Do you Make Peace or Create Trouble?

BoSanchez.ph

Practical Soulfood For Successful People

• Click My Nose Above to Read My Blog

Be Flexible, Foolish, & Funny…

I just came from a vacation.

And I have jet lag.

       When you move from one time zone to another time zone, it’s a killer. I got sleepy all the time. I felt sleepy at 8am, at 11am, at 6pm, at 8pm. And then when it was time to sleep at 10pm, I was totally awake. After tossing and turning in bed, I finally slept at 1am, only to wake up at 3am, totally awake again. It was nuts.

       Why did this happen?  

Because though I’ve moved to a new time zone, my body was still operating in the old time zone.

       It’s the same with your life journey. 

You’re moving from one spiritual zone to another. From a Doubt Zone to a Faith Zone. From a Scarcity Zone to an Abundance Zone.  From an Impurity Zone to Purity Zone. From a Selfishness Zone to Selflessness Zone.

       But because you’re moving from one zone to another, you’re also experiencing a “lag”.

       Sometimes, you’re patient. Sometimes, you blow your top. 

Sometimes, you have it all together. Sometimes, you fall. 

Sometimes, you walk straight. Sometimes, you stumble.

Sometimes, you act in love. Sometimes, you act indifferently.

I have a simple message for you: Don’t be too hard on yourself.

       Don’t condemn yourself. Or you’ll get worse. You’ll be trapped.

       God forgives you. God understands that you’re moving in the right direction; you’re just experiencing a lag. And He says, “Don’t be too hard on yourself. Get up. Stand up again. And move on.”

Hold that thought for awhile because I’ll get back to it later. It’ll be very crucial when you decide to be a Peacemaker…

Two More Strategies To Be A Peacemaker

Last week, you learned two very important strategies on how to avoid unnecessary conflicts from your life: First, be faithful. That means making constant deposits in the emotional bank account of the people in your relationships. Second, be forbearing. That means accepting the weaknesses of others.

Today, I’d like to give you two more strategies, plus one Bonus strategy.

       Here they are…

3. Be Flexible

       Let me tell you one of my most favorite quotes. It’s from St. Augustine, written some 1600 years ago. He said, “In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity.”

       I love that quote. 

If you follow it, you’ll avoid many unnecessary conflicts.

       There are two kinds of conflicts: (1) Conflicts of Principle and (2) Conflicts of Preference.

I’ve realized that most of our Conflicts are Conflicts of Preference, pretending to be Conflicts of Principle. It’s just our self-centeredness and pride that’s causing the conflict.

Think about it.  Why fight over preferences and non-essentials that don’t matter after 6 months? Or after 1 year? Or after 5 years?

       Be flexible when it comes to your preferences.

Should Wives Submit To Their Husbands?

       One day, a man came up to me and said, “Brother Bo, please tell my wife to follow the Bible. The reason why we fight a lot is because she doesn’t follow the Bible’s verse that says, ‘Wives, submit to your husbands.’”

       He didn’t know that his wife was right behind him. She stood beside him and said, “Do you know why my husband and I fight a lot? Because my husband doesn’t follow the Bible verse after that verse. It says, ‘Husbands, love your wives the way Christ loved the church.’”

I laughed. She was right. 

How did Christ love the church? He died for her.

I’ve been reflecting on my marriage, and I really thank God I have a phenomenal marriage.

Why? My wife submits to me when it comes to Conflicts of Principle.  But because I want to die for her, I submit to her when it comes to Conflicts of Preference. 

Lucky for her (and unlucky for me), 99% of the time, life is about Preferences! So 99% of the time, I submit to her.

       Don’t get me wrong.

I always tell her my preferences…

Express Your Preferences,

But Don’t Fight Over Them

In fact, because I take my role as leader in the family very seriously, I plan for the family. Where to go. What to do. Obviously, I already weave in my preferences in the plans that I make.

In fact, I tell this often to single men: When you’re courting a woman, she is attracted to leadership.

I’m saying this because you may get the wrong idea that to be a peacemaker, you have to be like jello. “Darling, whatever you want, that’s what I want too.”

I tell single men to be a leader in the courtship process. 

Believe me, many women are frustrated because their men don’t know how to lead. 

Here’s a typical conversation women complain about.

Guy: “Where do you want to eat tonight?”

Girl: “You haven’t planned for it yet?”

Guy: “No, I want to go where you want to go.”

Girl: “You decide.”

Guy: “No, you decide.”

Girl: “It’s up to you…”

(Repeat 86 times.)

Guys, you’ve got to lead.

Here’s a better scenario. Express your preferences. Be a leader.

Guy:       “I know you like Italian, so I’m bringing you to this nice Italian restaurant I found in Makati that serves the best pasta. You’ll love their Aglio e Olio.”

Girl:        “Okay. Let’s try it.”

Guy:       “After that, let’s watch a movie. The actor that looks exactly like me has a new movie out now…”

Girl: “And who is that?” (raising her eyebrow)

Guy:       “John Lloyd. I’m a little bit hurt that you had to ask. Isn’t it obvious?” (fake hurt look)

But let’s say after he says “Italian”, she says…

Girl: “I’m not in the mood for Italian. Can we go Japanese instead?”

The answer should be…

“Guy: “There’s this great Japanese restaurant I’d like to show you too in Makati. Its sushi is to die for, and the Miso soup is the best I’ve ever tasted…”

In Courtship, we give up our Preferences.

In marriage, the courtship shouldn’t stop. 

Husbands and wives, you should still be wooing each other everyday, trying to win each other’s hearts.

What Is Your Goal?

I just came from a 2-week vacation. 

As my way of being a leader, I planned for the entire thing. I chose the flights we flew in, the hotels we stayed in, the rental cars we rode, the restaurants we ate in, and the places we visited. All written down two months before we flew out.

But whenever she told me that she preferred something that disagreed with my plans, I threw away my plans. Why? Because my wife is more important than my plans. 

After 13 years of marriage, here’s one of my most important goals: I wake up every morning and ask myself, “How can I make my wife happy?”

If that’s my goal, why fight over Preference? 

Parents, Choose Your Battles With Your Kids

Parents, don’t fight over Preferences with your children. 

If my son comes up to me one day and says, “Dad, I want to wear an earring,” I won’t declare World War III. 

I’ll listen. I’ll ask him to think through his decision. 

But I won’t fight him over it.

I won’t fight over musical tastes. No matter how terrible his modern music may sound to me. I won’t fight over hairstyle. No matter how atrocious it may be to me. I won’t fight over the type of clothes he wears. No matter how hideous they may look to me.

Because they’re preferences.

I’ll save my ammo.

I’d rather focus on building my relationship with him. Teaching him how to love God. Teaching him how serve others. Teaching him how to be a gentleman. Teaching him how to earn money. Teaching him how to choose a wife. 

Here’s the fourth strategy, the most difficult of them all.

4. Be Foolish

       Jesus said, If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.(Matthew 5:39)

This is one of the hardest Bible passages to interpret.

Its nuanced meaning is lost, because we don’t know the culture of that particular time and place.

       Dr. Walter Wink, a Bible Scholar, explains it in this way: In ancient middle-eastern culture, being slapped on the right cheek is very different from being slapped on the left cheek.

     First, the left hand cannot be used for slapping, because it was used for unclean tasks.  (I won’t have to expound on this one. Use your imagination.)  Only the right hand was used for slapping.

       To slap you on the right cheek, one has to use a backhand slap.

       And a backhand slap meant something very specific to the Jew; A backhand slap was how a master slaps a slave, or how a Roman slaps a Jew. The right cheek slap meant, “You’re beneath me! I shame you. I humiliate you.”

       When Jesus said, “Give your left cheek,” it meant something totally different. If I’ll slap you on the left cheek, I can’t use the back of my right hand. I’ll have to slap you with a fist or the front of my hand. Which had a totally different meaning to them. In their culture, it meant, “We’re equals.” You’ve reclaimed your dignity and refuse to be humiliated.

       What’s the point? When someone abuses you, God wants you to defend yourself. Not allow yourself to be humiliated.

       But He wants you to do something utterly foolish:“When people hurt you, don’t slap back. Don’t strike back. Don’t seek revenge. Don’t punish. Don’t get even. Instead, do good. Hopefully, your goodness will shame them, and their conscience will move them to change their lives.”

       St. Paul says the same thing. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. (Romans 12:14)

       Conflicts are vicious cycles. Conflicts perpetuate forever and last for 500 years because no one disrupts the cycle. Someone has to step in and say, “I won’t retaliate.” 

       Be foolish and show kindness when someone showed meanness.

Finally, I promised a “Bonus” strategy for avoiding unnecessary conflicts.

       Here it is…

5. Be Funny

Don’t take yourself too seriously.

       Here’s the truth: Nobody does. (Ha ha!)

       People who take themselves too seriously end up with a lot of conflicts.  Why?  Because they get easily offended. Their pride gets easily pricked.

       Here’s my advice. Don’t take it too seriously when people disagree with you. Or when people offend you.   Or when people criticize you.

       At the end of the day, they don’t matter.

       When a driver cuts in front of my car, I don’t get mad. I just smile and say, “He must be in a hurry to get to the toilet.” I don’t take it personally. That driver has problems, not me.

       Don’t make people with problems ruin your day.

       Why expend energy getting angry? It’s not worth it.

For example, I used to be bothered by people who criticize me. 

       One day, someone told me to read a blog of a Christian leader. He told me, “Bo, that guy said some nasty things about you.”

When I looked at it, it was true. In his blog, he was lambasting me for being a false prophet—a prophet of the devil. He criticized me for teaching people how to become rich. He said I was dragging people to hell because I was teaching materialism. (He also called other preachers false prophets: Rick Warren, Joel Osteen, T.J. Jakes. Wow, I’m in good company!) 

       I could have retaliated in anger. I could have answered him point by point and debated with him online.

       But I decided it was useless.

Instead, I prayed for him and his family.  I blessed him.  

I read his other blog entries… And there, I discovered he was financially hard up. He was active in ministry, but the lack of money for his family was a burden. He had no stable job. His wife had no job too.  Honestly, my heart went out to them. I wanted to donate money (anonymously) to his ministry.

       Here’s what I realized from that experience. Most often, people criticize you because they have personal problems that have nothing to do with you. 

       When people don’t like you, it’s not about you. It’s about them.

So why be affected by them?

       I repeat: Don’t let people with problems ruin your day.

       Do you get affected by people who don’t like you?

       Don’t be. Instead of retaliating, do the foolish thing and pray for them. Show kindness. 

And then live your own life to the full.

Smile. Laugh. Have fun!

You only live once. Don’t let the grumblers steal your joy.

Peace breaker Or Peacemaker?

      

       Friend, you have a choice.

      

       You can live your life as a Peace breaker or a Peacemaker.

At the start of this message, I talked about how you’re moving from one Zone to another. And how you’re experiencing a lag.

So I told you God’s message about not to be too hard on yourself.

      

       Here’s God’s other message for you today: Don’t be too hard on others too. Because they’re experiencing a lag, just like you. They still fall. They still falter. They still stumble.

Understand them. Accept them. Love them.

And you’ll become a Peacemaker.

      

       May your dreams come true,

       Bo Sanchez

PS. Do You Want To Earn Through Non-Traditional Real Estate?  Years ago, my real estate mentor Larry Gamboa taught me how to buy foreclosed properties from banks, paying only a small down payment, and turning them as “rent-to-own” apartments.  For the past years, these properties have been giving me steady passive income. I’m thankful that Larry taught me how to do it.  Just in case you’re interested, Larry Gamboa is giving a Think Rich Pinoy Seminar this December 3 (Saturday), at Philam Life Building at UN Avenue, from 8am to 6pm. If you want to learn more about what Larry does, click here.

MY THOUGHTS

If this thing doesn't make me start my work week right, I don't know what could.  It's such a gentle reminder.  Gentle, but with a very strong message. 

In our selfishness, we can be real "peace breakers", especially with family.  We get too comfortable, or too confident, that family will always forgive.  No wonder family troubles remain as conflicts for the rest of our lives.  Some people even bring in to their graves.

The old me would say, "I would rather die than make peace".  My tomb inscription would read, "Here lies a Trouble Maker".

I thank God for coming into my life.  It's still not easy to be a Peacemaker.  But the new me (or the almost new me), would like to say, "I don't want to die with all these conflicts hanging over my grave". I hope and pray that the family who will bury me will put this inscription on my tomb: "Here lies a Peacemaker.  Her life, and her love, showed us that God loves us".

DO YOU COMPLAIN A LOT?

Q&A - How Do I Stop Complaining?

Daily Inspiration

By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach

Published November 03, 2011

 

Q: Do you believe that some people are prone to being negative or pessimistic? My mom was negative, and I find myself unfortunately acting the same way. If so, how does one become less of a complainer?

-Laura N.

A: Hi Laura,

You ask a great question that really sets the stage for positive change. I think all of the complainers out there should take your lead and stop complaining as well! Of course, there are sometimes good reasons to complain. However, the kind of complaining you and I are referring to is definitely cut from a different cloth. We are talking about those people who constantly complain about everything! Like many others, your complaining is rooted in your upbringing. In your case, it appears that your mother’s complaining has been passed along to you through her actions. I believe that it’s much more likely you learned this behavior, rather than being genetically predisposed to it. The good news is that pessimism is not a life sentence, and change is absolutely within your ability.

As is true with any unwanted behavior, it is first important that you become aware you are doing it. I suggest you begin with the following awareness activity: Carry a piece of paper with you and put a mark on it every time you complain. Or, if you’re really brave, allow someone who is with you often to monitor your complaining in this way. Do this for a week, and if you honestly mark down each incident, you’ll be amazed at how often you complain. The shock value alone may be enough to create the change you desire. The next step is to catch yourself before you complain and begin inserting positive comments in place of your typical negative ones. The purpose is to throw a spotlight on the offending behavior, and then mindfully replace the negative comment with a positive comment. In short, you can learn to stop complaining and be more positive. This activity is a bit like learning to drive a car. At first, you have to concentrate on everything, but eventually, it becomes automatic.

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare

www.innerdiet.com 

 

My Thoughts

Wanna know if you complain a lot?  Take note of the number of times you use the word "BUT". 

"It's nice BUT..."

"I understand BUT.."

"Thank you BUT..."

"I know BUT..."

Get it?  You do, BUT?

ARE YOU MATURE?

Are You Mature?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published July 18, 2011

There are few things that catch our attention quicker than immature behavior. Unfortunately, we see it all the time these days thanks to the Internet. The word maturity has many meanings, but for our purposes today I want to use the psychological meaning, which is a term in developmental psychology to indicate that a person responds to the circumstances or environment in an appropriate manner. Even though we may disagree a bit regarding the meaning of the word appropriate, we all know inappropriate behavior when we see it.

Advice columnist Dear Abby once defined maturity: “The ability to stick with a job until it's finished; to do a job without being supervised; to carry money without spending it; and to bear an injustice without wanting to get even.” Today, I ask you to think about where you fall on the maturity scale and honestly assess whether you need some work in this area. The truth is that maturity isn’t so much the result of how old you are as much as it’s an indicator of how well you learn from your experiences.

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

MY THOUGHTS

That's the best definition of maturity I have ever encountered. Something to think about.

THE POWER OF A SMILE

Let a Smile Be Your Umbrella
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published June 06, 2011

I ran across the following saying in a crossword puzzle: “Let a smile be your umbrella.” I immediately turned to my computer in search of the origin of this phrase. As it turns out, it’s a song from 1927 and later recorded and made popular by Bing Crosby in 1957. With all that’s going on in our world today, I think this phrase serves as a powerful reminder of how YOU ultimately determine your attitude in life.

As complex and difficult as life can be, happiness is really not that complicated. The human smile is an incredibly powerful stimulus for creating happiness. Just offer a big smile to a baby and you’ll see Mother Nature’s contagious and natural reaction in that innocent little baby’s face as he or she smiles right back at you. So whoever or whatever it is that you’re battling today, don’t underestimate the power of the human smile. As that old song proclaims, it makes a great umbrella!

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

MY THOUGHTS

If love can move mountains, a smile can go a long way for love.

MANAGE YOURSELF: DON'T BE TARDY

Don't Be Tardy
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published May 23, 2011

I find it fascinating how we all seem to have certain things that get our goat, so to speak. And what’s even more interesting about this is what tends to irritate and annoy one person may have absolutely no impact at all on another. I wrote an article a while back about a related topic, Pet Peeves, that seemed to strike a chord and get a real rise out of many of you. Today I want to address another irritating situation: Being late!

I operate under the assumption that if I am not 15 or 20 minutes early, I’m late. With this as my standard, I find myself seldom rushed and never late for an appointment or meeting. Of course, there is always the occasional flat tire or unforeseen situation that you cannot control, but that is precisely why I always figure that possibility into my traveling calculation. In my opinion, being late never serves you well and always makes a bad impression. In short, it demonstrates poor planning and reeks of disrespect! So I always try to arrive early because there is one sentence I don’t like to say… or hear: I’m sorry I’m late!

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

Follow Dr. Sklare on Health Bistro!

Stressed? Angry? Not over your ex? Email your question to Dr. Sklare to get expert advice! Ask Dr. Sklare

MY THOUGHTS

I can't say Iwas never tardy. But I am the one some people hated because they had to take the bus to a retreat venue. We set a time and a place. We gave enough warning that we would leave at the appointed time. We also gave out maps-for those who thought I wasn't serious enoughto leave them behind. I did. I don't believe those who came early should be allowed to cool their heels for those who cannot come on time.

ARE YOU LOLLYGAGGING?

Are You Lollygagging?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published May 09, 2011

Please consider today’s Reflection as a motivational wake-up call for all of you who aren’t getting things done in life. Let me begin with a simple question: Are you lollygagging? To lollygag means “to waste time in trifling or aimless activity; fool around or dawdle.” I want you to think about the most important goal in your life that’s unfinished. Sure, there may be good reasons to waste time, but until you get going with this, it simply isn’t going to become a reality.

So today I ask you to think about that one desired goal in your life. Is today the day you finally begin to take honest action toward this objective? Or have you decided that lollygagging is a wiser use of your time? At the end of the day, it’s your life and time that you’re wasting!

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

Follow Dr. Sklare on Health Bistro!

MY THOUGHTS

I think lollygagging is good-once in a while. Maybe 30 minutes a day opf vegging out will keep away the stress. But to lollygag for more than that is a serious problem. My biggest question, for now, is what is 'trifling and aimless'?. What you're doing for the moment may notlooklike something that will help you reach that one desired momentous goal. But not every small thing is trifle. If what you're doing is helping someone, even if it doesn't seem to contribute to your dream, I will not call that lollygagging!

IMPROVE YOUR IQ

Get Fit to Improve Your IQ
YOUR DAILY FIT TIP
By The Lifescript Editorial Staff
Published May 06, 2011

Running is great for your heart and pumping iron builds strong muscles, but could both also help improve brain power?

Increased circulation, as a result of engaging in regular exercise, benefits your whole body, but especially your brain, which relies on a steady flow of blood to supply both nutrients and oxygen to its tissues. And what better time to beef up your brain’s “muscles” than during childhood?

According to a study from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, kids who are physically fit are smarter too. Fit kids will obviously score higher on fitness tests, but studies shows they also score higher on academic tests. Surprised? You shouldn’t be. Exercise promotes whole body awareness, and as a result of engaging in regular physical activity, the brain is better equipped to help you focus your attention on the task at hand.

Whether you were a fit kid, or never were and are now an adult in need of getting into shape, it’s time to focus your attention on regular exercise. Experiencing brain fog? Having writer’s block? Forgot where you left your keys? Go take a walk!


Check out Health Bistro for more healthy food for thought. See what Lifescript editors are talking about and get the skinny on latest news. Share it with your friends (it’s free to sign up!), and bookmark it so you don’t miss a single juicy post!

Talk to us on Facebook and Twitter!

MY THOUGHTS

No one wonder my brain seems to have stopped working for a long time. Let's see how my IQ will improve now that I've taken up walking.

THE CHOICE IS YOURS

The Choice is Yours
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published February 03, 2006

If you want to know how you arrived at your current state of health, just look at where you’ve been. Let me illustrate this point by sharing with you a little demonstration I used to perform for my patients. Whenever I would have a patient ask that great philosophical question, “How did I end up here?” I would take a pen and place it on my desk. I would then slowly slide the pen toward the edge of the desk. When I reached the end of the desk I would pause for a moment, move it beyond the edge of the desk and then release it. The pen would then, naturally, fall to the floor. Because of the laws of gravity and physics, the pen had no choice. It fell to the floor because I did everything necessary for that to happen.

I chose to grab the pen. I chose to put it on the desk. I chose to move it toward the edge of the desk and I also chose to release it. It was a series of choices that I made which eventually led to that pen lying on the floor. The purpose of this little experiment is to demonstrate the cause and effect aspect of the choices you make. The formula for a healthy life is very much the same. In order to be fit and healthy you must make healthy choices. There’s no complicated rocket science here at all. Eat healthy foods in the right proportions and exercise regularly, and you will end up in a totally different health situation than where you are now. This is how you get to where you want to go. So if you find yourself asking the question “How did I get here?” just look at where you’ve been and make today the day you change that pattern. The choice is yours.

Wishing You Great Health!
Dr. John H. Sklare

MY THOUGHTS

I know! I know! I probably wasn't aware that I was making those choices. or I never really gave my choices much thought. There's still time.

THE WORST 4-LETTER WORD

The Worst Four-Letter Word
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published April 20, 2011

http://www.lifescript.com/Soul/Self/Growth/I_Cant.aspx?utm_campaign=2011-04-20-78443&utm_source=daily-reflections&utm_medium=email&utm_content=todays-inspiration_I%20Cant&VID=78443&FromNL=1&sc_date=20110420T000000

If I was to ask you to name the most debilitating four-letter word in your vocabulary, which word would you choose? Of course, when one mentions the concept of a four-letter word, we typically think of those uncivilized curse words we tend to hear all too often. However, the four-letter word I am referring to today is not a swear word at all. It is, however, one of the most incapacitating, weakening, self-defeating and goal interrupting four-letter words in the English language. What is this devastating four-letter word I speak of? That word is can’t.

You see, once you convince yourself that you can’t do something, the game is pretty much over. And the sad reality is that, in most cases, you actually can but simply won’t for some reason. There is a mountain of difference between can’t and won’t, and there lies the reason that so many of your dreams lie broken and unrealized in your life. So today I want you to think honestly of a yet unrealized dream you have convinced yourself you can’t achieve. Then I want you to think about the honesty part of this equation. Does this dream remain unrealized because you can’t achieve it, or does it remain unrealized because you won’t pursue it? If I have been successful here today, I’m guessing that dream seems a bit more accessible now!

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare

www.innerdiet.com

Follow Dr. Sklare on Health Bistro!

MY THOUGHTS

What more can i say? I can't think of anything else that will make this article more convincing than it already is. Unless, of course, 'can't' is your favorite 4-letter word-which is sometimes mine unless I check myself.

ARE YOU INTERESTING?

A Person of Interest
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published December 05, 2008

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day when he made a comment regarding a mutual acquaintance. He ended his description of this friend by saying he was a “very interesting guy.” As those words left his lips, the concept of being “interesting” stuck with me. According to the dictionary, the word interesting is an adjective defined as “arousing or holding the attention of someone.” Synonyms include: exciting, appealing, attractive and fascinating. Antonyms include: boring, dull and unexciting. With that as our foundation, let me get to today’s reflection.

With the concept of “being interesting” as our launching pad today, I have two thoughts for you to consider. First, who is the most interesting person you know, and what is it about him or her you find so interesting? And second, of all the people in your life, who do you think finds YOU interesting, and what do you believe makes you so interesting to that person. I have a feeling your thoughts and comments will be very interesting indeed!

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

Got a question? Ask Dr. Sklare

MY THOUGHTS

That's not how I define interesting. In my book, intersting means you don't know how to describe a person. Or you're too kind to be honest. Or you simply do not want to create enemies by being...damaging.

DO YOU NEED A CHANGE OIL?

The Story of Oak and Oil
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published February 29, 2008

As you know, I talk a lot about change. As a matter of fact, I often tell people in jest that I’m really a “changeologist.” I think I may have coined that term, and it really suites me well. The concept of change was recently brought to my attention in a rather interesting way. Here’s what happened: I decided to clean my office desk the other day. I have a beautiful oak desk that I’ve had for a long time, and occasionally, I give it a good cleaning with some oil in order to bring out the beautiful grain. The inspiration for this column presented itself to me as I was wiping the oil-soaked rag across the wood. As anyone who has ever done this task knows, the change is immediate and the difference is like night and day. Not unlike running a coat of dark new paint over an old, faded wall, the visual effect was dramatic and instant. I thought, If only I could invent an oil that would do this for lifestyle change. You would wipe it on your body and voila… instant weight loss and healthy lifestyle change!

Of course, there is no fantastic oil for lifestyle change. If you want to create a leaner body and a healthier life, it’s going to take longer than an hour and more than a simple liquid. But I do believe we all have that special something in our lives that can motivate us to achieve incredible accomplishments. The key is to find out what oil works for you, if you follow the analogy. Because, in truth, my little story of oak and oil is really a metaphor for creating change in your life. So, my challenge for you today is to begin searching for the oil that will transform your oak. Find that special something that motivates you to create change in your life, and you will also see the dramatic results that change brings with it.

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare

MY THOUGHTS

What happens to your car when you don't change the oil. That's what's going to happen to you when you stubbornly declare you don't need any oil because you don't need to change.

WHO WOULD YOU INVITE?

The Invitation
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, LifeScript Personal Coach
Published February 27, 2009

There is a famous old parlor game that asks a very interesting fantasy question: If you could invite any five famous people to your dinner party, who would you invite and why? It’s an interesting mental exercise that forces you to think about what and who you find interesting. I’m going to alter this game a bit and ask you to only invite one person to your dinner party. And for the sake of narrowing down this imaginary interaction, let’s further say that your guest must be a living person.

Remember, you are inviting this person to dinner because you find them fascinating in some way. You may want to begin by picking a top 10 list and then slowly eliminate nine of them to arrive at your final choice. The purpose is to get you thinking about who and what you find interesting. So, if you’re ready to prepare for this fantasy dinner party, it’s time to begin the selection process. Again I ask, if you could only invite one living person in the world for a private dinner-party conversation, who would you invite and why?

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

MY THOUGHTS

My answer would be largely dependent on why I'm having a dinner party. If I simply want to have fun, then I would invite the most humorous and easy-going person on my list. If I want to have some time for retrospection, then I want someone who's a good listener who's also insightful. I'm just blabbering. The question is very hard to answer.

WHAT KILLS CREATIVITY

8 Habits That Are Killing Your Creativity
By Jessica Stillman | October 5, 2010
www.bnet.com

If you’re looking to be more creative at work, there are plenty of tips available. BNET bloggers have suggested everything from moving to another country to boost creativity to seven habits to be more innovative. But the blog Copyblogger recently took the opposite tack, suggesting eight habits to avoid, lest you stifle out-of-the-box thinking. They’re pitched primarily at copywriters (as the blog title suggests) but can help anyone who wants to generate more fresh ideas. Here’s what to steer clear of:

* Creating and evaluating at the same time. You can’t drive a car in first gear and reverse at the same time. Likewise, you shouldn’t try to use different types of thinking simultaneously. You’ll strip your mental gears. Most people evaluate too soon and too often, and therefore create less. In order to create more and better ideas, you must separate creation from evaluation, coming up with lots of ideas first, then judging their worth later.

* The Expert Syndrome. This is a big problem in any field where there are lots of gurus who tell you their secrets of success. It’s wise to listen, but unwise to follow without question. Some of the most successful people in the world did what others told them would never work.

* Fear of failure. No one wants to make mistakes or fail. But if you try too hard to avoid failure, you’ll also avoid success. To increase your success rate, you should aim to make more mistakes.

* Fear of ambiguity. Most people like things to make sense. Unfortunately, life is not neat and tidy; great creative ideas emerge from a swirl of chaos. You must develop a part of yourself that is comfortable with mess and confusion. You should become comfortable with things that work even when you don’t understand why.

* Lack of confidence. A certain level of uncertainty accompanies every creative act. A small measure of self-doubt is healthy. However, you must have confidence in your abilities in order to create and carry out effective solutions to problems. Much of this comes from experience, but confidence also comes from familiarity with how creativity works. When you understand that ideas often seem crazy at first, that failure is just a learning experience, and that nothing is impossible, you are on your way to becoming more confident and more creative.

* Discouragement from other people. Even if you have a wide-open mind and the ability to see what’s possible, most people around you will not. They will tell you in various and often subtle ways to conform, be sensible, and not rock the boat. Ignore them.

* Being overwhelmed by information. It’s called “analysis paralysis,” the condition of spending so much time thinking about a problem and cramming your brain with so much information that you lose the ability to act. It’s been said that information is to the brain what food is to the body. True enough. But just as you can overeat, you can also overthink.

* Being trapped by false limits. Ask a writer for a great idea, and you’ll get a solution that involves words. Ask a designer for a great idea, and you’ll get a solution that involves visuals. We’re all a product of our experience. But the limitations we have are self-imposed. Only when you force yourself to look past what you know and feel comfortable with, can you come up with the breakthrough ideas you’re looking for.

MY THOUGHTS

Even when you're into something you love doing, there are times when creativity seems to have flown out the window. How much more difficult could it be when you're doing something you do not like doing?

FIND YOUR PURPOSE

How to Open Yourself to Your Life's Purpose
O, The Oprah Magazine | October 02, 2009

In A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle writes that to awaken to your life's purpose, you have be ready for a change in the state of your consciousness. But how do you know when that time comes? And where can you even begin?

The one big question most of us ask ourselves is "What should I do with my life?" For most people, it's very difficult to answer. Use these simple suggestions from people who have successfully answered this question and are now living the lives of their dreams. Be inspired to pursue your dreams and discover the impact you are meant to have on the world!


1. Listen to your inner voice. It takes practice to hear your true desires. Your passion will often come as a whisper or serendipitous event that reminds you of what's important and what makes you happy.

This is similar to what is meant by trusting your gut or listening to your intuition.Award-winning actress Sissy Spacek has attributed her success to an experience she had as a young girl, attending a student performance at a neighboring school. Upon seeing a group of girls dancing on the stage, twirling batons and marching in line, Sissy thought to herself, "I could do that."

"Everyone has an inner voice; you just have to listen to it and trust it in order to be led by it," Sissy says. "I did that, and it gave me the ability to live a life that's true to who I am and what I really wanted."

Can you recognize what makes you happy?

2. Recognize crisis. Does your job feel like a grind? Are you spending your free time on something you love? Take an opportunity to appraise your happiness. One of the keys to living a purposeful life is recognizing when you are unfulfilled.

Debrena Jackson Gandy, an author and success coach, recommends women ask themselves one question: What brings you joy? Often, participants at her lectures are unable to find the answer because the joy has been displaced by work, family and day-to-day demands. Debrena recommends that people set aside a half hour to write out at least three things that have brought them joy, and be specific. After a few days, she challenges people to ask themselves what is keeping them from joy and to identify ways to invest in that happiness and make small but immediate changes.

3. Dwell in possibilities. Your passions could lead you in a lot of different directions to find fulfillment. Explore your life and unearth of the things that bring you joy.

To begin, life coach Cheryl Richardson advises you to take better care of yourself. Cheryl suggests nurturing your body and mind with exercise, meditation and eating well. Next, be conscious when something excites you or frustrates you. For example, if you read a story in the newspaper that inspires you, take note of it! That story might lead you to your passion.

Cheryl recommends answering a series of questions:

* What interest, passion or desire are you most afraid of admitting to yourself and others?
* What do you love about yourself?
* Who do you know that's doing something you'd like to do? Describe yourself doing it.
* How could you make the world a better place for yourself and others?
* What's stopping you from moving forward with exploring your passion?


Trust yourself to make the right decisions

4. Tune out the voice of the world. Make the strongest voice in your life your own. Finding your purpose could mean going against the advice of close friends and family. Take a leap of faith and trust in your dreams.

Martha Beck calls this the "trust-o-meter," the voice inside of you that has been with you since you were born but is programmed by outside influences. If your own trust-o-meter isn't working as it should, Martha advises taking The Trust Test to check if you trust the voice inside you.

5. Decide what kind of person you want to be. Rather than concentrating on what you want to do, think in terms of what kind of person you want to be. Let that guide your choices.

"Life isn't just about what you can have; it's about what you have to give," Oprah says. "What kind of person do you want to be?"

Living with integrity is a good start. Cheryl Richardson suggests making an Absolute Integrity List, which includes making three promises to yourself to restore your integrity. Next, construct your own vision statement to clarify what's most important to you and the person you most want to become. The third step is to ask yourself in which aspects of your life you could be more truthful.

Find a profession you love!

6. Bring your heart to your work. It takes passion and courage to find a profession that you love. Spending the time to discover that job is time well spent—it could make all the difference in your life!

If you don't think you're in the job you were born to do, there's no time like the present. Read eight true stories from women who switched careers midstream and found their wildest dreams realized. Plus, Tamara Monosoff, author of Secrets of Millionaire Moms, shares three, one-page business plans to help bring your big ideas to life.

Even if you're stymied about where to start, there's still hope! Master career consultant Marcus Buckingham has created a printable worksheet for you to use to identify your strengths PDF and help you find meaning in your work.

7. Trust transformation. Hard times are a natural part of life. Don't be afraid to change because of your experiences. Instead, let them shape and steer your course.

Hardship goes hand in hand with tough times. Instead of ignoring difficult times, embrace them. Poet Nikki Giovanni tells the story of having been pulled over by a state trooper after having gotten herself and a friend lost on the drive to Princeton, New Jersey. She was certain she would be ticketed, but the trooper instead gave her directions and sent the two women on their way. "I realized that when the trooper looked into the car, he didn't see what we thought he saw—two hip, young women going someplace," Nikki says. "He saw his grandmother. It was a depressing moment."

Nikki says that too many people resist change, which never lets them enjoy who they are.

"Embrace the change, no matter what it is; once you do, you can learn about the new world you're in and take advantage of it," she says. "You still bring to bear all your prior experience, but you're riding on another level. It's completely liberating."

Live without regret

8. Have no regrets. According to the experts, it's easy to regret the time you've spent being unhappy or unfulfilled. Realize that during that time you developed the skills you need to succeed!

Martha Beck has six steps you can take to live without regret. They include letting go, learning to compartmentalize certain feelings and reclaiming your dreams. As important as these steps are, Martha suggests thinking of regret as a tool, rather than an uncomfortable reminder of past mistakes.

"If you've grieved your losses, reclaimed your dreams and articulated your anger, regret will have made you the right kind of tough-and-tender: dauntless of spirit, soft of heart, convinced by experience that nothing based on fear—but everything based on love—is worth doing," she says. "Living this way doesn't guarantee an easy life; in fact, it will probably take you on a wondrously wild ride. But I promise, you won't regret it."

9. Take the first step. Destiny can't help you until you are willing to step out of your comfort zone. Get prepared to make changes in your life...and start making them!

It takes courage to even think about changing your life, much less to put that plan into action. Dr. Robert Holden has dedicated his life to studying the pursuit of happiness. He says most people struggle to overcome "destination addiction," which he defines as not living in the moment.

Try taking Dr. Holden's Happiness Test for suggestions on where to make the first step in your life.

Exercise patience

10. Be patient. Finding your life's purpose won't happen overnight. In every life, there's a fast road and a slow road. Most of us take the slow road! Keep your commitment and take small steps to make it happen.

Writer Amy Gross offers four ways to become a more pateint person:

1. First thing: Just stop. Catch the mind ranting that you shouldn't be in this situation&8212;because you are. Give up the fight. You've lost the battle, but not the war.

2. Settle into the moment. You might feel your body ease down, yielding to gravity (wise move). Your shoulders and belly relax, your jaw too.

3. Go into your body with your mind's eye and find our how you know you're impatient. Are you tight, tense, breathing shallowly, clenching, jiggling? Where exactly? Focus on those sensations as closely as you can. Touch them with your mind.

4. See if you can open any tightness, breathe into any clenching. With a really ornery knot, give up trying to fix it and see if you can welcome it, make room for it.

Buddhist nun Pema Chódrón talks to Oprah about dealing with difficult feelings and living in them moment

MY THOUGHTS

Be quiet. Spend some time alone. You cannot hear your inner voice when there are too many things going on.

DEALING WITH CHANGE

How Do You Adapt to Change?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published March 18, 2011

The English naturalist Charles Darwin is famous for his theory of evolution called natural selection. Today, I simply want to use one of his quotes to make an important point about finding peace of mind, personal happiness and overall life contentment. It goes as follows: “It’s not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives, it’s the one that is most adaptable to change.” Since change is a constant occurrence in the world, learning to accept, manage and direct it is paramount to dealing with life’s inevitable twists and turns.

Some of you may be smack dab in the middle of one of these emotional and life-altering changes right now. Most people have a natural tendency to fight change tooth and nail; others tend to hunker down and ride out the storm; and some tend to grab the bull by the horns and make the change work for them. So today’s Reflection simply asks you to consider these three modes of reacting to change and see which one best describes your typical response. At the end of the day, you can’t stop change from occurring in your life, but you can definitely get better at dealing with it!

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

MY THOUGHTS

I think the way we deal with change depends on what's going to change. It's hardest to change when everything's A-okay and you don't see the need for it.

FACING YOUR FEAR

How to Find Your Passion
3. Fearful
By Martha Beck
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the September 2003 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

One of my clients—I'll call her Paige—was a tall, gorgeous, intelligent athlete preparing to try out for a professional team. The pressure triggered a host of fears Paige had suffered since childhood. She began to replace training with eating binges, and she started gaining weight while losing strength and speed. We spent some time discussing Paige's history of physical and sexual abuse. This lessened her fear, but didn't eliminate it entirely. Why? Because Paige really cared about making that particular team, and there was a good chance she'd fail, and that was scary to her. Period. To get unstuck, we have to take this kind of risk, fear or no fear. Waiting to feel brave so that you can act brave? Sorry. The only way to develop courage is to act brave until you feel brave.

In Paige's case, this meant doing two things every day: nurturing the scared little girl inside her, and getting that scared little girl to the damn gym. We called it the soft-heart, hard-ass approach. If you're stuck, I'd advise you to adopt it. Care for your heart by soothing it, but follow your dreams even when you're scared. Make friends with the fear that tells you you're doing something real and important, that you're breaking out of your comfort zone.

Once she adopted this new approach, Paige realized that it was getting her in good enough shape to be a model as well as an athlete. Suddenly, making the team wasn't her only way forward. By feeling the fear and doing something anyway, you do risk failure—but you will still get unstuck, often in ways you never expected.


MY THOUGHTS

Fear has this freezing effect. We get frozen in a spot where we shouldn't be because we're so afraid to make even the slightest move. The more we stay in that spot, the more freezing cold it becomes. Until we get so numb we have no way of getting out of that spot.

Fear can also spring us into action. When someone (or something) we love is in danger, we do things that we never thought we could do.

It is our choice then, if we want to stay frozen in a rut or if we want to face that fear and be free of it.

DON'T LET OTHERS STEAL YOUR PASSION

DON'T LET OTHERS STEAL YOUR PASSION

How to Find Your Passion
2. Forbidden
By Martha Beck
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the September 2003 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

Often stuck people have learned through experience, example, or explicit instruction that passion is bad. You may feel stuck if your fundamentalist parents railed against sin or if your suave intellectual friends mock anyone who seems enthusiastic. We'll do almost anything to avoid shame or. To see whether you have been disimpassioned by social judgment, complete the following sentences with whatever comes to mind.

If I didn't care what anyone thought, I would.....

If I knew my parents would never find out, I'd.....

If I could be sure I'd do it right, I would.....

If you thought of things you've never actually done, things that make you giggle with embarrassment, you're probably forbidding yourself to follow your passion. You've learned to expect negative judgments, so (consciously or unconsciously) you avoid intense feeling and anything that causes it.

The tragic thing is that many people never realize there are places where they can swim with confidence. It's true that some social environments are vicious, but others are warm, accepting, loving. Think of the things that you'd do if they weren't forbidden. If they don't violate your own moral code, start doing them—without telling the people who would judge you.

You'd think this would be obvious, but it isn't. I've watched incredulously as dozens of clients who are just getting unstuck seek support from the very people who got them stuck in the first place. They confide in their militantly atheistic friends about their call to the ministry, or tell their pessimistic, puritanical mother that they want to dance, dance, dance! Don't make this mistake. You know what sharks look like, and the places they lurk. Avoid them. Instead share your passion with folks who are likely to support you. In doing so, you'll add social approval to the inherent joy of following your passions—and it will feel fabulous.

MY THOUGHTS

If you grew up in a culture where everyone and everything is 'judged', you'll learn not to care what people think or say. You go about your way with a passion that judgmental people will probably never understand. Who cares? For as long as you are not hurting anyone, go about your passion with passion.

HOW TO FIND YOUR PASSION

How to Find Your Passion
1. Fatigue
By Martha Beck
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the September 2003 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

If your inner life is so blah that you don't enjoy anything, or if you know what you love but find yourself stuck in Yeah-but excuses, ask yourself, "How old do I feel?" If the answer is "Really, really old," you're probably too tired to embark on the sea of passion. Fatigue can cause an absence of physical desire (an exhausted body isn't programmed to win races or make babies), a loss of mental acuity, and/or a flat emotional profile.

At times, this may reach the level of depression. One day a client oozed into my office, slumped into a chair, and said she was depressed—only she said it so slowly that I thought she said "deep rest." In a way, this was accurate. Depression can be part of a general shutdown, meant to turn us toward healing. A tired body, a tired mind, a tired heart can't—and shouldn't—be passionate about anything but rest. So if you're exhausted, care for yourself. Curl up with the cat and watch TV, sleep, read, sleep some more. Eventually, you'll wake up feeling like it's time to go for a swim. One important caveat: If you aren't feeling refreshed after a couple of weeks' rest, it's time to see a doctor. You may have a condition, such as a chemical imbalance, that can be alleviated only through professional care.


MY THOUGHTS

That's right! If after 2 weeks of complete rest you're still not up to doing anything else but curl up in bed, you're not depressed. You're a living...dead.

OVERCOME CREATIVE BLOCKS

How to Overcome Creative Blocks and Distractions
By Herb Schaffner | March 7, 2011
www.bnet.com

You’re on your second cup of coffee, but you can’t get past the first sentence of your pitch to your boss. Or, perhaps you’re struggling to meet deadlines because you’re so preoccupied with your son’s problems at school.

In a new book called Spark: How Creativity Works, author Julie Burstein-who is a producer of the radio show 360– reworks the radio show’s interviews with leading artists to shed light on how to make creative leaps and accomplishments happen. In a fascinating interview with BNET blogger Laura Vanderkam, Burstein elaborated on how artists get their ideas. In addition to the book’s insights about creative inspiration-Spark is also laced with useful tips on how to overcome blocks and distractions, even if you are not a so-called “creative.”

Some tips include:

* Have a warm-up ritual. The hardest part for many can be just getting started. Rather than diving headlong into work, cellist Yo-Yo Ma takes a few minutes each morning to play long, slow notes on his cello he’s nicknamed Petunia. Writer Isabel Allende starts a new book every year on the same exact date even if the previous work is unfinished. That routine is her way of ensuring she always starts a new project.

* Look for ideas in ordinary places. Stuck in a cubicle? There may be something on your desk, or down the hall, that could inspire your next great idea-if you look beyond the surface. Many artists find that even banal materials can be a potent source of inspiration. Sound designer Ben Burtt combined the hum of a projector at his night job with the feedback buzz of a broken microphone in his house to create the sound of the light sabers in the Star Wars films. Artist Richard Serra’s steel and rubber sculptures often begin with industrial materials he finds on his travels.

* Discover the power of two. Partnering can make for big results. The key is to allow yourself to be challenged by your collaborator. Burstein notes that bluegrass icon Alison Krauss and ex-Led Zeppelin star Robert Plant made collaborative gold in their Grammy-winning partnership forRaising Sand. How? They allowed themselves to be challenged by their partners, rather than defending their egos. Plant brought no pride of authorship: “I wanted to work with people who were going to push me, and…challenge my whole capacity to be a really proper singer.” Filmmaker Ang Lee and his partner James Schamus reveal a similar ambition to push boundaries- Schamus fearlessly immersed himself in Chinese culture to “create compelling stories” for many Lee films and both filmmakers had the guts to rewrite each other’s work while keeping their eyes on the prize at the end-a great film.

* Use the negativity blocking your creativity. Many people have difficult family relationships-creative artists use painful memories or experiences to propel their work. Actress Patti LuPone, for instance, let go of some unhappiness with her mother through her Broadway performance as Gypsy Rose Lee. Screenwriter and director David Milch dealt with hard memories of his brilliant but violent and abusive father through dark portrayals of characters such as Sipowicz in NYPD Blue and Swearengen in Deadwood — flawed, foul-mouthed heroes with anger management issues. Are you fretting over your elderly mother or learning disabled child? Perhaps these situations can yield metaphors for a speech-or more compassion for a colleague.

Do you think you could use any of these tips to improve your work? Why, or why not?

MY THOUGHTS

Love this article! There are times I feel my brain's dead. Especially on Mondays. Or after coming back from a long vacation. Or after finishing a long-term project and I can't seem to make a switch. What works best for me- when my creativity seems to have flown out of the window- is to stop. Take a break. Do something else.

ARE YOU SELF-MOTIVATED?

Tickle Me Motivated
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published July 11, 2007
http://www.lifescript.com/Soul/Self/Motivation/Tickle_Me_Motivated.aspx

I was having a discussion the other day with a colleague about self motivation, and we both strongly agreed that it is an essential ingredient in the formula for success. We also agreed that, unfortunately, most people have a serious lack of ability when it comes to motivating themselves to accomplish their goals. Oddly enough, in my experience, these are often the very same people who are absolutely excellent at motivating others. So why is it that some people can be such great cheerleaders for others, but when it comes to inspiring themselves, they fall way short of the target? In a nutshell, I think the problem that most people have with self motivation is very similar to the phenomenon of self tickling. Have you ever tried to tickle yourself? Isn’t it amazing how someone else can barely touch you and you can’t help but laugh, but YOU can’t produce a single giggle when you try to tickle yourself. Sounds strangely similar to self motivation if you ask me.

The dictionary defines self motivation as “The initiative to undertake or continue a task or activity without another’s prodding or supervision.” In learning theory, there are two kinds of motivation: intrinsic (internal) and extrinsic (external) motivation. According to the definition above, self motivation is an example of intrinsic motivation. Those of you who have the ability to self-motivate reap the benefits every day. But many find that trying to muster up self motivation leaves them just as frustrated and unsuccessful as trying to tickle themselves. However, finding the success you dream about, no matter what your goal, is not likely to happen if you don’t find a way to MAKE it happen.

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare


MY THOUGHTS

so, better start tickling yourself. i think self-motivation is a sign of real maturity. you do things without someone or something pushing you. and you take it even further by doing things well, even when no one's watching.

HOW TO STOP PROCRASTINATING

Q&A - How Can I Stop Procrastinating?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, LifeScript Personal Coach
Published January 06, 2009

Q: Why is it bad to procrastinate? And how can I stop procrastinating?

-Ash F.

A: Hi Ash,

What great questions regarding the issue of procrastination. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll wait until next week to answer this one. I’m just kidding, of course, as I refuse to procrastinate answering your question any longer! I suggest we begin with a short definition. To procrastinate means to put off doing something unpleasant or burdensome until a later time, or to postpone habitually. The last three words in that definition (to postpone habitually) are the key words, Ash. You ask, why is procrastination bad and what can you do to prevent it?

The ultimate price you pay for procrastination is frustration and stagnation. The frustration and stagnation are the result of simply taking no action toward completing the goal or task in question. And, as is typically the case, these two culprits are often accompanied by their roommates called failure and disappointment. Failure and disappointment is a high price to pay for procrastination as they provide a lethal blow to your self-image and negatively impacts your sense of pride and accomplishment.

The remedy for procrastination is rather simple: Create a plan, and follow through with that plan. Most experts suggest you begin by taking the project at hand and breaking it down into smaller segments. Then set a date to begin working, and tackle the easiest segment first. I suggest you begin by working in small blocks of time, instead of trying to get too much done at once, and eliminate as many distractions as possible. For example, having the TV on is probably not a good idea for most people. If your project allows for outside help, get others involved as well. In short, the remedy for procrastination is ACTION! Stop thinking and start doing, and this problem simply goes away unless, of course, there is pathology involved. In that case, counseling is a must!

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare

MY THOUGHTS

got to go! i don't want to deal with frustration, stagnation, failure and disappointment. i've been putting off so many things the past few weeks. ciao!

FIND YOUR PURPOSE TO MOTIVATE YOU

FIND YOUR PURPOSE TO MOTIVATE YOU

from the article 'How to Tap into What Really Motivates You'
By Daniel H. Pink
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the January 2010 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

Find Your Sentence

Seeking purpose is part of how we're wired—by doing something that endures, we prove that we were here, that we mattered. Clare Boothe Luce once told John F. Kennedy, "A great man is one sentence. Abraham Lincoln's was 'He preserved the Union and freed the slaves.' What's yours?" If you can't seem to access your purpose in life, I've found the best place to start is with Luce's question.

This story is part of O's Live Your Best Year Toolkit

MY THOUGHTS

that's certainly something to reflect on. much like an epitaph. but we need to die before we know what we're here on earth for. time to ask simple questions like - why do you get up in the morning? what for?

WHERE YOU CAN BE YOUR OWN BOSS

FIGURE OUT WHERE YOU CAN BE YOUR OWN BOSS

from the article 'How to Tap into What Really Motivates You'
By Daniel H. Pink
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the January 2010 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

Figure Out Where You Can Be Your Own Boss

We come into this world curious and self-directed—just look at any toddler—but we can become passive and inert in mundane situations, like when we're stuck on the low end of the office totem pole or in the cook/housecleaner/chauffeur role at home. Two business school professors, however, found that people in the least-empowered positions can develop a sense of autonomy. They studied the performance of hospital cleaners, and found that those who went beyond doing the minimum job requirements—chatting with patients or helping make nurses' tasks go more smoothly—reported an increase in job satisfaction. By reframing their duties, the janitors helped make their work more fully their own. This isn't just about taking on more responsibilities. It's about exploring what you can do differently to make your role, whatever it is, more interesting. If you reframe "I have to go the grocery store" to "I'm a player in the worldwide supply chain for food"—okay, no one but a nerd like me will do that—but you could choose to see how your choice of eggs can affect a larger system. Or you can make a game of it and see how fast you can get in and out of there. Either way, you're not at the mercy of a to-do list; you've taken control (if only in a small way) of your time, efforts and responsibilities.

MY THOUGHTS

I've always been a believer in 'going the extra mile', doing more than what's expected. That always gives a new meaning to whatever it is your doing. Suddenly the task, no matter how mundane, becomes very important- to you, at least (and that matters a lot!). Somehow, giving your all to a task, gives some sort of imprint on your results. It's like putting your own brand into everything that you do. it's hearing people say - "that's excellent! I'm sure you did it"! - that's going to be one good way to feel motivated.

WHO DO YOU RESPECT?

Who Do You Respect?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published February 11, 2011

One of the most precious and intangible tributes that one can receive from another you admire is respect. There are a variety of definitions for this word, but for today’s discussion, let’s use this one: the condition of being esteemed or honored.

Respect is one of those coveted human qualities you can’t buy, borrow or steal because it must be earned. In the most positive sense of this word, respect is acquired through admired and valued behavior.

Today I ask you to consider this beloved human badge of honor from the following angle: Who do you most respect in your life and what does this person consistently do to earn it? Since a great deal of our behavior is modeled after those we have respect for, people we hold in high esteem provide great examples for us to follow.

So who do you most respect and how have they influenced your life?

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

MY THOUGHTS

go ahead - think of all those people you respect and ask the question why. go a little farther and look back at the people you used to respect and people you respect now. if you notice some changes, chances are you've changed, too- your outlook, your values, your attitude toward life and people.

CAN WE LEARN 'PATIENCE'?

Patience Is a Skill
By Amy Gross
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the September 2008 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

Someone once said that anger is like drinking poison and hoping your enemy will die. Impatience is similarly ridiculous. You're in a rush, a salesperson is moving in slow motion, and you're ready to kill. The problem is, the person you're torturing is your own pitiful self: Your nerves are shredding, stress hormones are streaking through your body, and your heart's racing with scenarios of the tragedies that will ensue from being late. And you're not accomplishing a thing. Your frenzy is useless. You're trying to squirm out of the present into the future: Good luck with that. You are irrevocably and inescapably stuck in the moment—your feet are tied to it; you are a spoke in time's wheel. Writhe and holler as much as you want, you're not going anywhere. You are here. Immobile behind the customer with the endless questions, on the street with a tantrum-throwing child, at dinner with your husband who's telling that story yet again while you almost expire of lethal boredom.

There is an antidote, however, and its very name—patience—makes me ache with boredom. It speaks of self-control, restraint, delayed gratification. What is less fun? Impulsivity, intensity, drama—now we're talking! But after years of twisting and burning in the fires of impatience, I've come to appreciate patience as the supreme medicine. Apply patience, and frustration goes away, outrage cools, peace is yours.

The revelation for me was that patience is a skill, not an inherited trait I happened not to inherit. It leads to relaxation, not self-harnessing. It gives you the freedom to have a pleasant time even when the traffic gods are playing with you. It converts the helpless rage of impatience into a delicious sense of spaciousness. See for yourself:

1. First thing: Just stop. Catch the mind ranting that you shouldn't be in this situation—because you are. Give up the fight. You've lost the battle, but not the war.

2. Settle into the moment. You might feel your body ease down, yielding to gravity (wise move). Your shoulders and belly relax, your jaw too.

3. Go into your body with your mind's eye and find out how you know you're impatient. Are you tight, tense, breathing shallowly, clenching, jiggling? Where exactly? Focus on those sensations as closely as you can. Touch them with your mind.

4. See if you can open any tightness, breathe into any clenching. With a really ornery knot, give up trying to fix it and see if you can welcome it, make room for it.

Once your brain cools down, your powers of reason return. You thank God for cell phones and call to say you'll be late. You figure out how you can make up the minutes or hours lost to traffic. You understand your husband is telling the story again because he's nervous, and that kind of touches you. And really, it's all going to be okay.

When you give up the fight, you get time. Time stretches. You sink into the moment, and it seems infinite. You have all the time in the world.

MY THOUGHTS

calm. serene. quiet. patient.
those are adjectives you will never hear when people are trying to describe me.
i don't remember ever blaming my genes.
but i do remember pointing a finger at my zodiac sign.
aries - the ram -
charging through life as if someone was after me -
or i was running after someone.
never even stopping to think of anything
that maybe destroyed along the way.
taking the bull by the horn.

patience was never one of my virtues.
waiting is a word (and an action) that i used to loathe.
i used to curse everything and everyone that will make me wait.
including myself.

until i became a Christian.
(again, still a Christian under construction).
you can't help but be patient when you have God in your life.
Because God has his own agenda.
And it's usually different from mine.
Over the years, God has been teaching me to COOL MY HEELS.
wait for the answer to a prayer
because it's not yet God's time.
wait because God has something better.
wait because someone else,
not just me,
need to learn a lesson.

last year, i took about 50 local trips.
that means 50 times sitting it out at the airport.
50 times waiting for the plane to take off.
and to land.
50 times of waiting to disembark.
50 awful times watching the conveyor go round and round.
until finally you get your luggage.

i thank God for that experience.
it has thought me that God invented the word WAIT
for a reason.
so we can do other things
that we other wise won't be able to do
in our busyness -
reading,
writing,
watching other people,
thinking,
dreaming -
and yes - praying.

patience was never one of my virtues.
but i'm getting there.
ever so slowly.
i will get there somehow -
because i have a God
who is very patient with me.

yes -
patience is a skill
indeed!
and boy!
how i'm learning!

What Motivates You? - Discover Your GRIT

WHAT MOTIVATES YOU? : Discover your GRIT

from the article: How to Tap into What Really Motivates You
By Daniel H. Pink
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the January 2010 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

The most effective incentive on the planet? It's not a pile of cash, praise or gold stars. There's a far more powerful motivation, says Daniel H. Pink, the guy who turned Oprah on to the power of right-brain thinking, and he's not talking about denial or punishment, either. Scientists are discovering a far more powerful third drive. To tap into it, you need to develop three things: a sense of mastery, autonomy and purpose. Here's how...


Discover Your Reservoir of Grit

The thirst for mastery is akin to the thirst for water. It keeps the soul alive. So what is the best way to cultivate a sense to accomplishment? An interesting answer recently came from a group of researchers studying new cadets at West Point to understand why some students dropped out. All the recruits were talented, but the successful students shared a certain quality: grit. Everyone has a reservoir of grit, though you can't tap it for a random endeavor. (There's a reason Dara Torres didn't become an accountant. As a kid, she was willing to swim 2000 yards at 5 a.m.—not balance her mom's checkbook.) To figure out where your reservoir of grit is, ask yourself: "What would I do for free?" Or: "What I'd really like to be doing now is ________." The answers point you toward areas where you'll naturally persevere—and improve.

This story is part of O's Live Your Best Year Toolkit

MY THOUGHTS

without looking at the dictionary, i've always associated 'grit' with sand and stones. actually it also means being tough, having courage that is difficult to subdue. in other words, if we want to put a finger to what motivates us, we will have to find out those things were we seem to be unstoppable. something useful that you love doing without being told to do so? and when you do it, you don't feel tired and time seems to just speed by?

BREAK FREE

How to Break Free
By Daniel H. Pink
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the January 2010 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

Getting unstuck requires serious innovation. Here's a snazzy little trick from Oprah's favorite right-brain creativity expert, Daniel H. Pink, to get your creativity flowing.


There are lots of methods to spark creativity , but I like one used by the founders of an Australian software company: They set aside a day for their engineers to work on any problem they want, so long as it's not part of their regular job. These are called FedEx Days, because the participants have to "deliver" something overnight, and they've resulted in an array of software fixes that might otherwise never have emerged. Why shouldn't this idea be picked up by someone who's looking to switch careers or even just redecorate the living room? People underestimate how much a wildly varied group can accomplish in a short time. So enlist your own team with these ground rules: They can work on anything they want, but at the end of 24 hours everyone must deliver something—whether it's a list of fields where your skills might translate or a sketch of how the room could look. Don't worry about making it perfect. Worry about making it, period. And have fun. If you're not laughing during your FedEx Day, you're doing it wrong.

This story is part of O 's Live Your Best Year Toolkit

MY THOUGHTS

that is one spectacular idea. gotta have my own fedex day

YOUR PRECIOUS TIME

Precious Time
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published February 07, 2011

Time is probably the most precious thing we have on earth. You can make a good argument for many other valued intangibles in life, but without time, nothing can be accomplished. This is why it pains me to see people waste this gift that we all receive at birth.

One of my favorite thoughts about time comes from Albert Einstein, who proposed an interesting concept called the “space-time illusion.” This illusion comes from two different types of time that Einstein identified as linear time and subjective time.

Linear time can be objectively measured. A clock, for example, is an excellent illustration of linear time: A minute is a minute no matter where you are or what you’re doing. Subjective time, on the other hand, doesn’t lend itself to objective measurement. It’s totally dependent on the experience and state of mind of each individual observer.

In explaining the difference between the two, Einstein said, “Spending a minute sitting on a hot stove seems like an hour, while spending an hour with a beautiful girl seems like a minute.” What he means is that your perception of the passage of time depends on each situation you find yourself in.

All this talk about time leaves me with the following two questions: How do you spend most of your precious time? Is it spent wisely or wasted thoughtlessly? Only time will tell!

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare

MY THOUGHTS

i like this.like this very much.i like the idea of subjective time. moments most precious to me have actually been the shortest.
www.innerdiet.com

Thinking Outside the Box

Thinking Outside the Box
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published August 31, 2006
www.lifescript.com

I was talking to a friend the other day when the phrase “thinking outside the box” came up. I’m sure most of you have heard or used that phrase at some time in your life. For those who are unfamiliar, however, the phrase “thinking outside the box” is a euphemism for considering options unthinkable before. When I was in private practice, I used to offer a little riddle to my patients to demonstrate this point. In the spirit of helping you to think outside the box, I offer it to you today.

Now I want you to imagine that you are sitting in a 12 x 12 room with one door and no windows. I want you to further imagine that you are sitting in a chair that is against the wall that is directly opposite the wall with the door. As you sit there, you are asked to exit the room by taking the shortest route. What do you do?

The typical answer to this question is to stand up and walk directly to the door opposite you and exit, which, on the surface, appears to be the only way out. However, the truth is that the shortest way out of that room is to go through the wall behind you. However, since you hold the belief that you “can’t” walk through walls, you don’t even try that route. Now, of course you can’t walk through walls but here’s the point. You tend to not even consider actions that you don’t believe are possible for you. Are you beginning to see where I’m going here? Your beliefs have a tremendous influence on your behavior. And once you box yourself into one specific mindset, you become oblivious to other options also available to you at the time.

The shortest way out of the room challenge was a real eye opener for many of my patients. Even though the shortest way out of the room is to walk through the wall behind you, you don’t even consider that option because you “know” that you can’t do that. There lies the power of thought. Why not make today the day you start thinking outside the box?

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare

MY THOUGHTS

i like thinking outside the box. i like looking for different ways of doing things. unfortunately,there are people who do not appreciate this. they feel i'm making their lives miserable because i keep on challenging them to 'find ways'. so what! i wouldn't have accomplished certain things if i go by 'practice' or what is 'acceptable' or 'normal'.