Managing Yourself: Learn Confidence

Psychologists: Confidence is a Learnable Skill
By Jessica Stillman | November 5, 2010

Some people are born brash and full of confidence, but for us introverts learning to speak up with our ideas and sell our skills is not something that comes naturally. So does that mean that, for the most part, confidence is something you’re born with, and those of us less gifted in the area simply have to muddle through as best we can?

Absolutely not, say psychologists, according to a long and fascinating article recently published on Psychology Today. According to author Erika Casriel, “the reality is that most socially confident people deliberately learn specific skills.”

So what exercises do the experts recommend for the confidence-challenged who are keen to learn to keep cool in front of others? First, forget about simply repressing your anxiety, which simply makes you more self-conscious. Then, consider honing the following skills:

Read your body right:
“You can create a crisis of confidence by overreacting to your own normal heightened alertness. But if you can work yourself up simply by misinterpreting your body’s signals, you can chill yourself out by reading them correctly. The irony of misreading your nervous system’s cues is that far from harming you, your natural excitement can enhance your performance. Increased activation is not a sign that you’re failing, but that you want to do well and your body is ready to help.”

Focus on helping others: “Mastering social skills requires tuning in to your self-esteem. But instead of being self-conscious and fixating on your anxiety, work on creating positive interactions that make the people around you feel engaged and happy. Focusing less on yourself and more on others will yield big payoffs in expanded social opportunities.” Also, “feeling allegiance to a larger cause can make your discomfort more tolerable”

Get cozy with your fears: If you’re brave enough, “try ‘implosion’ — tackling a challenge so intimidating that once you’ve made it through, your original goal no longer fazes you.” Comedy stars Conan O’Brien and Will Ferrell apparently first started performing because it was what they feared most. By tackling their fears head on they overcame them.
The article includes much more information on the science of shyness, including statistics on its prevalence (40 percent of young people report they’re shy) and the genetic basis of social anxiety, as well as a ton of personal anecdotes about introverts’ battles to become more confident. If you’re interested, it’s worth checking out.

MY THOUGHTS

i am naturally shy. yes i am. but shyness won't get me nowhere. so i know, for a fact, confidence can be learned. i learned to conquer my fears by learning about something,finding out more about what i need to do, practicing, taking calculated risks but not setting myself up to fail by taking on too much.