Are You Mature?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published July 18, 2011
There are few things that catch our attention quicker than immature behavior. Unfortunately, we see it all the time these days thanks to the Internet. The word maturity has many meanings, but for our purposes today I want to use the psychological meaning, which is a term in developmental psychology to indicate that a person responds to the circumstances or environment in an appropriate manner. Even though we may disagree a bit regarding the meaning of the word appropriate, we all know inappropriate behavior when we see it.
Advice columnist Dear Abby once defined maturity: “The ability to stick with a job until it's finished; to do a job without being supervised; to carry money without spending it; and to bear an injustice without wanting to get even.” Today, I ask you to think about where you fall on the maturity scale and honestly assess whether you need some work in this area. The truth is that maturity isn’t so much the result of how old you are as much as it’s an indicator of how well you learn from your experiences.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
That's the best definition of maturity I have ever encountered. Something to think about.
Showing posts with label managing yourself. Show all posts
Showing posts with label managing yourself. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
ARE YOU LOLLYGAGGING?
Are You Lollygagging?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published May 09, 2011
Please consider today’s Reflection as a motivational wake-up call for all of you who aren’t getting things done in life. Let me begin with a simple question: Are you lollygagging? To lollygag means “to waste time in trifling or aimless activity; fool around or dawdle.” I want you to think about the most important goal in your life that’s unfinished. Sure, there may be good reasons to waste time, but until you get going with this, it simply isn’t going to become a reality.
So today I ask you to think about that one desired goal in your life. Is today the day you finally begin to take honest action toward this objective? Or have you decided that lollygagging is a wiser use of your time? At the end of the day, it’s your life and time that you’re wasting!
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
Follow Dr. Sklare on Health Bistro!
MY THOUGHTS
I think lollygagging is good-once in a while. Maybe 30 minutes a day opf vegging out will keep away the stress. But to lollygag for more than that is a serious problem. My biggest question, for now, is what is 'trifling and aimless'?. What you're doing for the moment may notlooklike something that will help you reach that one desired momentous goal. But not every small thing is trifle. If what you're doing is helping someone, even if it doesn't seem to contribute to your dream, I will not call that lollygagging!
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published May 09, 2011
Please consider today’s Reflection as a motivational wake-up call for all of you who aren’t getting things done in life. Let me begin with a simple question: Are you lollygagging? To lollygag means “to waste time in trifling or aimless activity; fool around or dawdle.” I want you to think about the most important goal in your life that’s unfinished. Sure, there may be good reasons to waste time, but until you get going with this, it simply isn’t going to become a reality.
So today I ask you to think about that one desired goal in your life. Is today the day you finally begin to take honest action toward this objective? Or have you decided that lollygagging is a wiser use of your time? At the end of the day, it’s your life and time that you’re wasting!
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
Follow Dr. Sklare on Health Bistro!
MY THOUGHTS
I think lollygagging is good-once in a while. Maybe 30 minutes a day opf vegging out will keep away the stress. But to lollygag for more than that is a serious problem. My biggest question, for now, is what is 'trifling and aimless'?. What you're doing for the moment may notlooklike something that will help you reach that one desired momentous goal. But not every small thing is trifle. If what you're doing is helping someone, even if it doesn't seem to contribute to your dream, I will not call that lollygagging!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
IMPROVE YOUR IQ
Get Fit to Improve Your IQ
YOUR DAILY FIT TIP
By The Lifescript Editorial Staff
Published May 06, 2011
Running is great for your heart and pumping iron builds strong muscles, but could both also help improve brain power?
Increased circulation, as a result of engaging in regular exercise, benefits your whole body, but especially your brain, which relies on a steady flow of blood to supply both nutrients and oxygen to its tissues. And what better time to beef up your brain’s “muscles” than during childhood?
According to a study from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, kids who are physically fit are smarter too. Fit kids will obviously score higher on fitness tests, but studies shows they also score higher on academic tests. Surprised? You shouldn’t be. Exercise promotes whole body awareness, and as a result of engaging in regular physical activity, the brain is better equipped to help you focus your attention on the task at hand.
Whether you were a fit kid, or never were and are now an adult in need of getting into shape, it’s time to focus your attention on regular exercise. Experiencing brain fog? Having writer’s block? Forgot where you left your keys? Go take a walk!
Check out Health Bistro for more healthy food for thought. See what Lifescript editors are talking about and get the skinny on latest news. Share it with your friends (it’s free to sign up!), and bookmark it so you don’t miss a single juicy post!
Talk to us on Facebook and Twitter!
MY THOUGHTS
No one wonder my brain seems to have stopped working for a long time. Let's see how my IQ will improve now that I've taken up walking.
YOUR DAILY FIT TIP
By The Lifescript Editorial Staff
Published May 06, 2011
Running is great for your heart and pumping iron builds strong muscles, but could both also help improve brain power?
Increased circulation, as a result of engaging in regular exercise, benefits your whole body, but especially your brain, which relies on a steady flow of blood to supply both nutrients and oxygen to its tissues. And what better time to beef up your brain’s “muscles” than during childhood?
According to a study from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, kids who are physically fit are smarter too. Fit kids will obviously score higher on fitness tests, but studies shows they also score higher on academic tests. Surprised? You shouldn’t be. Exercise promotes whole body awareness, and as a result of engaging in regular physical activity, the brain is better equipped to help you focus your attention on the task at hand.
Whether you were a fit kid, or never were and are now an adult in need of getting into shape, it’s time to focus your attention on regular exercise. Experiencing brain fog? Having writer’s block? Forgot where you left your keys? Go take a walk!
Check out Health Bistro for more healthy food for thought. See what Lifescript editors are talking about and get the skinny on latest news. Share it with your friends (it’s free to sign up!), and bookmark it so you don’t miss a single juicy post!
Talk to us on Facebook and Twitter!
MY THOUGHTS
No one wonder my brain seems to have stopped working for a long time. Let's see how my IQ will improve now that I've taken up walking.
Monday, April 25, 2011
THE CHOICE IS YOURS
The Choice is Yours
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published February 03, 2006
If you want to know how you arrived at your current state of health, just look at where you’ve been. Let me illustrate this point by sharing with you a little demonstration I used to perform for my patients. Whenever I would have a patient ask that great philosophical question, “How did I end up here?” I would take a pen and place it on my desk. I would then slowly slide the pen toward the edge of the desk. When I reached the end of the desk I would pause for a moment, move it beyond the edge of the desk and then release it. The pen would then, naturally, fall to the floor. Because of the laws of gravity and physics, the pen had no choice. It fell to the floor because I did everything necessary for that to happen.
I chose to grab the pen. I chose to put it on the desk. I chose to move it toward the edge of the desk and I also chose to release it. It was a series of choices that I made which eventually led to that pen lying on the floor. The purpose of this little experiment is to demonstrate the cause and effect aspect of the choices you make. The formula for a healthy life is very much the same. In order to be fit and healthy you must make healthy choices. There’s no complicated rocket science here at all. Eat healthy foods in the right proportions and exercise regularly, and you will end up in a totally different health situation than where you are now. This is how you get to where you want to go. So if you find yourself asking the question “How did I get here?” just look at where you’ve been and make today the day you change that pattern. The choice is yours.
Wishing You Great Health!
Dr. John H. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
I know! I know! I probably wasn't aware that I was making those choices. or I never really gave my choices much thought. There's still time.
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published February 03, 2006
If you want to know how you arrived at your current state of health, just look at where you’ve been. Let me illustrate this point by sharing with you a little demonstration I used to perform for my patients. Whenever I would have a patient ask that great philosophical question, “How did I end up here?” I would take a pen and place it on my desk. I would then slowly slide the pen toward the edge of the desk. When I reached the end of the desk I would pause for a moment, move it beyond the edge of the desk and then release it. The pen would then, naturally, fall to the floor. Because of the laws of gravity and physics, the pen had no choice. It fell to the floor because I did everything necessary for that to happen.
I chose to grab the pen. I chose to put it on the desk. I chose to move it toward the edge of the desk and I also chose to release it. It was a series of choices that I made which eventually led to that pen lying on the floor. The purpose of this little experiment is to demonstrate the cause and effect aspect of the choices you make. The formula for a healthy life is very much the same. In order to be fit and healthy you must make healthy choices. There’s no complicated rocket science here at all. Eat healthy foods in the right proportions and exercise regularly, and you will end up in a totally different health situation than where you are now. This is how you get to where you want to go. So if you find yourself asking the question “How did I get here?” just look at where you’ve been and make today the day you change that pattern. The choice is yours.
Wishing You Great Health!
Dr. John H. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
I know! I know! I probably wasn't aware that I was making those choices. or I never really gave my choices much thought. There's still time.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
ARE YOU INTERESTING?
A Person of Interest
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published December 05, 2008
I was having a conversation with a friend the other day when he made a comment regarding a mutual acquaintance. He ended his description of this friend by saying he was a “very interesting guy.” As those words left his lips, the concept of being “interesting” stuck with me. According to the dictionary, the word interesting is an adjective defined as “arousing or holding the attention of someone.” Synonyms include: exciting, appealing, attractive and fascinating. Antonyms include: boring, dull and unexciting. With that as our foundation, let me get to today’s reflection.
With the concept of “being interesting” as our launching pad today, I have two thoughts for you to consider. First, who is the most interesting person you know, and what is it about him or her you find so interesting? And second, of all the people in your life, who do you think finds YOU interesting, and what do you believe makes you so interesting to that person. I have a feeling your thoughts and comments will be very interesting indeed!
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
Got a question? Ask Dr. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
That's not how I define interesting. In my book, intersting means you don't know how to describe a person. Or you're too kind to be honest. Or you simply do not want to create enemies by being...damaging.
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published December 05, 2008
I was having a conversation with a friend the other day when he made a comment regarding a mutual acquaintance. He ended his description of this friend by saying he was a “very interesting guy.” As those words left his lips, the concept of being “interesting” stuck with me. According to the dictionary, the word interesting is an adjective defined as “arousing or holding the attention of someone.” Synonyms include: exciting, appealing, attractive and fascinating. Antonyms include: boring, dull and unexciting. With that as our foundation, let me get to today’s reflection.
With the concept of “being interesting” as our launching pad today, I have two thoughts for you to consider. First, who is the most interesting person you know, and what is it about him or her you find so interesting? And second, of all the people in your life, who do you think finds YOU interesting, and what do you believe makes you so interesting to that person. I have a feeling your thoughts and comments will be very interesting indeed!
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
Got a question? Ask Dr. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
That's not how I define interesting. In my book, intersting means you don't know how to describe a person. Or you're too kind to be honest. Or you simply do not want to create enemies by being...damaging.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
DEALING WITH CHANGE
How Do You Adapt to Change?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published March 18, 2011
The English naturalist Charles Darwin is famous for his theory of evolution called natural selection. Today, I simply want to use one of his quotes to make an important point about finding peace of mind, personal happiness and overall life contentment. It goes as follows: “It’s not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives, it’s the one that is most adaptable to change.” Since change is a constant occurrence in the world, learning to accept, manage and direct it is paramount to dealing with life’s inevitable twists and turns.
Some of you may be smack dab in the middle of one of these emotional and life-altering changes right now. Most people have a natural tendency to fight change tooth and nail; others tend to hunker down and ride out the storm; and some tend to grab the bull by the horns and make the change work for them. So today’s Reflection simply asks you to consider these three modes of reacting to change and see which one best describes your typical response. At the end of the day, you can’t stop change from occurring in your life, but you can definitely get better at dealing with it!
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
I think the way we deal with change depends on what's going to change. It's hardest to change when everything's A-okay and you don't see the need for it.
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published March 18, 2011
The English naturalist Charles Darwin is famous for his theory of evolution called natural selection. Today, I simply want to use one of his quotes to make an important point about finding peace of mind, personal happiness and overall life contentment. It goes as follows: “It’s not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives, it’s the one that is most adaptable to change.” Since change is a constant occurrence in the world, learning to accept, manage and direct it is paramount to dealing with life’s inevitable twists and turns.
Some of you may be smack dab in the middle of one of these emotional and life-altering changes right now. Most people have a natural tendency to fight change tooth and nail; others tend to hunker down and ride out the storm; and some tend to grab the bull by the horns and make the change work for them. So today’s Reflection simply asks you to consider these three modes of reacting to change and see which one best describes your typical response. At the end of the day, you can’t stop change from occurring in your life, but you can definitely get better at dealing with it!
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
I think the way we deal with change depends on what's going to change. It's hardest to change when everything's A-okay and you don't see the need for it.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
HOW TO FIND YOUR PASSION
How to Find Your Passion
1. Fatigue
By Martha Beck
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the September 2003 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
If your inner life is so blah that you don't enjoy anything, or if you know what you love but find yourself stuck in Yeah-but excuses, ask yourself, "How old do I feel?" If the answer is "Really, really old," you're probably too tired to embark on the sea of passion. Fatigue can cause an absence of physical desire (an exhausted body isn't programmed to win races or make babies), a loss of mental acuity, and/or a flat emotional profile.
At times, this may reach the level of depression. One day a client oozed into my office, slumped into a chair, and said she was depressed—only she said it so slowly that I thought she said "deep rest." In a way, this was accurate. Depression can be part of a general shutdown, meant to turn us toward healing. A tired body, a tired mind, a tired heart can't—and shouldn't—be passionate about anything but rest. So if you're exhausted, care for yourself. Curl up with the cat and watch TV, sleep, read, sleep some more. Eventually, you'll wake up feeling like it's time to go for a swim. One important caveat: If you aren't feeling refreshed after a couple of weeks' rest, it's time to see a doctor. You may have a condition, such as a chemical imbalance, that can be alleviated only through professional care.
MY THOUGHTS
That's right! If after 2 weeks of complete rest you're still not up to doing anything else but curl up in bed, you're not depressed. You're a living...dead.
1. Fatigue
By Martha Beck
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the September 2003 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
If your inner life is so blah that you don't enjoy anything, or if you know what you love but find yourself stuck in Yeah-but excuses, ask yourself, "How old do I feel?" If the answer is "Really, really old," you're probably too tired to embark on the sea of passion. Fatigue can cause an absence of physical desire (an exhausted body isn't programmed to win races or make babies), a loss of mental acuity, and/or a flat emotional profile.
At times, this may reach the level of depression. One day a client oozed into my office, slumped into a chair, and said she was depressed—only she said it so slowly that I thought she said "deep rest." In a way, this was accurate. Depression can be part of a general shutdown, meant to turn us toward healing. A tired body, a tired mind, a tired heart can't—and shouldn't—be passionate about anything but rest. So if you're exhausted, care for yourself. Curl up with the cat and watch TV, sleep, read, sleep some more. Eventually, you'll wake up feeling like it's time to go for a swim. One important caveat: If you aren't feeling refreshed after a couple of weeks' rest, it's time to see a doctor. You may have a condition, such as a chemical imbalance, that can be alleviated only through professional care.
MY THOUGHTS
That's right! If after 2 weeks of complete rest you're still not up to doing anything else but curl up in bed, you're not depressed. You're a living...dead.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
ARE YOU SELF-MOTIVATED?
Tickle Me Motivated
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published July 11, 2007
http://www.lifescript.com/Soul/Self/Motivation/Tickle_Me_Motivated.aspx
I was having a discussion the other day with a colleague about self motivation, and we both strongly agreed that it is an essential ingredient in the formula for success. We also agreed that, unfortunately, most people have a serious lack of ability when it comes to motivating themselves to accomplish their goals. Oddly enough, in my experience, these are often the very same people who are absolutely excellent at motivating others. So why is it that some people can be such great cheerleaders for others, but when it comes to inspiring themselves, they fall way short of the target? In a nutshell, I think the problem that most people have with self motivation is very similar to the phenomenon of self tickling. Have you ever tried to tickle yourself? Isn’t it amazing how someone else can barely touch you and you can’t help but laugh, but YOU can’t produce a single giggle when you try to tickle yourself. Sounds strangely similar to self motivation if you ask me.
The dictionary defines self motivation as “The initiative to undertake or continue a task or activity without another’s prodding or supervision.” In learning theory, there are two kinds of motivation: intrinsic (internal) and extrinsic (external) motivation. According to the definition above, self motivation is an example of intrinsic motivation. Those of you who have the ability to self-motivate reap the benefits every day. But many find that trying to muster up self motivation leaves them just as frustrated and unsuccessful as trying to tickle themselves. However, finding the success you dream about, no matter what your goal, is not likely to happen if you don’t find a way to MAKE it happen.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
so, better start tickling yourself. i think self-motivation is a sign of real maturity. you do things without someone or something pushing you. and you take it even further by doing things well, even when no one's watching.
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published July 11, 2007
http://www.lifescript.com/Soul/Self/Motivation/Tickle_Me_Motivated.aspx
I was having a discussion the other day with a colleague about self motivation, and we both strongly agreed that it is an essential ingredient in the formula for success. We also agreed that, unfortunately, most people have a serious lack of ability when it comes to motivating themselves to accomplish their goals. Oddly enough, in my experience, these are often the very same people who are absolutely excellent at motivating others. So why is it that some people can be such great cheerleaders for others, but when it comes to inspiring themselves, they fall way short of the target? In a nutshell, I think the problem that most people have with self motivation is very similar to the phenomenon of self tickling. Have you ever tried to tickle yourself? Isn’t it amazing how someone else can barely touch you and you can’t help but laugh, but YOU can’t produce a single giggle when you try to tickle yourself. Sounds strangely similar to self motivation if you ask me.
The dictionary defines self motivation as “The initiative to undertake or continue a task or activity without another’s prodding or supervision.” In learning theory, there are two kinds of motivation: intrinsic (internal) and extrinsic (external) motivation. According to the definition above, self motivation is an example of intrinsic motivation. Those of you who have the ability to self-motivate reap the benefits every day. But many find that trying to muster up self motivation leaves them just as frustrated and unsuccessful as trying to tickle themselves. However, finding the success you dream about, no matter what your goal, is not likely to happen if you don’t find a way to MAKE it happen.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
so, better start tickling yourself. i think self-motivation is a sign of real maturity. you do things without someone or something pushing you. and you take it even further by doing things well, even when no one's watching.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
WHERE YOU CAN BE YOUR OWN BOSS
FIGURE OUT WHERE YOU CAN BE YOUR OWN BOSS
from the article 'How to Tap into What Really Motivates You'
By Daniel H. Pink
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the January 2010 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
Figure Out Where You Can Be Your Own Boss
We come into this world curious and self-directed—just look at any toddler—but we can become passive and inert in mundane situations, like when we're stuck on the low end of the office totem pole or in the cook/housecleaner/chauffeur role at home. Two business school professors, however, found that people in the least-empowered positions can develop a sense of autonomy. They studied the performance of hospital cleaners, and found that those who went beyond doing the minimum job requirements—chatting with patients or helping make nurses' tasks go more smoothly—reported an increase in job satisfaction. By reframing their duties, the janitors helped make their work more fully their own. This isn't just about taking on more responsibilities. It's about exploring what you can do differently to make your role, whatever it is, more interesting. If you reframe "I have to go the grocery store" to "I'm a player in the worldwide supply chain for food"—okay, no one but a nerd like me will do that—but you could choose to see how your choice of eggs can affect a larger system. Or you can make a game of it and see how fast you can get in and out of there. Either way, you're not at the mercy of a to-do list; you've taken control (if only in a small way) of your time, efforts and responsibilities.
MY THOUGHTS
I've always been a believer in 'going the extra mile', doing more than what's expected. That always gives a new meaning to whatever it is your doing. Suddenly the task, no matter how mundane, becomes very important- to you, at least (and that matters a lot!). Somehow, giving your all to a task, gives some sort of imprint on your results. It's like putting your own brand into everything that you do. it's hearing people say - "that's excellent! I'm sure you did it"! - that's going to be one good way to feel motivated.
from the article 'How to Tap into What Really Motivates You'
By Daniel H. Pink
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the January 2010 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
Figure Out Where You Can Be Your Own Boss
We come into this world curious and self-directed—just look at any toddler—but we can become passive and inert in mundane situations, like when we're stuck on the low end of the office totem pole or in the cook/housecleaner/chauffeur role at home. Two business school professors, however, found that people in the least-empowered positions can develop a sense of autonomy. They studied the performance of hospital cleaners, and found that those who went beyond doing the minimum job requirements—chatting with patients or helping make nurses' tasks go more smoothly—reported an increase in job satisfaction. By reframing their duties, the janitors helped make their work more fully their own. This isn't just about taking on more responsibilities. It's about exploring what you can do differently to make your role, whatever it is, more interesting. If you reframe "I have to go the grocery store" to "I'm a player in the worldwide supply chain for food"—okay, no one but a nerd like me will do that—but you could choose to see how your choice of eggs can affect a larger system. Or you can make a game of it and see how fast you can get in and out of there. Either way, you're not at the mercy of a to-do list; you've taken control (if only in a small way) of your time, efforts and responsibilities.
MY THOUGHTS
I've always been a believer in 'going the extra mile', doing more than what's expected. That always gives a new meaning to whatever it is your doing. Suddenly the task, no matter how mundane, becomes very important- to you, at least (and that matters a lot!). Somehow, giving your all to a task, gives some sort of imprint on your results. It's like putting your own brand into everything that you do. it's hearing people say - "that's excellent! I'm sure you did it"! - that's going to be one good way to feel motivated.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
WHO DO YOU RESPECT?
Who Do You Respect?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published February 11, 2011
One of the most precious and intangible tributes that one can receive from another you admire is respect. There are a variety of definitions for this word, but for today’s discussion, let’s use this one: the condition of being esteemed or honored.
Respect is one of those coveted human qualities you can’t buy, borrow or steal because it must be earned. In the most positive sense of this word, respect is acquired through admired and valued behavior.
Today I ask you to consider this beloved human badge of honor from the following angle: Who do you most respect in your life and what does this person consistently do to earn it? Since a great deal of our behavior is modeled after those we have respect for, people we hold in high esteem provide great examples for us to follow.
So who do you most respect and how have they influenced your life?
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
go ahead - think of all those people you respect and ask the question why. go a little farther and look back at the people you used to respect and people you respect now. if you notice some changes, chances are you've changed, too- your outlook, your values, your attitude toward life and people.
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published February 11, 2011
One of the most precious and intangible tributes that one can receive from another you admire is respect. There are a variety of definitions for this word, but for today’s discussion, let’s use this one: the condition of being esteemed or honored.
Respect is one of those coveted human qualities you can’t buy, borrow or steal because it must be earned. In the most positive sense of this word, respect is acquired through admired and valued behavior.
Today I ask you to consider this beloved human badge of honor from the following angle: Who do you most respect in your life and what does this person consistently do to earn it? Since a great deal of our behavior is modeled after those we have respect for, people we hold in high esteem provide great examples for us to follow.
So who do you most respect and how have they influenced your life?
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
go ahead - think of all those people you respect and ask the question why. go a little farther and look back at the people you used to respect and people you respect now. if you notice some changes, chances are you've changed, too- your outlook, your values, your attitude toward life and people.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
What Motivates You? - Discover Your GRIT
WHAT MOTIVATES YOU? : Discover your GRIT
from the article: How to Tap into What Really Motivates You
By Daniel H. Pink
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the January 2010 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
The most effective incentive on the planet? It's not a pile of cash, praise or gold stars. There's a far more powerful motivation, says Daniel H. Pink, the guy who turned Oprah on to the power of right-brain thinking, and he's not talking about denial or punishment, either. Scientists are discovering a far more powerful third drive. To tap into it, you need to develop three things: a sense of mastery, autonomy and purpose. Here's how...
Discover Your Reservoir of Grit
The thirst for mastery is akin to the thirst for water. It keeps the soul alive. So what is the best way to cultivate a sense to accomplishment? An interesting answer recently came from a group of researchers studying new cadets at West Point to understand why some students dropped out. All the recruits were talented, but the successful students shared a certain quality: grit. Everyone has a reservoir of grit, though you can't tap it for a random endeavor. (There's a reason Dara Torres didn't become an accountant. As a kid, she was willing to swim 2000 yards at 5 a.m.—not balance her mom's checkbook.) To figure out where your reservoir of grit is, ask yourself: "What would I do for free?" Or: "What I'd really like to be doing now is ________." The answers point you toward areas where you'll naturally persevere—and improve.
This story is part of O's Live Your Best Year Toolkit
MY THOUGHTS
without looking at the dictionary, i've always associated 'grit' with sand and stones. actually it also means being tough, having courage that is difficult to subdue. in other words, if we want to put a finger to what motivates us, we will have to find out those things were we seem to be unstoppable. something useful that you love doing without being told to do so? and when you do it, you don't feel tired and time seems to just speed by?
from the article: How to Tap into What Really Motivates You
By Daniel H. Pink
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the January 2010 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
The most effective incentive on the planet? It's not a pile of cash, praise or gold stars. There's a far more powerful motivation, says Daniel H. Pink, the guy who turned Oprah on to the power of right-brain thinking, and he's not talking about denial or punishment, either. Scientists are discovering a far more powerful third drive. To tap into it, you need to develop three things: a sense of mastery, autonomy and purpose. Here's how...
Discover Your Reservoir of Grit
The thirst for mastery is akin to the thirst for water. It keeps the soul alive. So what is the best way to cultivate a sense to accomplishment? An interesting answer recently came from a group of researchers studying new cadets at West Point to understand why some students dropped out. All the recruits were talented, but the successful students shared a certain quality: grit. Everyone has a reservoir of grit, though you can't tap it for a random endeavor. (There's a reason Dara Torres didn't become an accountant. As a kid, she was willing to swim 2000 yards at 5 a.m.—not balance her mom's checkbook.) To figure out where your reservoir of grit is, ask yourself: "What would I do for free?" Or: "What I'd really like to be doing now is ________." The answers point you toward areas where you'll naturally persevere—and improve.
This story is part of O's Live Your Best Year Toolkit
MY THOUGHTS
without looking at the dictionary, i've always associated 'grit' with sand and stones. actually it also means being tough, having courage that is difficult to subdue. in other words, if we want to put a finger to what motivates us, we will have to find out those things were we seem to be unstoppable. something useful that you love doing without being told to do so? and when you do it, you don't feel tired and time seems to just speed by?
Friday, February 11, 2011
Thinking Outside the Box
Thinking Outside the Box
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published August 31, 2006
www.lifescript.com
I was talking to a friend the other day when the phrase “thinking outside the box” came up. I’m sure most of you have heard or used that phrase at some time in your life. For those who are unfamiliar, however, the phrase “thinking outside the box” is a euphemism for considering options unthinkable before. When I was in private practice, I used to offer a little riddle to my patients to demonstrate this point. In the spirit of helping you to think outside the box, I offer it to you today.
Now I want you to imagine that you are sitting in a 12 x 12 room with one door and no windows. I want you to further imagine that you are sitting in a chair that is against the wall that is directly opposite the wall with the door. As you sit there, you are asked to exit the room by taking the shortest route. What do you do?
The typical answer to this question is to stand up and walk directly to the door opposite you and exit, which, on the surface, appears to be the only way out. However, the truth is that the shortest way out of that room is to go through the wall behind you. However, since you hold the belief that you “can’t” walk through walls, you don’t even try that route. Now, of course you can’t walk through walls but here’s the point. You tend to not even consider actions that you don’t believe are possible for you. Are you beginning to see where I’m going here? Your beliefs have a tremendous influence on your behavior. And once you box yourself into one specific mindset, you become oblivious to other options also available to you at the time.
The shortest way out of the room challenge was a real eye opener for many of my patients. Even though the shortest way out of the room is to walk through the wall behind you, you don’t even consider that option because you “know” that you can’t do that. There lies the power of thought. Why not make today the day you start thinking outside the box?
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
i like thinking outside the box. i like looking for different ways of doing things. unfortunately,there are people who do not appreciate this. they feel i'm making their lives miserable because i keep on challenging them to 'find ways'. so what! i wouldn't have accomplished certain things if i go by 'practice' or what is 'acceptable' or 'normal'.
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published August 31, 2006
www.lifescript.com
I was talking to a friend the other day when the phrase “thinking outside the box” came up. I’m sure most of you have heard or used that phrase at some time in your life. For those who are unfamiliar, however, the phrase “thinking outside the box” is a euphemism for considering options unthinkable before. When I was in private practice, I used to offer a little riddle to my patients to demonstrate this point. In the spirit of helping you to think outside the box, I offer it to you today.
Now I want you to imagine that you are sitting in a 12 x 12 room with one door and no windows. I want you to further imagine that you are sitting in a chair that is against the wall that is directly opposite the wall with the door. As you sit there, you are asked to exit the room by taking the shortest route. What do you do?
The typical answer to this question is to stand up and walk directly to the door opposite you and exit, which, on the surface, appears to be the only way out. However, the truth is that the shortest way out of that room is to go through the wall behind you. However, since you hold the belief that you “can’t” walk through walls, you don’t even try that route. Now, of course you can’t walk through walls but here’s the point. You tend to not even consider actions that you don’t believe are possible for you. Are you beginning to see where I’m going here? Your beliefs have a tremendous influence on your behavior. And once you box yourself into one specific mindset, you become oblivious to other options also available to you at the time.
The shortest way out of the room challenge was a real eye opener for many of my patients. Even though the shortest way out of the room is to walk through the wall behind you, you don’t even consider that option because you “know” that you can’t do that. There lies the power of thought. Why not make today the day you start thinking outside the box?
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
i like thinking outside the box. i like looking for different ways of doing things. unfortunately,there are people who do not appreciate this. they feel i'm making their lives miserable because i keep on challenging them to 'find ways'. so what! i wouldn't have accomplished certain things if i go by 'practice' or what is 'acceptable' or 'normal'.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Weakness or Greatest Strength?
Weakness or Greatest Strength?
Sometimes your biggest weakness can become your greatest strength. Take, for example, the story of one 10-year-old boy who decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident.
The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn't understand why, after three months of training the master had taught him only one move.
"Sensei," the boy finally said, "Shouldn't I be learning more moves?"
"This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know," the sensei replied. Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.
Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament. Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.
This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened.
"No," the sensei insisted, "Let him continue."
Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament. He was the champion.
On the way home, the boy and sensei reviewed every move in each and every match. Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.
"Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?"
"You won for two reasons," the sensei answered. "First, you've almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo. And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grasp your left arm."
The boy's biggest weakness had become his biggest strength.
Affirmation for the Week:
"I will look for and see my weaknesses, but as I hold them in my mind's eye, I will see them for what they truly are - my greatest strengths."
Have a transforming week!
Mary Rau-Foster
MY THOUGHTS
"jack of all trades master of none"? well, this article says it is best to focus.yes, focus. sometimes we become too eager to try and learn so many things (or maybe required?). then end up being good at all of them but never the best at anything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary's book "Motivating Moments" makes a great gift for you, your family and your friends. This 211 page book, with illustrations, is a guaranteed morale booster, as well as thought provoking and inspirational. To learn more and to order online, visit www.motivatingmomentsbook.com or www.workplaceissues.com/motivatingmomentsbook.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you like the Monday Motivating Moment (MMM), please feel free to forward this email to one or two of your friends and business associates. Thanks so much! If someone forwarded this email to you, you can sign-up for your own free weekly copy at www.workplaceissues.com/mmmotivator.htm
Also, many people post MMM on their bulletin board to share with others. Our website includes an Adobe Acrobat file with a clean, printable version of the Monday Motivating Moment suitable for posting. Go to www.workplaceissues.com/mmmarchives.htm to download your copy.
To view previous issues of the Monday Motivating Moment, see www.workplaceissues.com/mmmarchives.htm
---------------------------------
Copyright 2010 by Mary Rau-Foster. All rights reserved. However, if you find this information helpful, we grant you permission, and strongly encourage you, to print this page and put it on your bulletin board. Thank you.
---------------------------------
If someone forwarded this issue of Monday Motivating Moment to you, why don't you get your own copy by signing up at www.workplaceissues.com/mmmotivator.htm
Sometimes your biggest weakness can become your greatest strength. Take, for example, the story of one 10-year-old boy who decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident.
The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn't understand why, after three months of training the master had taught him only one move.
"Sensei," the boy finally said, "Shouldn't I be learning more moves?"
"This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know," the sensei replied. Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.
Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament. Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.
This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened.
"No," the sensei insisted, "Let him continue."
Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament. He was the champion.
On the way home, the boy and sensei reviewed every move in each and every match. Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.
"Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?"
"You won for two reasons," the sensei answered. "First, you've almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo. And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grasp your left arm."
The boy's biggest weakness had become his biggest strength.
Affirmation for the Week:
"I will look for and see my weaknesses, but as I hold them in my mind's eye, I will see them for what they truly are - my greatest strengths."
Have a transforming week!
Mary Rau-Foster
MY THOUGHTS
"jack of all trades master of none"? well, this article says it is best to focus.yes, focus. sometimes we become too eager to try and learn so many things (or maybe required?). then end up being good at all of them but never the best at anything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary's book "Motivating Moments" makes a great gift for you, your family and your friends. This 211 page book, with illustrations, is a guaranteed morale booster, as well as thought provoking and inspirational. To learn more and to order online, visit www.motivatingmomentsbook.com or www.workplaceissues.com/motivatingmomentsbook.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you like the Monday Motivating Moment (MMM), please feel free to forward this email to one or two of your friends and business associates. Thanks so much! If someone forwarded this email to you, you can sign-up for your own free weekly copy at www.workplaceissues.com/mmmotivator.htm
Also, many people post MMM on their bulletin board to share with others. Our website includes an Adobe Acrobat file with a clean, printable version of the Monday Motivating Moment suitable for posting. Go to www.workplaceissues.com/mmmarchives.htm to download your copy.
To view previous issues of the Monday Motivating Moment, see www.workplaceissues.com/mmmarchives.htm
---------------------------------
Copyright 2010 by Mary Rau-Foster. All rights reserved. However, if you find this information helpful, we grant you permission, and strongly encourage you, to print this page and put it on your bulletin board. Thank you.
---------------------------------
If someone forwarded this issue of Monday Motivating Moment to you, why don't you get your own copy by signing up at www.workplaceissues.com/mmmotivator.htm
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
How To Turn Rejection into Success
How To Turn Rejection into Success
By Geoffrey James | January 10, 2011
The fear of rejection is the bane of success. If rejections scare you, you’ll avoid making the difficult calls and taking the right risks to advance your career. And once the fear of rejection gets its insidious claws into you, it gets worse, creating more failure.
To be really successful (at sales or any other career), you must not just learn to cope with occasional (and even frequent) rejections. You must also learn to turn rejection into a goad that drives you towards ultimate success. This post provides five simple steps to accomplish this.
BTW: This post is largely based upon a discussion with bestselling author Art Mortell. He’s a wonderful person and a powerful speaker. Do not miss the opportunity to see and hear him.
STEP #1: Differentiate between invalid and valid rejection
There are two types of rejections. Valid rejections are when a person doesn’t do what you want because of something that you can change. Invalid rejections are when that “failure” took place because of something completely arbitrary that’s outside of your control.
Here’s an example of an invalid rejection.
Suppose you make a cold call and a prospect hangs up on you. While that’s a textbook definition of “rejection”, the truth is that the prospect’s reaction has nothing to do with you.
What’s actually happened is that you accidentally broke the prospect’s rules. You had no way of knowing that the prospect was busy and that the prospect thinks it’s OK to hang up on unfamiliar callers.
Now, perhaps if you said something different or called at a different time, you might have gotten a different reaction, but that’s just a fiction that you’re making up in your mind. However, if you had called at a different time, the prospect might just as easily have added a expletive before hanging up and then sent a memo directing the company to never buy from you ever again.
There’s no way of knowing. It’s not a valid rejection. It’s just luck.
What’s important here is that the prospect’s reaction really didn’t have anything to do you with personally, because anybody else taking the same action at the same time would have gotten the exact same result. You simply you took an action that didn’t work.
Here’s another example. Suppose a guy is “selling” a woman on the idea that she should go out on a date with him. Talk about the potential for “rejection”!!! Millions of guys live in terror of this situation. Even so, much of the time the anticipated “rejection” is just an illusion.
I was once rather “smitten with” an attractive woman in my martial arts class. However, despite several attempts on my part, she simply would not go out with me. In fact, she seemed offended I had even asked. A classic case of “rejection,” right? I should have been crushed, right?
Not so fast! Since we hung with the same crowd, I began noticing the kind of guys she dated. They were all about 5'6?, dark-eyed, with long dark hair, and played in rock bands. I’m 6'1?, blue-eyed, with short blond hair, and write about business. Under her “rules” for what she found attractive in a potential mate, I wasn’t even in the ballpark.
So where’s the rejection? She had her rules; I didn’t fit those rules. That’s an invalid rejection because there’s nothing I can do to change who I am.
Now, suppose she actually had been the type who wanted to date guys similar to me. And suppose I had asked her out, but due to my awkward approach, she decided to “reject” the idea. That would mean is that my sales approach didn’t match her rules, even though the product met her needs. That’s a valid rejection, because my approach is something that’s within my control.
As soon as you realize that invalid rejections are just luck, most of so-called rejections simply become neutral events and the entire concept starts to lose its sting. With that in mind, here’s the next step…
STEP #2: Understand why you FEEL rejected
Why do you work? Money? Recognition? Achievement? Wrong, wrong, and wrong. All of those reasons are just outward manifestations of your real goal: you want to feel good about yourself.
For example, you think that you work because you want money? Wrong. What you really want is what the money can buy, and I’m not talking about that new Ferrari. I’m talking about the feeling that owning a Ferrari would give you.
No matter what reason you give for being in sales, trace it back, and you’ll eventually get to “it makes me feel good about myself.”
Therefore, rejection “hurts” because there’s something about the situation that makes you feel bad about yourself. To test this theory, imagine the biggest idiot you’ve ever known telling you that you’re stupid. Do you care? No. The “rejection” fails to sting because it doesn’t assault your sense of self. Who cares what that oaf thinks?
Rejection starts to sting as the result of three qualitative and highly subjective factors:
* Frequency. Everyone can deal with some rejection, but how much rejection can you experience before you start taking the negative feedback to heart? How many times can you contact a qualified prospect and get a negative response before you begin to take it personally? In other words, getting told a million times that you’re stupid might make you question your intelligence, even if you didn’t particularly respect the people saying it.
* Emotional Involvement. How emotionally involved can you become with somebody before you feel that the other person might know you so well that criticism hurts? For example, you might be reluctant to close because you’re afraid that your customer might feel “buyer’s remorse” and stop liking you — a form of rejection. In other words, if you like somebody, you’ll tend to feel pretty bad if that person tells you to go take a hike.
* Perceived Importance. As a sales rep, you’re likely to feel most comfortable contacting people who are of a similar (or lower) social class or educational background. However, you might find yourself avoiding people whom you feel are more important than yourself, because their rejection of you might seem to carry more weight or authority.
Understanding why you feel rejected is the first step to removing the “sting.” To do this, you take a different approach, depending on subjective reason that’s behind your feeling of being rejected.
STEP #3: Remove the Sting of Rejection
Now that you know why you feel rejected, your job is to weaken the ability of the “rejection” situation to make you feel bad about it.
* Frequency. To make yourself feel less vulnerable in this area, you must first throw out all the invalid objections (as defined in Step 1). Don’t even count them. They’re nonsense. If you still feel that you’re getting a lot of rejections, then look at the norms for other professionals at your level. If you discover that you’re in the ballpark for everyone else, there’s no particular reason to feel bad about being rejected. If it turns out that you are getting valid rejections more frequently than your peers, then you’ll need to figure out what sales skill is missing or broken in your tool kit, and then work on it. We’ll get to that in STEP 5 of this post.
* Emotional involvement. The cure for this subjective ailment is to value both what you’re offering AND the relationship. If you truly value both, then there is absolutely NO reason why you shouldn’t want your customers to be your true friends. If it turns out a your friend doesn’t want or need your offering, it’s not a rejection of you, but of the need for your offering. Because it’s not about you, stop worrying about it. If it’s just a matter that your friend doesn’t want or need what you’ve got to offer, then you can go ahead and be happy for that friend didn’t buy. That’s what your friend wanted and your offering is still good. And you’re doing what’s right by your friend.
* Perceived importance. The cure for this is simply to believe in yourself. Here’s the honest truth: if you’re offering something that’s crucial to the success or happiness of your customer, you are as important as the biggest bigwig on the planet. Here’s another big truth: most bigwigs are exceedingly average people who’ve stumbled into their success. They’re not Gods Among Men Whose Judgment Must Be Valid. They’re everyday dudes and dudettes, just like you and me. So get some perspective. The opinion of some muckety-muck is just not all that big a deal.
The trick to bulletproofing yourself against rejection is to let people have their own emotions and beliefs, and then simply use whatever happens as either a signal to improve your skills (a valid objection) or a signal to exercise your “so what” mental muscle (an invalid one).
STEP #4: Reframe rejection into your path to success
In sales, the number of rejections you get is directly proportional to how successful you’ll become. It’s true. The people who hit the most home runs are the one who get up to bat the most. As has been pointed out innumerable times, the person with the major league baseball record for being struck out is Reggie Jackson, one of the greatest batters of all time.
At the danger of going from the sublime to the trivial, here’s a story from my own experience. When I first started writing freelance, I needed to sell a book to launch my career. I sent it to numerous editors and agents and got plenty of “rejection letters.” Rather than feeling discouraged, I started each day by laying out the letters on the floor of my kitchen and walking on them like they were stepping stones.
I’d say to myself: “This is what’s going to make me successful, because the more rejections I get, the better deal I’ll get when it happens.” And, sure enough, when I did sell the book, it was too Random House, and it not only launched my career but did much better in the marketplace than I ever dreamed.
Here’s how to do that same kind of thing with selling.
Estimate the number of times you encounter rejection in an average day. (No need to be entirely accurate; go ballpark here.) Now calculate your daily average salary/commission. Now divide the number of rejections per day by your daily salary. Example:
* Number of times you get a valid rejection each day on average: 5
* Your daily salary and commission, on average: $500
* The money you make every time you get “rejected”: $100
Look at that number carefully. That’s how much money goes into your pocket every time you encounter a rejection. The reasoning is simple. If you’re not getting rejected, you’re not selling. So when you do sell, it’s because you’ve been willing to be rejected. The rejections lead to the sales, so you’re being paid to be rejection.
Now take a post-it note and write down the following equation: “REJECTION = MONEY” in big, bold letters with a sharpie! Make two more post-its the same way. Stick one post-it by your phone. Put one where you see it every time you open your briefcase. Put the third in your bathroom where you’ll see it when you get ready for work in the morning.
Yeah, I know that sounds kinda corny, but the technique works because it forces the equation into your subconscious mind. Leave the post-its up until they crinkle up and fall off. Then make new ones. Just do it. Trust me.
STEP #5: Build a plan to hone your sales skills
Congratulations! As you’ve worked through this post, you’ve identified and eliminated the rejections that are meaningless, you’ve figured out why you feel rejected, taken steps to remove the sting of rejection, and turned rejection from a negative into a positive.
Feel better now? I’ll bet. If so, click on the Facebook “like” button at the top of the post!
Thanks.
Now we take everything to the next level. It’s time to build a plan to increase your sales skills.
This is the only way to reduce the number of VALID rejections that you encounter. This blog has plenty of posts that can help you with virtually every aspect of your sales strategy technique and process.
There are plenty of sales training course and sales books you could read, but for now, here is a list of posts that can help you build your own customized sales skill improvement plan:
MY THOUGHTS
this is one good article. even if you're not in sales. on the other hand, who's not in sales? everyday, we get into some sort of selling- we sell things, ideas, opinions. (i'd like to be a seller of dreams!!!) we sell ourselves every time we try to get a good impression. hence, it's impossible for us not to experience rejection. like love, rejection is universal. who hasn't known the pain (and shame) of being turned down? what is not universal is how we rise from the ashes of being rejected. this article says it all. but i have one more (which i think is the best) trick up my sleeve. i try my very best to remind myself to first seek God's counsel before i go and do something (take note,i said "i try". and this is not easy for Type A personalities like me). i pray for God's guidance, knock on His door for my request. and my prayer will always end up with "THY WILL BE DONE". it always helps. well, probably not instantly all the time. but i find i am able to come to terms with rejection knowing that this is God's will and He has something better - for sure. this doesn't mean that i will just throw the rejection into the rejection bin (which can be full at times). the author here is right. absolutely right. mull over the rejection. learn as much as you can.a mistake is not a mistake until you do it again. then get over it.
By Geoffrey James | January 10, 2011
The fear of rejection is the bane of success. If rejections scare you, you’ll avoid making the difficult calls and taking the right risks to advance your career. And once the fear of rejection gets its insidious claws into you, it gets worse, creating more failure.
To be really successful (at sales or any other career), you must not just learn to cope with occasional (and even frequent) rejections. You must also learn to turn rejection into a goad that drives you towards ultimate success. This post provides five simple steps to accomplish this.
BTW: This post is largely based upon a discussion with bestselling author Art Mortell. He’s a wonderful person and a powerful speaker. Do not miss the opportunity to see and hear him.
STEP #1: Differentiate between invalid and valid rejection
There are two types of rejections. Valid rejections are when a person doesn’t do what you want because of something that you can change. Invalid rejections are when that “failure” took place because of something completely arbitrary that’s outside of your control.
Here’s an example of an invalid rejection.
Suppose you make a cold call and a prospect hangs up on you. While that’s a textbook definition of “rejection”, the truth is that the prospect’s reaction has nothing to do with you.
What’s actually happened is that you accidentally broke the prospect’s rules. You had no way of knowing that the prospect was busy and that the prospect thinks it’s OK to hang up on unfamiliar callers.
Now, perhaps if you said something different or called at a different time, you might have gotten a different reaction, but that’s just a fiction that you’re making up in your mind. However, if you had called at a different time, the prospect might just as easily have added a expletive before hanging up and then sent a memo directing the company to never buy from you ever again.
There’s no way of knowing. It’s not a valid rejection. It’s just luck.
What’s important here is that the prospect’s reaction really didn’t have anything to do you with personally, because anybody else taking the same action at the same time would have gotten the exact same result. You simply you took an action that didn’t work.
Here’s another example. Suppose a guy is “selling” a woman on the idea that she should go out on a date with him. Talk about the potential for “rejection”!!! Millions of guys live in terror of this situation. Even so, much of the time the anticipated “rejection” is just an illusion.
I was once rather “smitten with” an attractive woman in my martial arts class. However, despite several attempts on my part, she simply would not go out with me. In fact, she seemed offended I had even asked. A classic case of “rejection,” right? I should have been crushed, right?
Not so fast! Since we hung with the same crowd, I began noticing the kind of guys she dated. They were all about 5'6?, dark-eyed, with long dark hair, and played in rock bands. I’m 6'1?, blue-eyed, with short blond hair, and write about business. Under her “rules” for what she found attractive in a potential mate, I wasn’t even in the ballpark.
So where’s the rejection? She had her rules; I didn’t fit those rules. That’s an invalid rejection because there’s nothing I can do to change who I am.
Now, suppose she actually had been the type who wanted to date guys similar to me. And suppose I had asked her out, but due to my awkward approach, she decided to “reject” the idea. That would mean is that my sales approach didn’t match her rules, even though the product met her needs. That’s a valid rejection, because my approach is something that’s within my control.
As soon as you realize that invalid rejections are just luck, most of so-called rejections simply become neutral events and the entire concept starts to lose its sting. With that in mind, here’s the next step…
STEP #2: Understand why you FEEL rejected
Why do you work? Money? Recognition? Achievement? Wrong, wrong, and wrong. All of those reasons are just outward manifestations of your real goal: you want to feel good about yourself.
For example, you think that you work because you want money? Wrong. What you really want is what the money can buy, and I’m not talking about that new Ferrari. I’m talking about the feeling that owning a Ferrari would give you.
No matter what reason you give for being in sales, trace it back, and you’ll eventually get to “it makes me feel good about myself.”
Therefore, rejection “hurts” because there’s something about the situation that makes you feel bad about yourself. To test this theory, imagine the biggest idiot you’ve ever known telling you that you’re stupid. Do you care? No. The “rejection” fails to sting because it doesn’t assault your sense of self. Who cares what that oaf thinks?
Rejection starts to sting as the result of three qualitative and highly subjective factors:
* Frequency. Everyone can deal with some rejection, but how much rejection can you experience before you start taking the negative feedback to heart? How many times can you contact a qualified prospect and get a negative response before you begin to take it personally? In other words, getting told a million times that you’re stupid might make you question your intelligence, even if you didn’t particularly respect the people saying it.
* Emotional Involvement. How emotionally involved can you become with somebody before you feel that the other person might know you so well that criticism hurts? For example, you might be reluctant to close because you’re afraid that your customer might feel “buyer’s remorse” and stop liking you — a form of rejection. In other words, if you like somebody, you’ll tend to feel pretty bad if that person tells you to go take a hike.
* Perceived Importance. As a sales rep, you’re likely to feel most comfortable contacting people who are of a similar (or lower) social class or educational background. However, you might find yourself avoiding people whom you feel are more important than yourself, because their rejection of you might seem to carry more weight or authority.
Understanding why you feel rejected is the first step to removing the “sting.” To do this, you take a different approach, depending on subjective reason that’s behind your feeling of being rejected.
STEP #3: Remove the Sting of Rejection
Now that you know why you feel rejected, your job is to weaken the ability of the “rejection” situation to make you feel bad about it.
* Frequency. To make yourself feel less vulnerable in this area, you must first throw out all the invalid objections (as defined in Step 1). Don’t even count them. They’re nonsense. If you still feel that you’re getting a lot of rejections, then look at the norms for other professionals at your level. If you discover that you’re in the ballpark for everyone else, there’s no particular reason to feel bad about being rejected. If it turns out that you are getting valid rejections more frequently than your peers, then you’ll need to figure out what sales skill is missing or broken in your tool kit, and then work on it. We’ll get to that in STEP 5 of this post.
* Emotional involvement. The cure for this subjective ailment is to value both what you’re offering AND the relationship. If you truly value both, then there is absolutely NO reason why you shouldn’t want your customers to be your true friends. If it turns out a your friend doesn’t want or need your offering, it’s not a rejection of you, but of the need for your offering. Because it’s not about you, stop worrying about it. If it’s just a matter that your friend doesn’t want or need what you’ve got to offer, then you can go ahead and be happy for that friend didn’t buy. That’s what your friend wanted and your offering is still good. And you’re doing what’s right by your friend.
* Perceived importance. The cure for this is simply to believe in yourself. Here’s the honest truth: if you’re offering something that’s crucial to the success or happiness of your customer, you are as important as the biggest bigwig on the planet. Here’s another big truth: most bigwigs are exceedingly average people who’ve stumbled into their success. They’re not Gods Among Men Whose Judgment Must Be Valid. They’re everyday dudes and dudettes, just like you and me. So get some perspective. The opinion of some muckety-muck is just not all that big a deal.
The trick to bulletproofing yourself against rejection is to let people have their own emotions and beliefs, and then simply use whatever happens as either a signal to improve your skills (a valid objection) or a signal to exercise your “so what” mental muscle (an invalid one).
STEP #4: Reframe rejection into your path to success
In sales, the number of rejections you get is directly proportional to how successful you’ll become. It’s true. The people who hit the most home runs are the one who get up to bat the most. As has been pointed out innumerable times, the person with the major league baseball record for being struck out is Reggie Jackson, one of the greatest batters of all time.
At the danger of going from the sublime to the trivial, here’s a story from my own experience. When I first started writing freelance, I needed to sell a book to launch my career. I sent it to numerous editors and agents and got plenty of “rejection letters.” Rather than feeling discouraged, I started each day by laying out the letters on the floor of my kitchen and walking on them like they were stepping stones.
I’d say to myself: “This is what’s going to make me successful, because the more rejections I get, the better deal I’ll get when it happens.” And, sure enough, when I did sell the book, it was too Random House, and it not only launched my career but did much better in the marketplace than I ever dreamed.
Here’s how to do that same kind of thing with selling.
Estimate the number of times you encounter rejection in an average day. (No need to be entirely accurate; go ballpark here.) Now calculate your daily average salary/commission. Now divide the number of rejections per day by your daily salary. Example:
* Number of times you get a valid rejection each day on average: 5
* Your daily salary and commission, on average: $500
* The money you make every time you get “rejected”: $100
Look at that number carefully. That’s how much money goes into your pocket every time you encounter a rejection. The reasoning is simple. If you’re not getting rejected, you’re not selling. So when you do sell, it’s because you’ve been willing to be rejected. The rejections lead to the sales, so you’re being paid to be rejection.
Now take a post-it note and write down the following equation: “REJECTION = MONEY” in big, bold letters with a sharpie! Make two more post-its the same way. Stick one post-it by your phone. Put one where you see it every time you open your briefcase. Put the third in your bathroom where you’ll see it when you get ready for work in the morning.
Yeah, I know that sounds kinda corny, but the technique works because it forces the equation into your subconscious mind. Leave the post-its up until they crinkle up and fall off. Then make new ones. Just do it. Trust me.
STEP #5: Build a plan to hone your sales skills
Congratulations! As you’ve worked through this post, you’ve identified and eliminated the rejections that are meaningless, you’ve figured out why you feel rejected, taken steps to remove the sting of rejection, and turned rejection from a negative into a positive.
Feel better now? I’ll bet. If so, click on the Facebook “like” button at the top of the post!
Thanks.
Now we take everything to the next level. It’s time to build a plan to increase your sales skills.
This is the only way to reduce the number of VALID rejections that you encounter. This blog has plenty of posts that can help you with virtually every aspect of your sales strategy technique and process.
There are plenty of sales training course and sales books you could read, but for now, here is a list of posts that can help you build your own customized sales skill improvement plan:
MY THOUGHTS
this is one good article. even if you're not in sales. on the other hand, who's not in sales? everyday, we get into some sort of selling- we sell things, ideas, opinions. (i'd like to be a seller of dreams!!!) we sell ourselves every time we try to get a good impression. hence, it's impossible for us not to experience rejection. like love, rejection is universal. who hasn't known the pain (and shame) of being turned down? what is not universal is how we rise from the ashes of being rejected. this article says it all. but i have one more (which i think is the best) trick up my sleeve. i try my very best to remind myself to first seek God's counsel before i go and do something (take note,i said "i try". and this is not easy for Type A personalities like me). i pray for God's guidance, knock on His door for my request. and my prayer will always end up with "THY WILL BE DONE". it always helps. well, probably not instantly all the time. but i find i am able to come to terms with rejection knowing that this is God's will and He has something better - for sure. this doesn't mean that i will just throw the rejection into the rejection bin (which can be full at times). the author here is right. absolutely right. mull over the rejection. learn as much as you can.a mistake is not a mistake until you do it again. then get over it.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Optimists vs. Pessimists
The Differences Between Optimists and Pessimists
What's the Explanatory Style of an Optimist?
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide
Updated May 08, 2008
About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board
'Explanatory Style' Explained
‘Explanatory style’ or ‘attributional style’ refers to how people explain the events of their lives. There are three facets of how people can explain a situation. This can influence whether they lean toward being optimists or pessimists:
Stable vs. Unstable: Can time change things, or do things stay the same regardless of time?
Global vs. Local: Is a situation a reflection of just one part of your life, or your life as a whole?
Internal vs. External: Do you feel events are caused by you or by an outside force?
Realists see things relatively clearly, but most of us aren’t realists. Most of us, to a degree, attribute the events in our lives optimistically or pessimistically. The pattern looks like this:
Optimists
Optimists explain positive events as having happened because of them (internal). They also see them as evidence that more positive things will happen in the future (stable), and in other areas of their lives (global). Conversely, they see negative events as not being their fault (external). They also see them as being flukes (isolated) that have nothing to do with other areas of their lives or future events (local).
For example, if an optimist gets a promotion, she will likely believe it’s because she’s good at her job and will receive more benefits and promotion in the future. If she’s passed over for the promotion, it’s likely because she was having an off-month because of extenuating circumstances, but will do better in the future.
Pessimists
Pessimists think in the opposite way. They believe that negative events are caused by them (internal). They believe that one mistake means more will come (stable), and mistakes in other areas of life are inevitable (global), because they are the cause. They see positive events as flukes (local) that are caused by things outside their control (external) and probably won’t happen again (unstable).
A pessimist would see a promotion as a lucky event that probably won’t happen again, and may even worry that she’ll now be under more scrutiny. Being passed over for promotion would probably be explained as not being skilled enough. She'd therefore expect to be passed over again.
What This Means
Understandably, if you’re an optimist, this bodes well for your future. Negative events are more likely to roll off of your back, but positive events affirm your belief in yourself, your ability to make good things happen now and in the future, and in the goodness of life.
Fortunately for pessimists and realists, these patterns of thinking can be learned to a degree (though we tend to be mostly predisposed to our patterns of thinking.) Using a practice called ‘cognitive restructuring,' you can help yourself and others become more optimistic by consciously challenging negative, self-limiting thinking and replacing it with more optimistic thought patterns.
Sources:
The Institute for Health and Human Potential.
Rich Dad, Poor Dad, Robert Kiyosaki, The Positive Psychology Center
MY THOUGHTS
i've always thought of myself as an optimist. now,i wonder. this article has some serious points that requires pondering. stress, apparently can stem from our perspective - are we optimistic or pessimistic? the more positive we are, the less stress we will have. if we view events in our lives negatively, stress will always be at our doors. the challenge, is therefore, in how we can change the way we look at things. not always easy. but it can be done.
What's the Explanatory Style of an Optimist?
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide
Updated May 08, 2008
About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board
'Explanatory Style' Explained
‘Explanatory style’ or ‘attributional style’ refers to how people explain the events of their lives. There are three facets of how people can explain a situation. This can influence whether they lean toward being optimists or pessimists:
Stable vs. Unstable: Can time change things, or do things stay the same regardless of time?
Global vs. Local: Is a situation a reflection of just one part of your life, or your life as a whole?
Internal vs. External: Do you feel events are caused by you or by an outside force?
Realists see things relatively clearly, but most of us aren’t realists. Most of us, to a degree, attribute the events in our lives optimistically or pessimistically. The pattern looks like this:
Optimists
Optimists explain positive events as having happened because of them (internal). They also see them as evidence that more positive things will happen in the future (stable), and in other areas of their lives (global). Conversely, they see negative events as not being their fault (external). They also see them as being flukes (isolated) that have nothing to do with other areas of their lives or future events (local).
For example, if an optimist gets a promotion, she will likely believe it’s because she’s good at her job and will receive more benefits and promotion in the future. If she’s passed over for the promotion, it’s likely because she was having an off-month because of extenuating circumstances, but will do better in the future.
Pessimists
Pessimists think in the opposite way. They believe that negative events are caused by them (internal). They believe that one mistake means more will come (stable), and mistakes in other areas of life are inevitable (global), because they are the cause. They see positive events as flukes (local) that are caused by things outside their control (external) and probably won’t happen again (unstable).
A pessimist would see a promotion as a lucky event that probably won’t happen again, and may even worry that she’ll now be under more scrutiny. Being passed over for promotion would probably be explained as not being skilled enough. She'd therefore expect to be passed over again.
What This Means
Understandably, if you’re an optimist, this bodes well for your future. Negative events are more likely to roll off of your back, but positive events affirm your belief in yourself, your ability to make good things happen now and in the future, and in the goodness of life.
Fortunately for pessimists and realists, these patterns of thinking can be learned to a degree (though we tend to be mostly predisposed to our patterns of thinking.) Using a practice called ‘cognitive restructuring,' you can help yourself and others become more optimistic by consciously challenging negative, self-limiting thinking and replacing it with more optimistic thought patterns.
Sources:
The Institute for Health and Human Potential.
Rich Dad, Poor Dad, Robert Kiyosaki, The Positive Psychology Center
MY THOUGHTS
i've always thought of myself as an optimist. now,i wonder. this article has some serious points that requires pondering. stress, apparently can stem from our perspective - are we optimistic or pessimistic? the more positive we are, the less stress we will have. if we view events in our lives negatively, stress will always be at our doors. the challenge, is therefore, in how we can change the way we look at things. not always easy. but it can be done.
Friday, December 31, 2010
An Ocean Voyage Called Life
An Ocean Voyage Called Life
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published December 29, 2010
Life is a lot like an ocean voyage. We all have a journey ahead of us as we enter this world, but the journey called "Life" is different for everyone. When all is said and done, the twists and turns of your life are intimately tied to the actions you take and decisions you make. In a sense, we each get to choose the kind of journey we take. And we all have storms to endure that test our skills and threaten to sink our ships. Some of you find that your ships capsize easily during emotional storms. Others find a way to stay on board and keep their boats afloat no matter what challenges the seas of life present. It’s true that some seem to encounter more storms than others, but none of us can escape these storms entirely.
Sometimes these storms are predicted and you have time to prepare. For example, when you’ve been given notice that your job will be eliminated. However, other times these storms arise suddenly, like with accidents and illness. Nevertheless, the key to surviving these storms and maintaining your bearings is to keep a level head. Regardless of how often you find yourself in one of these battles, how you respond will determine the extent of the damage you incur. So the next time you feel the choppy waters of life churning, hunker down and persevere! These are more than just mere storms; they are also opportunities for you to gather strength, hone your battle skills and create character!
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
well put. some may think nothing is new in this article. what caught my attention is the phrase "intimately tied" to our actions and decisions. it's a cop out to think that what happens to us is fate. that way we don't need to take responsibility for our actions. but God gave us the wisdom to make choices, to decide on which path to take. it's not God's intention for us to simply wait for His plans to be realized. His intention is for us to journey with Him and be the person He wants us to be. how long and how stormy the journey would be depends on how closely we journey with him. the "straight path" is truly the "path less chosen". it's easier to be crooked. there are no rules. no standards. you feel free. and yet it's the crookedness of life that makes us prisoners. and the true freedom we want can only be reached if we journey through the "straight" path. for sure there will be "choppy waters" here and there. but remember, with God you never journey on your own. you are the captain of your own ship. but you use God's map. even if you get lost. you will be found.
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published December 29, 2010
Life is a lot like an ocean voyage. We all have a journey ahead of us as we enter this world, but the journey called "Life" is different for everyone. When all is said and done, the twists and turns of your life are intimately tied to the actions you take and decisions you make. In a sense, we each get to choose the kind of journey we take. And we all have storms to endure that test our skills and threaten to sink our ships. Some of you find that your ships capsize easily during emotional storms. Others find a way to stay on board and keep their boats afloat no matter what challenges the seas of life present. It’s true that some seem to encounter more storms than others, but none of us can escape these storms entirely.
Sometimes these storms are predicted and you have time to prepare. For example, when you’ve been given notice that your job will be eliminated. However, other times these storms arise suddenly, like with accidents and illness. Nevertheless, the key to surviving these storms and maintaining your bearings is to keep a level head. Regardless of how often you find yourself in one of these battles, how you respond will determine the extent of the damage you incur. So the next time you feel the choppy waters of life churning, hunker down and persevere! These are more than just mere storms; they are also opportunities for you to gather strength, hone your battle skills and create character!
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
well put. some may think nothing is new in this article. what caught my attention is the phrase "intimately tied" to our actions and decisions. it's a cop out to think that what happens to us is fate. that way we don't need to take responsibility for our actions. but God gave us the wisdom to make choices, to decide on which path to take. it's not God's intention for us to simply wait for His plans to be realized. His intention is for us to journey with Him and be the person He wants us to be. how long and how stormy the journey would be depends on how closely we journey with him. the "straight path" is truly the "path less chosen". it's easier to be crooked. there are no rules. no standards. you feel free. and yet it's the crookedness of life that makes us prisoners. and the true freedom we want can only be reached if we journey through the "straight" path. for sure there will be "choppy waters" here and there. but remember, with God you never journey on your own. you are the captain of your own ship. but you use God's map. even if you get lost. you will be found.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Learning from our Failures
A Lesson Learned
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published December 27, 2010
I said something to a friend that seemed to jump out of my mouth without any conscious thought. He was telling me about his failure on a project he was working on, and said that he learned a lot in the process, but it turned out to be a big waste of his time. My response: “A lesson learned is never time wasted.”
That phrase is also applicable to you. Often, when people come up short of reaching their goal, they feel like a failure. In my opinion, nothing could be further from the truth, particularly if you’ve learned something important along the way. When you find yourself feeling disappointed or emotionally devastated because you didn’t reach a targeted goal, don’t just feel the pain and disappointment from it… learn from it! Failure is often the precursor of success, and as I told my friend, a lesson learned is never time wasted.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
that could be the hardest part about failing. sometimes we avoid the lessons. because learning means changing. it means going against your grain. it means doing something you've never done before. we don't want to learn because it's so much easier to be "just the way we are".
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published December 27, 2010
I said something to a friend that seemed to jump out of my mouth without any conscious thought. He was telling me about his failure on a project he was working on, and said that he learned a lot in the process, but it turned out to be a big waste of his time. My response: “A lesson learned is never time wasted.”
That phrase is also applicable to you. Often, when people come up short of reaching their goal, they feel like a failure. In my opinion, nothing could be further from the truth, particularly if you’ve learned something important along the way. When you find yourself feeling disappointed or emotionally devastated because you didn’t reach a targeted goal, don’t just feel the pain and disappointment from it… learn from it! Failure is often the precursor of success, and as I told my friend, a lesson learned is never time wasted.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
that could be the hardest part about failing. sometimes we avoid the lessons. because learning means changing. it means going against your grain. it means doing something you've never done before. we don't want to learn because it's so much easier to be "just the way we are".
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Driver or Passenger?
Driver or Passenger?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published December 14, 2010
When you boil it all down, there are basically two types of people in this world: drivers and passengers. The drivers take charge, grab the helm and take on a leadership role during periods of crisis. The passengers take direction well, excel in working closely with others and get the job done.
Even though we all exhibit both of these behaviors at times, you’re typically and consistently more one than the other. Today I ask you to consider this concept and think about the following question: When it comes to matters in your life, do you take on the role of the driver or passenger?
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
in my life, i'm a driver most definitely. especially when no one else is taking the wheel. but once in a while, it feels good to let someone else do the driving. there's also a lot to learn from being the passenger. what i know about driving i didn't just learn on my own. i become a better driver when i remind myself of how it feels to be a passenger. but of course, i drive only up to certain point. and i try hard to use the map of the greatest driver of all. God is the one who's supposed to drive my life. and for as long as i'm in tune with Him, even if i get lost, for sure, he'll direct me to the right path.
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published December 14, 2010
When you boil it all down, there are basically two types of people in this world: drivers and passengers. The drivers take charge, grab the helm and take on a leadership role during periods of crisis. The passengers take direction well, excel in working closely with others and get the job done.
Even though we all exhibit both of these behaviors at times, you’re typically and consistently more one than the other. Today I ask you to consider this concept and think about the following question: When it comes to matters in your life, do you take on the role of the driver or passenger?
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
in my life, i'm a driver most definitely. especially when no one else is taking the wheel. but once in a while, it feels good to let someone else do the driving. there's also a lot to learn from being the passenger. what i know about driving i didn't just learn on my own. i become a better driver when i remind myself of how it feels to be a passenger. but of course, i drive only up to certain point. and i try hard to use the map of the greatest driver of all. God is the one who's supposed to drive my life. and for as long as i'm in tune with Him, even if i get lost, for sure, he'll direct me to the right path.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
The New Job Security
Ask yourself what you can do for the company
Candidates should stop chasing job ads and start marketing themselves to employers: author
By Kim Covert, Postmedia News October 16, 2010
People don't create job openings, problems do. And if you can market yourself as the solution to a problem, chances are you'll be able to create a job where there wasn't one before.
Welcome to the new job security: creating your own job opportunities. And that means, however counterintuitive it might sound, that your job search isn't about you.
That's a major message in the revised edition of The New Job Security: The 5 best strategies for taking control of your career.
Author Pam Lassiter says the art of the job search has changed dramatically since she originally published the book in 2002.
"Technology is the obvious answer, but it's not just technology, it's how our communication patterns change, too. So we're shifting as people -how we talk, how much time we want to spend thinking about something, how much bandwidth people get from us when we want to talk to them. It's affecting career change as well."
That's why No. 3 on her list of five strategies for taking control of your career is to stop looking for a job.
"We could lower the unemployment rate if people didn't chase job openings as actively," says Lassiter during a phone interview from Massachusetts. The unemployment rate is higher in the U.S. than in Canada and the economic situation there more dire, but the principle holds north of the border as well -applying to advertised job openings is a sort of masochism.
"People are desperate for work, they sit in front of their computers during the day, they will fire off 100 responses to job openings, feel like they have worked really hard, but in reality they're not going to get responses to hardly any of them," says Lassiter.
"That's the sad part. There's a three per cent interview rate for responses to help-wanted ads. Three."
(That statistic also holds true for those in the dating world, Lassiter says with a laugh -- and some authority.)
If you're one of those poor shmoes still looking at the job boards and help-wanted listings, don't kick yourself too hard -professionals above your pay scale are doing that, too.
"We think that because it is posted that it's a real ad and people are paying attention to us on the other side.
"And on the other side, if a person is getting 1,000 responses to an ad, which isn't unusual, the odds of your being found are slim-to-none."
The majority of jobs these days are found through networking, says Lassiter, but not all networking strategies are created equal.
"People are typically running after their friends and sometimes the best connections they have saying, 'I need a job, I just got laid off -it's all about me'," says Lassiter. "There are two fallacies there, basically. Chasing specific job openings and playing on the sympathy or 'it's all about me.'"
The secret to finding the job you want is to identify the company you want to work for, identify a problem within that company that you can help fix, and then use your network to get your foot in the door. Don't use up your best connections too early and, just like in dating, try not to appear too desperate.
"I try to get people to think about what business challenge might they have some ideas about and following the problems to be solved and not the job openings," says Lassiter, who advises not ignoring job ads altogether, but greatly reducing the time spent chasing them down.
Lassiter's advice is based on marketing strategy. People looking for a job should consider themselves as the product, and potential employers as the consumers. And just like any successful product, you have to be able to sell yourself as something the consumer needs --and recognizes. You need to be able to talk your target industry's talk and walk its walk.
- - -
BEST STRATEGIES
According to Pam Lassiter, who has just published a revised edition of her book The New Job Security: The 5 best strategies for taking control of your career, the way we search for jobs has changed radically.
Lassiter says the five keys to a successful job search are:
1. Send clear signals -- Develop a plan for your job search and then follow it.
2. Market for mutual benefit -- Telling a company you have an idea for increasing profitability makes you a more attractive interview than the person petitioning for a job.
3. Stop looking for jobs -- Chasing down and answering job ads is a sad and unfruitful exercise, says Lassiter. "The number of approved openings is finite. The number of problems to be solved is infinite."
4. Build sustainable networks -- Build a network that can and will help you over the long term.
5. Negotiate in round rooms -- Don't get backed into a corner. "Negotiating strategies are simple and often require only that you use the right vocabulary at the right time," writes Lassiter.
Read more: http://www.vancouversun.com/business/yourself+what+company/3682513/story.html#ixzz12rcBCHHH
MY THOUGHTS
that's a staggering, depressing figure - 3% chance of getting an interview!!!i do agree that having the right connect is key. if you are marketable. even if you're a friend of the country's president, you won't get referred if you have nothing going for you. the best thing todo when out of ajob is to keep active. get as much and learn as much as you can from all the free time you have.
Candidates should stop chasing job ads and start marketing themselves to employers: author
By Kim Covert, Postmedia News October 16, 2010
People don't create job openings, problems do. And if you can market yourself as the solution to a problem, chances are you'll be able to create a job where there wasn't one before.
Welcome to the new job security: creating your own job opportunities. And that means, however counterintuitive it might sound, that your job search isn't about you.
That's a major message in the revised edition of The New Job Security: The 5 best strategies for taking control of your career.
Author Pam Lassiter says the art of the job search has changed dramatically since she originally published the book in 2002.
"Technology is the obvious answer, but it's not just technology, it's how our communication patterns change, too. So we're shifting as people -how we talk, how much time we want to spend thinking about something, how much bandwidth people get from us when we want to talk to them. It's affecting career change as well."
That's why No. 3 on her list of five strategies for taking control of your career is to stop looking for a job.
"We could lower the unemployment rate if people didn't chase job openings as actively," says Lassiter during a phone interview from Massachusetts. The unemployment rate is higher in the U.S. than in Canada and the economic situation there more dire, but the principle holds north of the border as well -applying to advertised job openings is a sort of masochism.
"People are desperate for work, they sit in front of their computers during the day, they will fire off 100 responses to job openings, feel like they have worked really hard, but in reality they're not going to get responses to hardly any of them," says Lassiter.
"That's the sad part. There's a three per cent interview rate for responses to help-wanted ads. Three."
(That statistic also holds true for those in the dating world, Lassiter says with a laugh -- and some authority.)
If you're one of those poor shmoes still looking at the job boards and help-wanted listings, don't kick yourself too hard -professionals above your pay scale are doing that, too.
"We think that because it is posted that it's a real ad and people are paying attention to us on the other side.
"And on the other side, if a person is getting 1,000 responses to an ad, which isn't unusual, the odds of your being found are slim-to-none."
The majority of jobs these days are found through networking, says Lassiter, but not all networking strategies are created equal.
"People are typically running after their friends and sometimes the best connections they have saying, 'I need a job, I just got laid off -it's all about me'," says Lassiter. "There are two fallacies there, basically. Chasing specific job openings and playing on the sympathy or 'it's all about me.'"
The secret to finding the job you want is to identify the company you want to work for, identify a problem within that company that you can help fix, and then use your network to get your foot in the door. Don't use up your best connections too early and, just like in dating, try not to appear too desperate.
"I try to get people to think about what business challenge might they have some ideas about and following the problems to be solved and not the job openings," says Lassiter, who advises not ignoring job ads altogether, but greatly reducing the time spent chasing them down.
Lassiter's advice is based on marketing strategy. People looking for a job should consider themselves as the product, and potential employers as the consumers. And just like any successful product, you have to be able to sell yourself as something the consumer needs --and recognizes. You need to be able to talk your target industry's talk and walk its walk.
- - -
BEST STRATEGIES
According to Pam Lassiter, who has just published a revised edition of her book The New Job Security: The 5 best strategies for taking control of your career, the way we search for jobs has changed radically.
Lassiter says the five keys to a successful job search are:
1. Send clear signals -- Develop a plan for your job search and then follow it.
2. Market for mutual benefit -- Telling a company you have an idea for increasing profitability makes you a more attractive interview than the person petitioning for a job.
3. Stop looking for jobs -- Chasing down and answering job ads is a sad and unfruitful exercise, says Lassiter. "The number of approved openings is finite. The number of problems to be solved is infinite."
4. Build sustainable networks -- Build a network that can and will help you over the long term.
5. Negotiate in round rooms -- Don't get backed into a corner. "Negotiating strategies are simple and often require only that you use the right vocabulary at the right time," writes Lassiter.
Read more: http://www.vancouversun.com/business/yourself+what+company/3682513/story.html#ixzz12rcBCHHH
MY THOUGHTS
that's a staggering, depressing figure - 3% chance of getting an interview!!!i do agree that having the right connect is key. if you are marketable. even if you're a friend of the country's president, you won't get referred if you have nothing going for you. the best thing todo when out of ajob is to keep active. get as much and learn as much as you can from all the free time you have.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Time Management Isn't Just for Crises
Time Management Isn't Just for Crises
By Jessica Stillman | July 14, 2010
Time management is a lot like studying if a new post up Time Management Ninja is to be believed. Just like preparing for a test, there are two ways to approach time management. The first is the rough equivalent of cramming for the test. In this model you wait for obligations to pile up and then when panic starts to kick in you pull out all your best time management practices to cope with the onslaught. Like cramming, this tends not to work.
What works better? According to TMN, the answer is the same as it in the academic world — a steady pull. Rather than turning off and on your time management A-game to suit the circumstances, the blog suggests you have an always-on approach to managing your work and offers several reasons this approach works better.
The Steady Pull. An even steady pull is much easier to bear and allows you to be more productive. Starting and stopping your productivity efforts only creates more work for yourself.
Habits vs. Extra Effort. If you make time management part of your habits, the effort disappears and time management simply becomes part of your lifestyle. If you try to “turn it on” only once in a while, it becomes an extra effort that you must bear.
It is a Skill. Time management is a skill that you must hone just like any other. It takes practice and experience like other skills and activities. The more you do it, the better you will be at it.
Myth of the Crisis. People tend to think they only need time management in a jam. But, the truth is that you need it just as much when you are not in a crisis. It is proactive action that prevents the problems in the first place.
All of this advice makes plenty of sense, but I also see a flip side. Turning off for a weekend or the odd day here or there might not make logical sense if humans were machines, but we’re not (not most of us anyway). A nice stretch of slacking may not be good for your email inbox, but couldn’t it do wonders for your energy level and creativity when you’re burnt out and need a fresh perspective?
MY THOUGHTS
i'm a crammer. i seem to work best when under pressure. crises seem to come with the package when deadlines are far far off, it's difficult to get things done. however, this won't work when there are other people whose tasks are intertwined with mine. i need to plan and manage my time.
By Jessica Stillman | July 14, 2010
Time management is a lot like studying if a new post up Time Management Ninja is to be believed. Just like preparing for a test, there are two ways to approach time management. The first is the rough equivalent of cramming for the test. In this model you wait for obligations to pile up and then when panic starts to kick in you pull out all your best time management practices to cope with the onslaught. Like cramming, this tends not to work.
What works better? According to TMN, the answer is the same as it in the academic world — a steady pull. Rather than turning off and on your time management A-game to suit the circumstances, the blog suggests you have an always-on approach to managing your work and offers several reasons this approach works better.
The Steady Pull. An even steady pull is much easier to bear and allows you to be more productive. Starting and stopping your productivity efforts only creates more work for yourself.
Habits vs. Extra Effort. If you make time management part of your habits, the effort disappears and time management simply becomes part of your lifestyle. If you try to “turn it on” only once in a while, it becomes an extra effort that you must bear.
It is a Skill. Time management is a skill that you must hone just like any other. It takes practice and experience like other skills and activities. The more you do it, the better you will be at it.
Myth of the Crisis. People tend to think they only need time management in a jam. But, the truth is that you need it just as much when you are not in a crisis. It is proactive action that prevents the problems in the first place.
All of this advice makes plenty of sense, but I also see a flip side. Turning off for a weekend or the odd day here or there might not make logical sense if humans were machines, but we’re not (not most of us anyway). A nice stretch of slacking may not be good for your email inbox, but couldn’t it do wonders for your energy level and creativity when you’re burnt out and need a fresh perspective?
MY THOUGHTS
i'm a crammer. i seem to work best when under pressure. crises seem to come with the package when deadlines are far far off, it's difficult to get things done. however, this won't work when there are other people whose tasks are intertwined with mine. i need to plan and manage my time.
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