What to do with Unwanted FB Invites?

I got a strange (I was trying to avoid irritating but I won't) and very irritating friend request in FB today.  Strange because it was out of the blue. Very unexpected.  And it was very irritating because it was unexpected.

How can someone I have already "unfriended" send me an invite again?  Worse, how can someone - who maligned you and your friends - invite you to be a friend?  For the life of me, I couldn't comprehend.  Is this her way of making amends?  Or is she being her usual, obnoxious self?

I wished there was a decline button that I could hit as many times as I dislike this person.  And I wished she would get the message that I declined every time I hit the button with gusto.  Right this very minute, I am still arguing with myself.  I wanted to send a message with the a very mean question - "Why are you inviting me to be a friend?" and with a meaner note that says - "We will never be!"

How very un-Christian of me.  And God was quick at calling my attention

I was still fuming and seething as I checked my emails.  In my Inbox was a message from Mary Rau-Foster.  Mary sends me the Monday Motivating articles every week.  This is what she had for me this week: 

"Have you had one of those days, weeks, or months when it seems that someone in your life has wronged you? Are you feeling angry and resentful as a result of a conversation or a slight by another (family, friend, co-worker, or stranger)?" 

You know my answer to that one, right?

Here's more: 

"What can you do to get beyond the feelings that are holding you prisoner and poisoning your sense of well being? The answer is simple, but not easy. It is to just GET OVER IT!

At some point you have to let it go. Stewing over the situation will do nothing other than keep you boiling mad and, ultimately, burned out.  So what are the simple, but not so easy steps?

1. Make a decision! That is right; make a decision that you will not live your life poisoning yourself with thoughts of anger and resentment.
2. Extract the lesson. Figure out the lesson that you can learn from this situation and then keep the lesson, but throw away the experience.
3. Forgive - the other person and yourself! Forgiveness is the key to the handcuffs that are binding the two of you together. By forgiving or giving up the need to be angry, resentful, and feeling like a victim, you free yourself from the emotional snarls that keep you tied up in emotional knots.
4. Get over it! This includes not discussing it with others. Every time that you do, you will have to have to return to steps 1 thru 3. Frankly, there have been situations that I found so inflammatory and hurtful that I had to repeat steps 1 thru 3 many, many times until I could let it go and get over it."

 Aha!  She got me there, alright!  

I still haven't accepted the invite. I simply hit "Not Now" (where is that decline button?).  No, seriiously, I'm happy there's no decline button.  I don't know if I'll ever get to the point of adding her (again) to my list of friends.    I need to maul over what Mary sent me.  Maul and pray.

Forgiveness doesn't come easy.  Especially if there's no love to make you forgive the other.  I've got a long way to go here.  But I'll get there somehow.  Just "not now".

Source:  www.workplaceissues.com/mmmotivator.htm
 

Choosing Your Battles: A Challenge in Managing Yourself

Hills to Die On

Daily Inspiration

By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach

Published April 07, 2010

 

Life is truly a battle! It has a way of testing our physical and emotional armor daily, and it’s more intense for some than it is for others. For some, their battles are distant and involve very little distraction or life interruption. For others, every day seems like a life and death struggle on the front line. Choosing which battles to fight will, to a large degree, determine how happy and content you are with your life. My message today concerns how you decide which battles are worth fighting.

In the Marines, they ask a simple question before committing to battle: “Is this the hill that I want to die on?” I suggest you ask yourself the same question when considering entering the fray. In short, I think we all spend too much time fighting battles that are inconsequential to our lives. Too many fights can leave you battle-weary, angry and emotionally wounded. My question today is this: How good are you at picking the right hills to die on in your life?

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare

 

My Thoughts

Have you ever heard of that question "is this the hill that I want to die on?  

For a while, I wondered why the question sounded very new to me.  And then, I remembered, I was a self-confessed war freak.  And I was proud of it.

Embarrassing, but true.  A good part of my "old life" was spent fighting.  Fighting for everything and anything I thought was my right, my privilege, "mine". Definitely, an issue of not being able to "manage yourself".

How selfish!  And how full of pride - that awful, awful sin that makes us "die" on "hills" that should not have been our "graves".

Lucky for me, we have a God of second chances, a God who repairs, a redemptive God.

I still don't ask the question "is this the hill that I want to die on?".  But when I feel like putting on my "battle gears", on the verge of showing that I have not learned anything about "managing yourself", I stop and ask this question - "does God want me to fight or sit this one out?". 

I always get the same answer - "It's not your battle but Mine".

 

 

  

HOW TO DEAL WITH SOMEONE WHO DRIVES YOU NUTS

How to Deal With a Coworker Who Drives You Nuts
By Kelly Goldsmith and Marshall Goldsmith | November 3, 2010

Almost all of us work with someone who drives us absolutely crazy — one person who consistently frustrates us or makes us feel guilty or angry. Dwelling on how much we hate these coworkers is never a great idea. If you believe, as I do, that it’s our own behavior that holds us back from achieving as much as we can, then one of the larger impediments to our progress is the time and energy we waste being upset with someone else — especially someone we can’t change.

Not sure what your behavior has to do with someone else’s craziness? An old Buddhist parable may help illuminate the issue. A young farmer was paddling his boat up the river to deliver his produce to the village. He was in a hurry. It was a hot day and the farmer, covered with sweat, wanted to make his delivery and get home before dark. Looking ahead, he spied another vessel moving rapidly downstream toward his boat. The vessel seemed to be trying desperately to hit him.

“Change direction, you idiot!” he yelled at the other boat. “You’re going to hit me!” But his cries were to no avail. Although the farmer rowed furiously to get out of the way, the other boat hit him with a sudden thud. Enraged, he stood up and shouted, “You moron! How could you manage to hit my boat in the middle of this wide river? What’s wrong with you?”

As he strained to see the pilot of the other vessel, he was surprised to realize that it was empty. He was screaming at an empty boat that had broken free of its moorings and was just floating downstream with the current.

The next time you get angry and get ready to blow up because of someone else, just remember: there is never anyone in the other boat. When we are screaming, we are always screaming at an empty vessel.

Getting angry with other people for being who they are makes about as much sense as getting upset with your chair for being a chair. Your chair cannot help being a chair; that’s what it is. If you had that other person’s history, genes, family, and life, you would be that other person — and do exactly whatever it is they’re doing that you can’t stand. You don’t have to agree with, like or even respect the other person; just don’t let him make you crazy. After all, he probably isn’t losing sleep over you. You’re the one being punished — and you’re also the person who’s doing the punishing.

The next time a coworker starts making you crazy, try redirecting your energy to change yourself. The only boat that you can ever control is your own.


MY THOUGHTS

i so envy people who never let themselves be bothered by someone's behavior. people who never let another person affect them in a bad way. men or women whose feathers never get ruffled by an annoying person. what is the point? we cannot change others. and for sure, we can be annoying others too. if it gets too much to handle, walk away. and pray for understanding. and for a change of heart.

are you a manager or a leader?

From Manager to Leader
From Leslie L. Kossoff

Ask anyone and they'll tell you. There's a difference between managers and leaders.

Ask them what that difference is and they may have a bit more difficulty. Suddenly the words become amorphous and undefined. Somehow leadership is an intangible - a charismatic component that some people have and others simply don't. That's why, according to the ubiquitous "they", it is such a rarity.

Wrong.

The difference between being a manager and being a leader is simple. Management is a career. Leadership is a calling.

You don't have to be tall, well-spoken and good looking to be a successful leader. You don't have to have that "special something" to fulfill the leadership role.

What you have to have is clearly defined convictions - and, more importantly, the courage of your convictions to see them manifest into reality. Only when you understand your role as guide and steward based on your own most deeply held truths can you move from manager to leader.

Whether the group you oversee is called employees, associates, co-workers, teammates or anything else, what they are looking for is someone in whom they can place their trust. Someone they know is working for the greater good - for them and for the organization. They're looking for someone not only that they can - but that they want to - follow.

Because it is only when you have followers -people who have placed their trust in you - that you know you have moved into that leadership role. And the way you see it is that your organization is transcending all previous quality, productivity, innovation and revenue achievements. You're operating at such a high level of efficiency that you're giving budget back to the corporation - and you're still beating your goals.

You're achieving what you always dreamed could be achieved. And not only that, but it's actually easier than you thought.

Because you're a leader. Because the classic command and control management model - which, contrary to popular belief still applies even in our most progressive 21st century companies - is no longer in play. Sure, controls are in place. Sure, you're solving problems that arise.

But it's not just you alone. You have the people in whom you've put your trust - and who have happily and safely reciprocated - to help you create organizational success.

MY THOUGHTS

the toughest questions surely have the simplest answers. "management is a career. leadership is a calling". being a manager is something that you can give up easily. it's just a career. but leadership is something you are destined to do. how can you run away from what you were called to do? especially if you're certain as to who called you? bringing this to a different level is answering a different question. are you driven or are you called? are you there for the perks or are you there to make a difference? are you there for the "now"? or are you making sure the "now" will leave a "legacy"? did you make an impact while you were there? is the impact still there long after you were gone? tough questions! and only tough leaders can give you the answers.

managing with your inner voice

Scruples Are A Good Thing
Listening to Your Inner Voice
By F. John Reh, About.com Guide

I believe most people are good and honest. I believe that most managers act in ways that are beneficial for their employers and their employees. I do not believe that most of us are driven to take from others regardless of the cost. Certainly we have seen enough proof recently that there are unscrupulous people running businesses, but most managers are honest, scrupulous people.
Having scruples, or being scrupulous, means sometimes having doubts about doing something because it might not be right, because it might go against your principles. We all have an inner voice telling us when something we are considering isn't right. We might not always listen to it, but it is always there. As a manager, one of the best things you can do is to listen to your inner voice. If something isn't right, if your scruples kick in, if your inner voice tells you not to do it - listen. There is a reason for it.

Do you want your fifteen minutes of fame because of something you did well or are you willing to settle for fifteen minutes of infamy for having lied, cheated, or stolen?

The Voice Inside You
Sure, it can be tempting to take the easy way out, to tell a small lie because no one will be able to prove you lied, to claim credit for someone else's work because they work for you. Yet you will always know that is the wrong choice. Your inner voice will tell you.
Some people are better at ignoring their inner voice than others. They think they can talk loud enough, live fast enough, that they can drown out their inner voice. They can't. It's always there. So is yours.

The Upside
When you have scruples, when you listen to your inner voice, life is easier.
•You never have to remember your story
If you always tell the truth, you don't have to worry about what you told who.
•You are more effective
When you know you are doing the right thing, it is easier for you to get behind it and push to make it a success.
•You sleep better
When your inner voice isn't nagging you, you sleep more soundly. You aren't fighting with yourself.
The Downside
If you decide to ignore your inner voice, there will be consequences. They may not be obvious or immediate, but they will come.
•You will be found out
Regardless of how clever you are, or how practiced a liar you become, you will slip up. Someone will catch you in your lie.
•You will be less effective
You will spend so much time and energy covering your tracks that you will get less done.
•You won't like yourself very much
Even if no one else knows, you will know.
Manage this issue
The easiest course of action for any manager, the best course, the most effective, is to follow your inner voice. If something seems wrong, don't do it. If you use that moral compass as your guide, you will be a better manager and you will like yourself more. Others will sense it too, and you will be a better manager.

MY THOUGHTS

being scrupulous! listening to that voice that only you can hear. the voice inside that makes you uncomfortable. only if you know what's right and what's wrong. coz if you don't, there won't be an inner voice. and you won;t know until it's too late.

where's your anger?

Where's Your Anger?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published March 31, 2010


Anger can be a destructive emotion. The physical and emotional price is costly enough, but the disruption and danger that it brings to others can be devastating. So today I’d like you to do a little personal self-assessment regarding the place that anger plays in your life. Some people can undergo all sorts of physical and/or emotional attacks and never unleash the anger inside them. Whereas others will blow up if you accidentally look at them the wrong way at the wrong moment.

The reality is that we all maintain conscious or unconscious distances from our anger. The rule of thumb is that the further away you are from anger, the safer and better off you and those around you are. If your anger is balancing on some kind of a weak hair-trigger, then you tend to snap very quickly. But those who can learn to maintain a safe emotional distance from their anger both physically and mentally benefit in a variety of ways. In a relationship, I suggest that you keep this in mind and take a measure of this emotion in any potential future partner as well. The news is full of horror stories about senseless violence over the most inconsequential of things. So where do you fall on this issue? Do you maintain a safe distance from your anger?


MY THOUGHTS

"The further away you are from anger" - this phrase alone should make us stop and think. What can get us close to or far from this destructive emotion? don't you notice that the happeier you are, the less angry you get? and how so easy it is for you to blow your top when you're stressed? What I've learned is that it pays to walk away - at least until after you've cooled down. then you're perspective would change and the anger somehow dissipates. i used to think that every isssue should be discussed. but there are issues that are much to big for us. that's when I let God take over. and the miracle starts to happen.