friends for granted can lead to deeply hurt feelings, personal resentment and possible estrangement.

I hope my message today leaves you with your eyes a bit more open. As that famous line from that Joni Mitchell song so correctly warns: You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone.

Be on guard for this all too common human tendency because, as late author Aldous Huxley once wrote, “Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.”

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare

www.innerdiet.com 

 

My Thoughts

 

I have something else to add to this list which, I strongly believe, is the most important - God.  A lot of us forget that we have God in our lives.  Oh, yes, we pray.  Yes, we go to church, maybe read a few bible passages.  But are we really mindful about God?  

 

Do we "take in" his teachings as we do food and water?

Do we think about our spiritual health?

Do we think of God as our "most significant other"?

Do we give God our time?  Is He our priority?

Do we consider God as our "friend", our "family"?

May God forgive me for all the times I take him for granted.  I pray that I will always be mindful of Him.

 

 

  

Don't You Want to Enjoy Life?

I wasn't one to compartmentalize.  

If you're not sure what this means, think of your cabinets with different compartments where you organize your things and put them in the assigned space.  

one of my compartments, taken by me

Not for someone who is always in a hurry, right? You will need to think of how much space you have, how much things you need to put in which space.  Then, you will spend time putting things in the right compartment.  

Hmmm.  Not very encouraging, I thought.  When will I find the time to compartmentalize?


I was more of a multi-tasker.  

In fact, I should say I have become an expert in doing several things all at the same time: 

• talking on the phone while reading emails
• eating while driving
• cooking while doing laundry
• ironing clothes while watching TV
• dreaming while sleeping  

Well, maybe not the last one.  Although I think I had lots of sleepless nights because my schedules got so hectic, I try to think while I sleep. So much so, that the minute I opened my eyes, I jumped out of bed and grab paper and pen.  

Crazy life!  I was speeding and just about ready to crash.

rushing in hanoi by errol papera

That got me thinking, seriously, of listening to experts who say that multi-tasking is crap (forgive my french!).  As my schedules got crazier and I got more and more stressed and tired, I sat back and look at the impact of multi-tasking on my time.  On my life.


How many times did I have to make another call to the same person because I wasn't listening?  I was reading emails while on the phone.


How many times have I missed important emails because I was talking to someone?  And I have to go back to my mailbox (with thousands of unread mails) and search and search and search.


How many road turns or street corners have I missed because I was busy chomping on a sandwich and a banana?  And how many times do I have to clean the car because food was all over the seat and the carpet?

I thought of the burnt dinners and the burnt clothes - I was busy taking the laundry out of the washing machine  or I was busy crying over a mushy, romantic movie.


And I thought of all my sleepless nights and I thought - enough! This multi-taking thing was not working.  My schedules were getting tighter because I had to re-do things or do other things I would not be doing otherwise.


It's time to manage myself better, to manage my time more efficiently.  

I found these tips from the article "Compartmentalizing Your Life" by Mary-Rau Foster of Monday Motivating Moments:

1. Make a decision about what tasks need to be accomplished and which ones do not.
2. Eliminate the "I shoulds" and replace with the "I wills."
3. Create a list of the "to do's." Categorize the tasks as "must be done now," "should be done soon," and "it would be nice to get this done."
4. Decide which job you will tackle first.
5. Compartmentalize the tasks of the project that you will be tackling.
6. Commit to spending a designated period of time, 30 or 60 minutes, on one task.
7. For that period of time, work as though you were under a very pressing deadline, putting all of your energy and focus into the task.
8. Use a kitchen timer to alert you when the time has ended.
9. Stop when the timer rings, even if you feel like continuing on. Why? Because one reason we do not tackle big (or even small) projects is because we are sure that it will take too much time right then. If we continue working, we will find that our prediction has come true. However, for 30 to 60 minutes, we can take time out of other civilities to begin to attack this project.
10. Pat yourself on the back for staying on task and take notice of what you accomplished.
11. Reward yourself for the accomplishment.

I can't say the transition was easy.  Old habits die hard. That's for sure.  But I was intent on making changes, of taking control of my time instead of my time controlling me.


I'm making progress.  With God's help, my life is more relaxing and I have more time for prayer and for things and people that matter.

Today, my work is as demanding as ever.  But I have time.

Time to enjoy the flowers.

'define fresh' by dominic de leon

  Time to play hide and seek.

'it's not a crime to peek' by errol papera

 Time to enjoy the colors of life.

'colors of caliraya' by jopie banzon

 Time to stare at the sunset.

'my very own lumban sunset', taken by me

And time to be quiet and still.

'as tgranquil as can be' by von de leon

I'm enjoying life as I never have before.

Don't you want the same thing?

ARE YOU MATURE?

Are You Mature?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published July 18, 2011

There are few things that catch our attention quicker than immature behavior. Unfortunately, we see it all the time these days thanks to the Internet. The word maturity has many meanings, but for our purposes today I want to use the psychological meaning, which is a term in developmental psychology to indicate that a person responds to the circumstances or environment in an appropriate manner. Even though we may disagree a bit regarding the meaning of the word appropriate, we all know inappropriate behavior when we see it.

Advice columnist Dear Abby once defined maturity: “The ability to stick with a job until it's finished; to do a job without being supervised; to carry money without spending it; and to bear an injustice without wanting to get even.” Today, I ask you to think about where you fall on the maturity scale and honestly assess whether you need some work in this area. The truth is that maturity isn’t so much the result of how old you are as much as it’s an indicator of how well you learn from your experiences.

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

MY THOUGHTS

That's the best definition of maturity I have ever encountered. Something to think about.

THE POWER OF A SMILE

Let a Smile Be Your Umbrella
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published June 06, 2011

I ran across the following saying in a crossword puzzle: “Let a smile be your umbrella.” I immediately turned to my computer in search of the origin of this phrase. As it turns out, it’s a song from 1927 and later recorded and made popular by Bing Crosby in 1957. With all that’s going on in our world today, I think this phrase serves as a powerful reminder of how YOU ultimately determine your attitude in life.

As complex and difficult as life can be, happiness is really not that complicated. The human smile is an incredibly powerful stimulus for creating happiness. Just offer a big smile to a baby and you’ll see Mother Nature’s contagious and natural reaction in that innocent little baby’s face as he or she smiles right back at you. So whoever or whatever it is that you’re battling today, don’t underestimate the power of the human smile. As that old song proclaims, it makes a great umbrella!

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

MY THOUGHTS

If love can move mountains, a smile can go a long way for love.

MANAGE YOURSELF: DON'T BE TARDY

Don't Be Tardy
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published May 23, 2011

I find it fascinating how we all seem to have certain things that get our goat, so to speak. And what’s even more interesting about this is what tends to irritate and annoy one person may have absolutely no impact at all on another. I wrote an article a while back about a related topic, Pet Peeves, that seemed to strike a chord and get a real rise out of many of you. Today I want to address another irritating situation: Being late!

I operate under the assumption that if I am not 15 or 20 minutes early, I’m late. With this as my standard, I find myself seldom rushed and never late for an appointment or meeting. Of course, there is always the occasional flat tire or unforeseen situation that you cannot control, but that is precisely why I always figure that possibility into my traveling calculation. In my opinion, being late never serves you well and always makes a bad impression. In short, it demonstrates poor planning and reeks of disrespect! So I always try to arrive early because there is one sentence I don’t like to say… or hear: I’m sorry I’m late!

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

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MY THOUGHTS

I can't say Iwas never tardy. But I am the one some people hated because they had to take the bus to a retreat venue. We set a time and a place. We gave enough warning that we would leave at the appointed time. We also gave out maps-for those who thought I wasn't serious enoughto leave them behind. I did. I don't believe those who came early should be allowed to cool their heels for those who cannot come on time.

THE WORST 4-LETTER WORD

The Worst Four-Letter Word
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published April 20, 2011

http://www.lifescript.com/Soul/Self/Growth/I_Cant.aspx?utm_campaign=2011-04-20-78443&utm_source=daily-reflections&utm_medium=email&utm_content=todays-inspiration_I%20Cant&VID=78443&FromNL=1&sc_date=20110420T000000

If I was to ask you to name the most debilitating four-letter word in your vocabulary, which word would you choose? Of course, when one mentions the concept of a four-letter word, we typically think of those uncivilized curse words we tend to hear all too often. However, the four-letter word I am referring to today is not a swear word at all. It is, however, one of the most incapacitating, weakening, self-defeating and goal interrupting four-letter words in the English language. What is this devastating four-letter word I speak of? That word is can’t.

You see, once you convince yourself that you can’t do something, the game is pretty much over. And the sad reality is that, in most cases, you actually can but simply won’t for some reason. There is a mountain of difference between can’t and won’t, and there lies the reason that so many of your dreams lie broken and unrealized in your life. So today I want you to think honestly of a yet unrealized dream you have convinced yourself you can’t achieve. Then I want you to think about the honesty part of this equation. Does this dream remain unrealized because you can’t achieve it, or does it remain unrealized because you won’t pursue it? If I have been successful here today, I’m guessing that dream seems a bit more accessible now!

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare

www.innerdiet.com

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MY THOUGHTS

What more can i say? I can't think of anything else that will make this article more convincing than it already is. Unless, of course, 'can't' is your favorite 4-letter word-which is sometimes mine unless I check myself.

YOUR PRECIOUS TIME

Precious Time
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published February 07, 2011

Time is probably the most precious thing we have on earth. You can make a good argument for many other valued intangibles in life, but without time, nothing can be accomplished. This is why it pains me to see people waste this gift that we all receive at birth.

One of my favorite thoughts about time comes from Albert Einstein, who proposed an interesting concept called the “space-time illusion.” This illusion comes from two different types of time that Einstein identified as linear time and subjective time.

Linear time can be objectively measured. A clock, for example, is an excellent illustration of linear time: A minute is a minute no matter where you are or what you’re doing. Subjective time, on the other hand, doesn’t lend itself to objective measurement. It’s totally dependent on the experience and state of mind of each individual observer.

In explaining the difference between the two, Einstein said, “Spending a minute sitting on a hot stove seems like an hour, while spending an hour with a beautiful girl seems like a minute.” What he means is that your perception of the passage of time depends on each situation you find yourself in.

All this talk about time leaves me with the following two questions: How do you spend most of your precious time? Is it spent wisely or wasted thoughtlessly? Only time will tell!

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare

MY THOUGHTS

i like this.like this very much.i like the idea of subjective time. moments most precious to me have actually been the shortest.
www.innerdiet.com

Optimists vs. Pessimists

The Differences Between Optimists and Pessimists
What's the Explanatory Style of an Optimist?

By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide

Updated May 08, 2008

About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board

'Explanatory Style' Explained

‘Explanatory style’ or ‘attributional style’ refers to how people explain the events of their lives. There are three facets of how people can explain a situation. This can influence whether they lean toward being optimists or pessimists:

Stable vs. Unstable: Can time change things, or do things stay the same regardless of time?

Global vs. Local: Is a situation a reflection of just one part of your life, or your life as a whole?

Internal vs. External: Do you feel events are caused by you or by an outside force?

Realists see things relatively clearly, but most of us aren’t realists. Most of us, to a degree, attribute the events in our lives optimistically or pessimistically. The pattern looks like this:

Optimists

Optimists explain positive events as having happened because of them (internal). They also see them as evidence that more positive things will happen in the future (stable), and in other areas of their lives (global). Conversely, they see negative events as not being their fault (external). They also see them as being flukes (isolated) that have nothing to do with other areas of their lives or future events (local).

For example, if an optimist gets a promotion, she will likely believe it’s because she’s good at her job and will receive more benefits and promotion in the future. If she’s passed over for the promotion, it’s likely because she was having an off-month because of extenuating circumstances, but will do better in the future.

Pessimists

Pessimists think in the opposite way. They believe that negative events are caused by them (internal). They believe that one mistake means more will come (stable), and mistakes in other areas of life are inevitable (global), because they are the cause. They see positive events as flukes (local) that are caused by things outside their control (external) and probably won’t happen again (unstable).

A pessimist would see a promotion as a lucky event that probably won’t happen again, and may even worry that she’ll now be under more scrutiny. Being passed over for promotion would probably be explained as not being skilled enough. She'd therefore expect to be passed over again.

What This Means

Understandably, if you’re an optimist, this bodes well for your future. Negative events are more likely to roll off of your back, but positive events affirm your belief in yourself, your ability to make good things happen now and in the future, and in the goodness of life.

Fortunately for pessimists and realists, these patterns of thinking can be learned to a degree (though we tend to be mostly predisposed to our patterns of thinking.) Using a practice called ‘cognitive restructuring,' you can help yourself and others become more optimistic by consciously challenging negative, self-limiting thinking and replacing it with more optimistic thought patterns.

Sources:
The Institute for Health and Human Potential.

Rich Dad, Poor Dad, Robert Kiyosaki, The Positive Psychology Center

MY THOUGHTS

i've always thought of myself as an optimist. now,i wonder. this article has some serious points that requires pondering. stress, apparently can stem from our perspective - are we optimistic or pessimistic? the more positive we are, the less stress we will have. if we view events in our lives negatively, stress will always be at our doors. the challenge, is therefore, in how we can change the way we look at things. not always easy. but it can be done.

An Ocean Voyage Called Life

An Ocean Voyage Called Life
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published December 29, 2010

Life is a lot like an ocean voyage. We all have a journey ahead of us as we enter this world, but the journey called "Life" is different for everyone. When all is said and done, the twists and turns of your life are intimately tied to the actions you take and decisions you make. In a sense, we each get to choose the kind of journey we take. And we all have storms to endure that test our skills and threaten to sink our ships. Some of you find that your ships capsize easily during emotional storms. Others find a way to stay on board and keep their boats afloat no matter what challenges the seas of life present. It’s true that some seem to encounter more storms than others, but none of us can escape these storms entirely.

Sometimes these storms are predicted and you have time to prepare. For example, when you’ve been given notice that your job will be eliminated. However, other times these storms arise suddenly, like with accidents and illness. Nevertheless, the key to surviving these storms and maintaining your bearings is to keep a level head. Regardless of how often you find yourself in one of these battles, how you respond will determine the extent of the damage you incur. So the next time you feel the choppy waters of life churning, hunker down and persevere! These are more than just mere storms; they are also opportunities for you to gather strength, hone your battle skills and create character!

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

MY THOUGHTS

well put. some may think nothing is new in this article. what caught my attention is the phrase "intimately tied" to our actions and decisions. it's a cop out to think that what happens to us is fate. that way we don't need to take responsibility for our actions. but God gave us the wisdom to make choices, to decide on which path to take. it's not God's intention for us to simply wait for His plans to be realized. His intention is for us to journey with Him and be the person He wants us to be. how long and how stormy the journey would be depends on how closely we journey with him. the "straight path" is truly the "path less chosen". it's easier to be crooked. there are no rules. no standards. you feel free. and yet it's the crookedness of life that makes us prisoners. and the true freedom we want can only be reached if we journey through the "straight" path. for sure there will be "choppy waters" here and there. but remember, with God you never journey on your own. you are the captain of your own ship. but you use God's map. even if you get lost. you will be found.

Learning from our Failures

A Lesson Learned
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published December 27, 2010

I said something to a friend that seemed to jump out of my mouth without any conscious thought. He was telling me about his failure on a project he was working on, and said that he learned a lot in the process, but it turned out to be a big waste of his time. My response: “A lesson learned is never time wasted.”

That phrase is also applicable to you. Often, when people come up short of reaching their goal, they feel like a failure. In my opinion, nothing could be further from the truth, particularly if you’ve learned something important along the way. When you find yourself feeling disappointed or emotionally devastated because you didn’t reach a targeted goal, don’t just feel the pain and disappointment from it… learn from it! Failure is often the precursor of success, and as I told my friend, a lesson learned is never time wasted.

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

MY THOUGHTS

that could be the hardest part about failing. sometimes we avoid the lessons. because learning means changing. it means going against your grain. it means doing something you've never done before. we don't want to learn because it's so much easier to be "just the way we are".

Managers Should Behave Like Adults

Aspiring Managers: Learn to Behave Like Adults
By Steve Tobak | September 11, 2009

It’s relatively easy to be a successful child. All you’ve got to do is learn how to be cute, get attention, and cry when you’re hurt or hungry. Learning how to be a teenager is much harder; I’m not sure anybody’s good at it. I certainly wasn’t. As for becoming an adult, I’ve been working on that for decades and making very, very slow progress.

Everything gets harder as you get older, and becoming a good manager is no exception.

In fact, becoming a good manager is harder than all of those other phases combined. Why? Because, it not only depends on how much of an adult you’ve become, but how adult your employees are. Not to mention all the management and leadership skills that so-called experts and gurus aren’t even sure about - they debate this stuff all the time.

So, for all you relatively new, aspiring managers, and for those supposedly seasoned veterans who are honest enough with themselves to admit that they’re still trying to figure it out, here are three relatively critical but not necessarily intuitive tips I’ve learned by trial and lots of error along the way.

Try to act like a mature adult. As I alluded to above, the best managers are those rare individuals who actually behave like mature adults. What does that mean? It means being as honest, comfortable, and empathetic with your own issues and shortcomings as you are with your strengths and skills. Only then can you do the same for others, and that’s what good managers do.

Do the work - hands on. Work your tail off learning the basics of your trade and industry, whatever that is, while you still can - before you get promoted and lose the opportunity. Why? No matter how smart you are, that’s the only way to get hands-on experience that will engender respect from employees and help you to make effective management decisions down the road.

Become adept at 5 things: finance, selling, presenting, negotiating, and business communications.

Finance. I don’t care if you manage engineering, HR, IT, sales, whatever, you need to learn about finance. Why? Because that’s how companies are run and how business works. Period.

Selling. To sell your own programs internally you have to learn how to open doors, help constituents and peers to make informed decisions, and close deals.

Presenting. It’s hard to imagine your career going anywhere unless you can deliver an effective presentation. Unfortunately, most of us aren’t born with the presentation gene.

Negotiating. Negotiation skills are critical to resolving conflicts, driving consensus among peers and other key constituents, and developing your own career.

Communicating. Great managers are also great communicators; it’s a critical success skill. Unfortunately, they don’t teach you about business communications in school.

MY THOUGHTS

finance and selling? 2 of my most disliked areas of management. i don;t mind selling ideas. and i don;t why i cringe at the thought of selling commodities. and finance? i just can't get my finger on all those figures. one would think after working for a financial and a retail company, i would be over this issue by now! the problem is me of course. i have to want to at least like finance and selling. and the best way for this is to educate myself. i promise to brush up on these before the year ends.

Managing Yourself: Learn Confidence

Psychologists: Confidence is a Learnable Skill
By Jessica Stillman | November 5, 2010

Some people are born brash and full of confidence, but for us introverts learning to speak up with our ideas and sell our skills is not something that comes naturally. So does that mean that, for the most part, confidence is something you’re born with, and those of us less gifted in the area simply have to muddle through as best we can?

Absolutely not, say psychologists, according to a long and fascinating article recently published on Psychology Today. According to author Erika Casriel, “the reality is that most socially confident people deliberately learn specific skills.”

So what exercises do the experts recommend for the confidence-challenged who are keen to learn to keep cool in front of others? First, forget about simply repressing your anxiety, which simply makes you more self-conscious. Then, consider honing the following skills:

Read your body right:
“You can create a crisis of confidence by overreacting to your own normal heightened alertness. But if you can work yourself up simply by misinterpreting your body’s signals, you can chill yourself out by reading them correctly. The irony of misreading your nervous system’s cues is that far from harming you, your natural excitement can enhance your performance. Increased activation is not a sign that you’re failing, but that you want to do well and your body is ready to help.”

Focus on helping others: “Mastering social skills requires tuning in to your self-esteem. But instead of being self-conscious and fixating on your anxiety, work on creating positive interactions that make the people around you feel engaged and happy. Focusing less on yourself and more on others will yield big payoffs in expanded social opportunities.” Also, “feeling allegiance to a larger cause can make your discomfort more tolerable”

Get cozy with your fears: If you’re brave enough, “try ‘implosion’ — tackling a challenge so intimidating that once you’ve made it through, your original goal no longer fazes you.” Comedy stars Conan O’Brien and Will Ferrell apparently first started performing because it was what they feared most. By tackling their fears head on they overcame them.
The article includes much more information on the science of shyness, including statistics on its prevalence (40 percent of young people report they’re shy) and the genetic basis of social anxiety, as well as a ton of personal anecdotes about introverts’ battles to become more confident. If you’re interested, it’s worth checking out.

MY THOUGHTS

i am naturally shy. yes i am. but shyness won't get me nowhere. so i know, for a fact, confidence can be learned. i learned to conquer my fears by learning about something,finding out more about what i need to do, practicing, taking calculated risks but not setting myself up to fail by taking on too much.

where's your anger?

Where's Your Anger?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published March 31, 2010


Anger can be a destructive emotion. The physical and emotional price is costly enough, but the disruption and danger that it brings to others can be devastating. So today I’d like you to do a little personal self-assessment regarding the place that anger plays in your life. Some people can undergo all sorts of physical and/or emotional attacks and never unleash the anger inside them. Whereas others will blow up if you accidentally look at them the wrong way at the wrong moment.

The reality is that we all maintain conscious or unconscious distances from our anger. The rule of thumb is that the further away you are from anger, the safer and better off you and those around you are. If your anger is balancing on some kind of a weak hair-trigger, then you tend to snap very quickly. But those who can learn to maintain a safe emotional distance from their anger both physically and mentally benefit in a variety of ways. In a relationship, I suggest that you keep this in mind and take a measure of this emotion in any potential future partner as well. The news is full of horror stories about senseless violence over the most inconsequential of things. So where do you fall on this issue? Do you maintain a safe distance from your anger?


MY THOUGHTS

"The further away you are from anger" - this phrase alone should make us stop and think. What can get us close to or far from this destructive emotion? don't you notice that the happeier you are, the less angry you get? and how so easy it is for you to blow your top when you're stressed? What I've learned is that it pays to walk away - at least until after you've cooled down. then you're perspective would change and the anger somehow dissipates. i used to think that every isssue should be discussed. but there are issues that are much to big for us. that's when I let God take over. and the miracle starts to happen.