ARE YOU MATURE?

Are You Mature?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published July 18, 2011

There are few things that catch our attention quicker than immature behavior. Unfortunately, we see it all the time these days thanks to the Internet. The word maturity has many meanings, but for our purposes today I want to use the psychological meaning, which is a term in developmental psychology to indicate that a person responds to the circumstances or environment in an appropriate manner. Even though we may disagree a bit regarding the meaning of the word appropriate, we all know inappropriate behavior when we see it.

Advice columnist Dear Abby once defined maturity: “The ability to stick with a job until it's finished; to do a job without being supervised; to carry money without spending it; and to bear an injustice without wanting to get even.” Today, I ask you to think about where you fall on the maturity scale and honestly assess whether you need some work in this area. The truth is that maturity isn’t so much the result of how old you are as much as it’s an indicator of how well you learn from your experiences.

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

MY THOUGHTS

That's the best definition of maturity I have ever encountered. Something to think about.

MANAGE YOURSELF: DON'T BE TARDY

Don't Be Tardy
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published May 23, 2011

I find it fascinating how we all seem to have certain things that get our goat, so to speak. And what’s even more interesting about this is what tends to irritate and annoy one person may have absolutely no impact at all on another. I wrote an article a while back about a related topic, Pet Peeves, that seemed to strike a chord and get a real rise out of many of you. Today I want to address another irritating situation: Being late!

I operate under the assumption that if I am not 15 or 20 minutes early, I’m late. With this as my standard, I find myself seldom rushed and never late for an appointment or meeting. Of course, there is always the occasional flat tire or unforeseen situation that you cannot control, but that is precisely why I always figure that possibility into my traveling calculation. In my opinion, being late never serves you well and always makes a bad impression. In short, it demonstrates poor planning and reeks of disrespect! So I always try to arrive early because there is one sentence I don’t like to say… or hear: I’m sorry I’m late!

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

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MY THOUGHTS

I can't say Iwas never tardy. But I am the one some people hated because they had to take the bus to a retreat venue. We set a time and a place. We gave enough warning that we would leave at the appointed time. We also gave out maps-for those who thought I wasn't serious enoughto leave them behind. I did. I don't believe those who came early should be allowed to cool their heels for those who cannot come on time.

IMPROVE YOUR IQ

Get Fit to Improve Your IQ
YOUR DAILY FIT TIP
By The Lifescript Editorial Staff
Published May 06, 2011

Running is great for your heart and pumping iron builds strong muscles, but could both also help improve brain power?

Increased circulation, as a result of engaging in regular exercise, benefits your whole body, but especially your brain, which relies on a steady flow of blood to supply both nutrients and oxygen to its tissues. And what better time to beef up your brain’s “muscles” than during childhood?

According to a study from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, kids who are physically fit are smarter too. Fit kids will obviously score higher on fitness tests, but studies shows they also score higher on academic tests. Surprised? You shouldn’t be. Exercise promotes whole body awareness, and as a result of engaging in regular physical activity, the brain is better equipped to help you focus your attention on the task at hand.

Whether you were a fit kid, or never were and are now an adult in need of getting into shape, it’s time to focus your attention on regular exercise. Experiencing brain fog? Having writer’s block? Forgot where you left your keys? Go take a walk!


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MY THOUGHTS

No one wonder my brain seems to have stopped working for a long time. Let's see how my IQ will improve now that I've taken up walking.

THE CHOICE IS YOURS

The Choice is Yours
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published February 03, 2006

If you want to know how you arrived at your current state of health, just look at where you’ve been. Let me illustrate this point by sharing with you a little demonstration I used to perform for my patients. Whenever I would have a patient ask that great philosophical question, “How did I end up here?” I would take a pen and place it on my desk. I would then slowly slide the pen toward the edge of the desk. When I reached the end of the desk I would pause for a moment, move it beyond the edge of the desk and then release it. The pen would then, naturally, fall to the floor. Because of the laws of gravity and physics, the pen had no choice. It fell to the floor because I did everything necessary for that to happen.

I chose to grab the pen. I chose to put it on the desk. I chose to move it toward the edge of the desk and I also chose to release it. It was a series of choices that I made which eventually led to that pen lying on the floor. The purpose of this little experiment is to demonstrate the cause and effect aspect of the choices you make. The formula for a healthy life is very much the same. In order to be fit and healthy you must make healthy choices. There’s no complicated rocket science here at all. Eat healthy foods in the right proportions and exercise regularly, and you will end up in a totally different health situation than where you are now. This is how you get to where you want to go. So if you find yourself asking the question “How did I get here?” just look at where you’ve been and make today the day you change that pattern. The choice is yours.

Wishing You Great Health!
Dr. John H. Sklare

MY THOUGHTS

I know! I know! I probably wasn't aware that I was making those choices. or I never really gave my choices much thought. There's still time.

THE WORST 4-LETTER WORD

The Worst Four-Letter Word
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published April 20, 2011

http://www.lifescript.com/Soul/Self/Growth/I_Cant.aspx?utm_campaign=2011-04-20-78443&utm_source=daily-reflections&utm_medium=email&utm_content=todays-inspiration_I%20Cant&VID=78443&FromNL=1&sc_date=20110420T000000

If I was to ask you to name the most debilitating four-letter word in your vocabulary, which word would you choose? Of course, when one mentions the concept of a four-letter word, we typically think of those uncivilized curse words we tend to hear all too often. However, the four-letter word I am referring to today is not a swear word at all. It is, however, one of the most incapacitating, weakening, self-defeating and goal interrupting four-letter words in the English language. What is this devastating four-letter word I speak of? That word is can’t.

You see, once you convince yourself that you can’t do something, the game is pretty much over. And the sad reality is that, in most cases, you actually can but simply won’t for some reason. There is a mountain of difference between can’t and won’t, and there lies the reason that so many of your dreams lie broken and unrealized in your life. So today I want you to think honestly of a yet unrealized dream you have convinced yourself you can’t achieve. Then I want you to think about the honesty part of this equation. Does this dream remain unrealized because you can’t achieve it, or does it remain unrealized because you won’t pursue it? If I have been successful here today, I’m guessing that dream seems a bit more accessible now!

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare

www.innerdiet.com

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MY THOUGHTS

What more can i say? I can't think of anything else that will make this article more convincing than it already is. Unless, of course, 'can't' is your favorite 4-letter word-which is sometimes mine unless I check myself.

ARE YOU INTERESTING?

A Person of Interest
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published December 05, 2008

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day when he made a comment regarding a mutual acquaintance. He ended his description of this friend by saying he was a “very interesting guy.” As those words left his lips, the concept of being “interesting” stuck with me. According to the dictionary, the word interesting is an adjective defined as “arousing or holding the attention of someone.” Synonyms include: exciting, appealing, attractive and fascinating. Antonyms include: boring, dull and unexciting. With that as our foundation, let me get to today’s reflection.

With the concept of “being interesting” as our launching pad today, I have two thoughts for you to consider. First, who is the most interesting person you know, and what is it about him or her you find so interesting? And second, of all the people in your life, who do you think finds YOU interesting, and what do you believe makes you so interesting to that person. I have a feeling your thoughts and comments will be very interesting indeed!

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

Got a question? Ask Dr. Sklare

MY THOUGHTS

That's not how I define interesting. In my book, intersting means you don't know how to describe a person. Or you're too kind to be honest. Or you simply do not want to create enemies by being...damaging.

DO YOU NEED A CHANGE OIL?

The Story of Oak and Oil
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published February 29, 2008

As you know, I talk a lot about change. As a matter of fact, I often tell people in jest that I’m really a “changeologist.” I think I may have coined that term, and it really suites me well. The concept of change was recently brought to my attention in a rather interesting way. Here’s what happened: I decided to clean my office desk the other day. I have a beautiful oak desk that I’ve had for a long time, and occasionally, I give it a good cleaning with some oil in order to bring out the beautiful grain. The inspiration for this column presented itself to me as I was wiping the oil-soaked rag across the wood. As anyone who has ever done this task knows, the change is immediate and the difference is like night and day. Not unlike running a coat of dark new paint over an old, faded wall, the visual effect was dramatic and instant. I thought, If only I could invent an oil that would do this for lifestyle change. You would wipe it on your body and voila… instant weight loss and healthy lifestyle change!

Of course, there is no fantastic oil for lifestyle change. If you want to create a leaner body and a healthier life, it’s going to take longer than an hour and more than a simple liquid. But I do believe we all have that special something in our lives that can motivate us to achieve incredible accomplishments. The key is to find out what oil works for you, if you follow the analogy. Because, in truth, my little story of oak and oil is really a metaphor for creating change in your life. So, my challenge for you today is to begin searching for the oil that will transform your oak. Find that special something that motivates you to create change in your life, and you will also see the dramatic results that change brings with it.

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare

MY THOUGHTS

What happens to your car when you don't change the oil. That's what's going to happen to you when you stubbornly declare you don't need any oil because you don't need to change.

WHO WOULD YOU INVITE?

The Invitation
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, LifeScript Personal Coach
Published February 27, 2009

There is a famous old parlor game that asks a very interesting fantasy question: If you could invite any five famous people to your dinner party, who would you invite and why? It’s an interesting mental exercise that forces you to think about what and who you find interesting. I’m going to alter this game a bit and ask you to only invite one person to your dinner party. And for the sake of narrowing down this imaginary interaction, let’s further say that your guest must be a living person.

Remember, you are inviting this person to dinner because you find them fascinating in some way. You may want to begin by picking a top 10 list and then slowly eliminate nine of them to arrive at your final choice. The purpose is to get you thinking about who and what you find interesting. So, if you’re ready to prepare for this fantasy dinner party, it’s time to begin the selection process. Again I ask, if you could only invite one living person in the world for a private dinner-party conversation, who would you invite and why?

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

MY THOUGHTS

My answer would be largely dependent on why I'm having a dinner party. If I simply want to have fun, then I would invite the most humorous and easy-going person on my list. If I want to have some time for retrospection, then I want someone who's a good listener who's also insightful. I'm just blabbering. The question is very hard to answer.

DON'T LET OTHERS STEAL YOUR PASSION

DON'T LET OTHERS STEAL YOUR PASSION

How to Find Your Passion
2. Forbidden
By Martha Beck
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the September 2003 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

Often stuck people have learned through experience, example, or explicit instruction that passion is bad. You may feel stuck if your fundamentalist parents railed against sin or if your suave intellectual friends mock anyone who seems enthusiastic. We'll do almost anything to avoid shame or. To see whether you have been disimpassioned by social judgment, complete the following sentences with whatever comes to mind.

If I didn't care what anyone thought, I would.....

If I knew my parents would never find out, I'd.....

If I could be sure I'd do it right, I would.....

If you thought of things you've never actually done, things that make you giggle with embarrassment, you're probably forbidding yourself to follow your passion. You've learned to expect negative judgments, so (consciously or unconsciously) you avoid intense feeling and anything that causes it.

The tragic thing is that many people never realize there are places where they can swim with confidence. It's true that some social environments are vicious, but others are warm, accepting, loving. Think of the things that you'd do if they weren't forbidden. If they don't violate your own moral code, start doing them—without telling the people who would judge you.

You'd think this would be obvious, but it isn't. I've watched incredulously as dozens of clients who are just getting unstuck seek support from the very people who got them stuck in the first place. They confide in their militantly atheistic friends about their call to the ministry, or tell their pessimistic, puritanical mother that they want to dance, dance, dance! Don't make this mistake. You know what sharks look like, and the places they lurk. Avoid them. Instead share your passion with folks who are likely to support you. In doing so, you'll add social approval to the inherent joy of following your passions—and it will feel fabulous.

MY THOUGHTS

If you grew up in a culture where everyone and everything is 'judged', you'll learn not to care what people think or say. You go about your way with a passion that judgmental people will probably never understand. Who cares? For as long as you are not hurting anyone, go about your passion with passion.

HOW TO FIND YOUR PASSION

How to Find Your Passion
1. Fatigue
By Martha Beck
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the September 2003 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

If your inner life is so blah that you don't enjoy anything, or if you know what you love but find yourself stuck in Yeah-but excuses, ask yourself, "How old do I feel?" If the answer is "Really, really old," you're probably too tired to embark on the sea of passion. Fatigue can cause an absence of physical desire (an exhausted body isn't programmed to win races or make babies), a loss of mental acuity, and/or a flat emotional profile.

At times, this may reach the level of depression. One day a client oozed into my office, slumped into a chair, and said she was depressed—only she said it so slowly that I thought she said "deep rest." In a way, this was accurate. Depression can be part of a general shutdown, meant to turn us toward healing. A tired body, a tired mind, a tired heart can't—and shouldn't—be passionate about anything but rest. So if you're exhausted, care for yourself. Curl up with the cat and watch TV, sleep, read, sleep some more. Eventually, you'll wake up feeling like it's time to go for a swim. One important caveat: If you aren't feeling refreshed after a couple of weeks' rest, it's time to see a doctor. You may have a condition, such as a chemical imbalance, that can be alleviated only through professional care.


MY THOUGHTS

That's right! If after 2 weeks of complete rest you're still not up to doing anything else but curl up in bed, you're not depressed. You're a living...dead.

WHERE YOU CAN BE YOUR OWN BOSS

FIGURE OUT WHERE YOU CAN BE YOUR OWN BOSS

from the article 'How to Tap into What Really Motivates You'
By Daniel H. Pink
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the January 2010 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

Figure Out Where You Can Be Your Own Boss

We come into this world curious and self-directed—just look at any toddler—but we can become passive and inert in mundane situations, like when we're stuck on the low end of the office totem pole or in the cook/housecleaner/chauffeur role at home. Two business school professors, however, found that people in the least-empowered positions can develop a sense of autonomy. They studied the performance of hospital cleaners, and found that those who went beyond doing the minimum job requirements—chatting with patients or helping make nurses' tasks go more smoothly—reported an increase in job satisfaction. By reframing their duties, the janitors helped make their work more fully their own. This isn't just about taking on more responsibilities. It's about exploring what you can do differently to make your role, whatever it is, more interesting. If you reframe "I have to go the grocery store" to "I'm a player in the worldwide supply chain for food"—okay, no one but a nerd like me will do that—but you could choose to see how your choice of eggs can affect a larger system. Or you can make a game of it and see how fast you can get in and out of there. Either way, you're not at the mercy of a to-do list; you've taken control (if only in a small way) of your time, efforts and responsibilities.

MY THOUGHTS

I've always been a believer in 'going the extra mile', doing more than what's expected. That always gives a new meaning to whatever it is your doing. Suddenly the task, no matter how mundane, becomes very important- to you, at least (and that matters a lot!). Somehow, giving your all to a task, gives some sort of imprint on your results. It's like putting your own brand into everything that you do. it's hearing people say - "that's excellent! I'm sure you did it"! - that's going to be one good way to feel motivated.

HOW TO DEAL WITH SOMEONE WHO DRIVES YOU NUTS

How to Deal With a Coworker Who Drives You Nuts
By Kelly Goldsmith and Marshall Goldsmith | November 3, 2010

Almost all of us work with someone who drives us absolutely crazy — one person who consistently frustrates us or makes us feel guilty or angry. Dwelling on how much we hate these coworkers is never a great idea. If you believe, as I do, that it’s our own behavior that holds us back from achieving as much as we can, then one of the larger impediments to our progress is the time and energy we waste being upset with someone else — especially someone we can’t change.

Not sure what your behavior has to do with someone else’s craziness? An old Buddhist parable may help illuminate the issue. A young farmer was paddling his boat up the river to deliver his produce to the village. He was in a hurry. It was a hot day and the farmer, covered with sweat, wanted to make his delivery and get home before dark. Looking ahead, he spied another vessel moving rapidly downstream toward his boat. The vessel seemed to be trying desperately to hit him.

“Change direction, you idiot!” he yelled at the other boat. “You’re going to hit me!” But his cries were to no avail. Although the farmer rowed furiously to get out of the way, the other boat hit him with a sudden thud. Enraged, he stood up and shouted, “You moron! How could you manage to hit my boat in the middle of this wide river? What’s wrong with you?”

As he strained to see the pilot of the other vessel, he was surprised to realize that it was empty. He was screaming at an empty boat that had broken free of its moorings and was just floating downstream with the current.

The next time you get angry and get ready to blow up because of someone else, just remember: there is never anyone in the other boat. When we are screaming, we are always screaming at an empty vessel.

Getting angry with other people for being who they are makes about as much sense as getting upset with your chair for being a chair. Your chair cannot help being a chair; that’s what it is. If you had that other person’s history, genes, family, and life, you would be that other person — and do exactly whatever it is they’re doing that you can’t stand. You don’t have to agree with, like or even respect the other person; just don’t let him make you crazy. After all, he probably isn’t losing sleep over you. You’re the one being punished — and you’re also the person who’s doing the punishing.

The next time a coworker starts making you crazy, try redirecting your energy to change yourself. The only boat that you can ever control is your own.


MY THOUGHTS

i so envy people who never let themselves be bothered by someone's behavior. people who never let another person affect them in a bad way. men or women whose feathers never get ruffled by an annoying person. what is the point? we cannot change others. and for sure, we can be annoying others too. if it gets too much to handle, walk away. and pray for understanding. and for a change of heart.

An Ocean Voyage Called Life

An Ocean Voyage Called Life
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published December 29, 2010

Life is a lot like an ocean voyage. We all have a journey ahead of us as we enter this world, but the journey called "Life" is different for everyone. When all is said and done, the twists and turns of your life are intimately tied to the actions you take and decisions you make. In a sense, we each get to choose the kind of journey we take. And we all have storms to endure that test our skills and threaten to sink our ships. Some of you find that your ships capsize easily during emotional storms. Others find a way to stay on board and keep their boats afloat no matter what challenges the seas of life present. It’s true that some seem to encounter more storms than others, but none of us can escape these storms entirely.

Sometimes these storms are predicted and you have time to prepare. For example, when you’ve been given notice that your job will be eliminated. However, other times these storms arise suddenly, like with accidents and illness. Nevertheless, the key to surviving these storms and maintaining your bearings is to keep a level head. Regardless of how often you find yourself in one of these battles, how you respond will determine the extent of the damage you incur. So the next time you feel the choppy waters of life churning, hunker down and persevere! These are more than just mere storms; they are also opportunities for you to gather strength, hone your battle skills and create character!

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

MY THOUGHTS

well put. some may think nothing is new in this article. what caught my attention is the phrase "intimately tied" to our actions and decisions. it's a cop out to think that what happens to us is fate. that way we don't need to take responsibility for our actions. but God gave us the wisdom to make choices, to decide on which path to take. it's not God's intention for us to simply wait for His plans to be realized. His intention is for us to journey with Him and be the person He wants us to be. how long and how stormy the journey would be depends on how closely we journey with him. the "straight path" is truly the "path less chosen". it's easier to be crooked. there are no rules. no standards. you feel free. and yet it's the crookedness of life that makes us prisoners. and the true freedom we want can only be reached if we journey through the "straight" path. for sure there will be "choppy waters" here and there. but remember, with God you never journey on your own. you are the captain of your own ship. but you use God's map. even if you get lost. you will be found.

Learning from our Failures

A Lesson Learned
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published December 27, 2010

I said something to a friend that seemed to jump out of my mouth without any conscious thought. He was telling me about his failure on a project he was working on, and said that he learned a lot in the process, but it turned out to be a big waste of his time. My response: “A lesson learned is never time wasted.”

That phrase is also applicable to you. Often, when people come up short of reaching their goal, they feel like a failure. In my opinion, nothing could be further from the truth, particularly if you’ve learned something important along the way. When you find yourself feeling disappointed or emotionally devastated because you didn’t reach a targeted goal, don’t just feel the pain and disappointment from it… learn from it! Failure is often the precursor of success, and as I told my friend, a lesson learned is never time wasted.

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

MY THOUGHTS

that could be the hardest part about failing. sometimes we avoid the lessons. because learning means changing. it means going against your grain. it means doing something you've never done before. we don't want to learn because it's so much easier to be "just the way we are".

Managers Should Behave Like Adults

Aspiring Managers: Learn to Behave Like Adults
By Steve Tobak | September 11, 2009

It’s relatively easy to be a successful child. All you’ve got to do is learn how to be cute, get attention, and cry when you’re hurt or hungry. Learning how to be a teenager is much harder; I’m not sure anybody’s good at it. I certainly wasn’t. As for becoming an adult, I’ve been working on that for decades and making very, very slow progress.

Everything gets harder as you get older, and becoming a good manager is no exception.

In fact, becoming a good manager is harder than all of those other phases combined. Why? Because, it not only depends on how much of an adult you’ve become, but how adult your employees are. Not to mention all the management and leadership skills that so-called experts and gurus aren’t even sure about - they debate this stuff all the time.

So, for all you relatively new, aspiring managers, and for those supposedly seasoned veterans who are honest enough with themselves to admit that they’re still trying to figure it out, here are three relatively critical but not necessarily intuitive tips I’ve learned by trial and lots of error along the way.

Try to act like a mature adult. As I alluded to above, the best managers are those rare individuals who actually behave like mature adults. What does that mean? It means being as honest, comfortable, and empathetic with your own issues and shortcomings as you are with your strengths and skills. Only then can you do the same for others, and that’s what good managers do.

Do the work - hands on. Work your tail off learning the basics of your trade and industry, whatever that is, while you still can - before you get promoted and lose the opportunity. Why? No matter how smart you are, that’s the only way to get hands-on experience that will engender respect from employees and help you to make effective management decisions down the road.

Become adept at 5 things: finance, selling, presenting, negotiating, and business communications.

Finance. I don’t care if you manage engineering, HR, IT, sales, whatever, you need to learn about finance. Why? Because that’s how companies are run and how business works. Period.

Selling. To sell your own programs internally you have to learn how to open doors, help constituents and peers to make informed decisions, and close deals.

Presenting. It’s hard to imagine your career going anywhere unless you can deliver an effective presentation. Unfortunately, most of us aren’t born with the presentation gene.

Negotiating. Negotiation skills are critical to resolving conflicts, driving consensus among peers and other key constituents, and developing your own career.

Communicating. Great managers are also great communicators; it’s a critical success skill. Unfortunately, they don’t teach you about business communications in school.

MY THOUGHTS

finance and selling? 2 of my most disliked areas of management. i don;t mind selling ideas. and i don;t why i cringe at the thought of selling commodities. and finance? i just can't get my finger on all those figures. one would think after working for a financial and a retail company, i would be over this issue by now! the problem is me of course. i have to want to at least like finance and selling. and the best way for this is to educate myself. i promise to brush up on these before the year ends.

Driver or Passenger?

Driver or Passenger?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published December 14, 2010

When you boil it all down, there are basically two types of people in this world: drivers and passengers. The drivers take charge, grab the helm and take on a leadership role during periods of crisis. The passengers take direction well, excel in working closely with others and get the job done.

Even though we all exhibit both of these behaviors at times, you’re typically and consistently more one than the other. Today I ask you to consider this concept and think about the following question: When it comes to matters in your life, do you take on the role of the driver or passenger?

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

MY THOUGHTS

in my life, i'm a driver most definitely. especially when no one else is taking the wheel. but once in a while, it feels good to let someone else do the driving. there's also a lot to learn from being the passenger. what i know about driving i didn't just learn on my own. i become a better driver when i remind myself of how it feels to be a passenger. but of course, i drive only up to certain point. and i try hard to use the map of the greatest driver of all. God is the one who's supposed to drive my life. and for as long as i'm in tune with Him, even if i get lost, for sure, he'll direct me to the right path.

Managing Yourself: Learn Confidence

Psychologists: Confidence is a Learnable Skill
By Jessica Stillman | November 5, 2010

Some people are born brash and full of confidence, but for us introverts learning to speak up with our ideas and sell our skills is not something that comes naturally. So does that mean that, for the most part, confidence is something you’re born with, and those of us less gifted in the area simply have to muddle through as best we can?

Absolutely not, say psychologists, according to a long and fascinating article recently published on Psychology Today. According to author Erika Casriel, “the reality is that most socially confident people deliberately learn specific skills.”

So what exercises do the experts recommend for the confidence-challenged who are keen to learn to keep cool in front of others? First, forget about simply repressing your anxiety, which simply makes you more self-conscious. Then, consider honing the following skills:

Read your body right:
“You can create a crisis of confidence by overreacting to your own normal heightened alertness. But if you can work yourself up simply by misinterpreting your body’s signals, you can chill yourself out by reading them correctly. The irony of misreading your nervous system’s cues is that far from harming you, your natural excitement can enhance your performance. Increased activation is not a sign that you’re failing, but that you want to do well and your body is ready to help.”

Focus on helping others: “Mastering social skills requires tuning in to your self-esteem. But instead of being self-conscious and fixating on your anxiety, work on creating positive interactions that make the people around you feel engaged and happy. Focusing less on yourself and more on others will yield big payoffs in expanded social opportunities.” Also, “feeling allegiance to a larger cause can make your discomfort more tolerable”

Get cozy with your fears: If you’re brave enough, “try ‘implosion’ — tackling a challenge so intimidating that once you’ve made it through, your original goal no longer fazes you.” Comedy stars Conan O’Brien and Will Ferrell apparently first started performing because it was what they feared most. By tackling their fears head on they overcame them.
The article includes much more information on the science of shyness, including statistics on its prevalence (40 percent of young people report they’re shy) and the genetic basis of social anxiety, as well as a ton of personal anecdotes about introverts’ battles to become more confident. If you’re interested, it’s worth checking out.

MY THOUGHTS

i am naturally shy. yes i am. but shyness won't get me nowhere. so i know, for a fact, confidence can be learned. i learned to conquer my fears by learning about something,finding out more about what i need to do, practicing, taking calculated risks but not setting myself up to fail by taking on too much.